L'Immortel (22 Bullets)

Just give me a film with Jean Reno and I will be entertained. Any film with him will do. L'Immortel is no exception. It also features Kad Merad (of Bienvenue chez les Ch'tis fame), which is a bonus.

The film starts with Jean Reno (character name: Charly), retired mafia-esque bad guy, visiting his mother with his small son in tow. On their way home to Marseille, they sing along to opera arias and the little boy is let out of the car to watch a street performance (featuring a dancing goat) while daddy drives off to find a parking space. It's a good thing the boy was not in the car, as it turns out. As he exits the car, a group of heavily armed (rival?) gangsters stop their vehicle in front of him, unloading their collected gun into him. Charly breaks down, bleeding, his body riddled with 22 bullets (hence, the English title). Miraculously, he survives (hence, the French title). This, of course, requires revenge.

Before Charly goes on his killing spree, however, he loses one close associate, which is what really tips the scale. Shortly after the funeral, Charly walks into a birthday celebration of the murderous group and announces that he will come for them. But instead of killing them all then and there, he promises to come for them one by one, when they least expect it. He is there to kill the birthday boy, only. His plan and announcement to spread the revenge out makes for a better premise for the film. Without it, there might not even be a film.

And then the violence commences. There are shootouts, assassination attempts, betrayal, car and motorcycle chases, hiding family members and the desperate police force trying to solve the initial attack on Charly as well as figuring out what the hell else is going on.

And to not belie the title, Charly survives again and again situations that would have killed off a lesser man.

Works for me.

6/10

The Streaming Project

Hello.

It's been a while.

For the longest time I didn't see the point of posting updates to this blog because, you know, nobody reads this. Then I again, this is a way of keeping track of all the stuff I watch, which is a lot. So, once again, I resume.

Since the last time I was here I not only got Netflix but also ordered Amazon Prime. To make it worth it, I decided to watch everything on both platforms. This is, of course, ludicrous. But I will do the best I can. This will make the title of my blog much truer, I expect.

Doctor Who: Marco Polo

The Roof of the World/The Singing Sands/Five Hundred Eyes/The Wall of Lies/Rider from Shang-Tu/Mighty Kublai Khan/Assassin at Peking

And now for a little history lesson courtesy of Doctor Who. We meet Marco Polo, at the time employed and/or held captive with a constant promise of release and the possibility of return to his home dangled before him like a carrot before a donkey. We also get acquainted with the mighty Kublai Khan.

My memory of this serial (and, indeed, a few serials to follow) is sketchy, but it involves tricking a Chinese emperor and fighting off would-be assassins as well as assisting Mr. Polo in his quest to finally be freed.

What I do remember about this serial (and, indeed a few serials to follow) is that at this point I don't actually care for the show. Yet. I have seen a couple of the new episodes and know that some of the old stuff must be good or at the least watchable. Season 1 is not quite there yet. The First Doctor does not seem at all impressively smart and says "hm" a lot.

But I'll be damned if I don't find the point when everything starts to make sense and I will understand why this show is such a cult phenomenon.

3/10

Long Weekend

Yeah, yeah, I've been gone a while. I thought I made be done with this blog for good but here I am. So, I saw a lot of films since I last reviewed one. I may or may not review any of them. Time will tell. Today I watched Long Weekend and with this I return.

When I say Long Weekend I refer to the 1978 original, of course. As I understand, the 2008 remake is basically a shot-for-shot retelling of the story, so I ask you, "What's the point?".

First up, the tag line/promo line on the movie poster is genius.

Their Crime was against nature...nature found them guilty.

Also, it tells you everything you need to know about the film. Here is a couple that decide to take a break in nature for a long weekend. They appear to be a modern, suburban couple who have obviously hit a road block in their relationship. There is talk of an abortion, the child apparently the result of an affair the wife (Marcia) was/is having. The husband (Peter) also appears to be getting some on the side - the film starts with him parting from a woman that may be his lover.

Not the best premise for a weekend away.

They drive off with their (well, his) dog, Cricket, not the smartest of dogs. Marcia is in a piss-poor mood for most of the drive. This seems to be her default setting. Over the days to come there are some moments of tenderness between the couple, giving us some idea of what they once were. But this is only the backdrop.

To return to the promo from the poster, here are the ways in which they piss off nature:

Peter throws a cigarette out the car window, igniting what could be a wild fire.
Peter hits a kangaroo in the dark.
Marcia steals and later smashes an eagle egg. (A move I found particularly disgusting.)
Marcia applies bug spray everywhere.
Peter kills a dugong. Or not. This dugong is an especially ugly and fascinating beast.
Marcia hits ducklings with the car, splotches of blood and goo all over her windshield.

But this being Australia and horror and all, nature will have her payback.

This is awesome in a very 1970's kind of way.

7/10

The Big Game of Thrones Meltdown (Yet Another One)

Did you miss me? Probably not because nobody is actually reading this. Oh well, such is life. Anyway, I am changing the way I am doing this (again) and will move away from standard reviews. I may do some yet, but this will be much more free form from now on.


Everybody is going mental again about the cruelty of Game of Thrones. Shouldn't we all know better by now. Personally, I chose to take things in stride. And as someone who has actually read the books and was less shocked in the past I find it somewhat thrilling that the writers of the TV show have departed from the books quite significantly. Even playing field, at last!

The biggest shocks of season 5, according to all the feels displayed all over the internet, are Sansa's rape, Stannis sacrificing his daughter to the God of Light and Jon Snow's death by his sworn brothers hands. Half the audience is still hoping he made it, magically. Yeah....no. But hey, people have been known to come back to some kind of life on GoT, so maybe there is hope.

Granted, Sansa got handed a very raw deal. That Ramsay Bolton (formerly Snow) is a real piece of work. (Care for a surprise? Go and watch the English sitcom Vicious. Here, Iwan Rheon (aka Ramsay Bolton) plays the hapless and slightly stupid character Ash, who is about as different from his GoT character as he can possibly be.) And what horrible timing! Just when the poor girl finally makes it to the broken tower to alert Brienne of Tarth that she really needs some saving here, Stannis decides to march on Winterfell.

Which brings us to the second big one. The Red Woman (now there's a character to hate on!) has at long last convinced Stannis to sacrifice little Shireen to the God of Light. They burn the child alive. And her mother, who actually brought that wretched Red Woman into all their lives in the first place, suddenly grows a conscience and wants this to Just! Stop! Stannis, trapped in his stubborn, regal skin shows barely any emotion but his distraught wife cannot live with herself after this.

The result of the sacrificial burning of Shireen is not at all what Stannis or the Red Woman expected. The vision Melisandre had was of burning Bolton banners. A clear sign that Stannis is to be victorious, surely. What happens after the sacrificial burning of his child is, in fact, the polar opposite.

And am I the only that mourns Stannis Baratheon? He was actually one of my favorite characters. Not that I believe him to be right. His belief in the visions of Melisandre were so obviously misguided but he genuinely believed that he was the rightful ruler of the Seven Kingdoms and any god would be on his side.

I am less sorry to see Jon Snow go, however horrified the community may be about this. He was actually one of my least favorite characters (right after the Mother of Dragons, which may have to do with her being portrayed by an only marginally talented actress). All the righteousness and goodness and hair! But, really, he knew nothing. Good riddance.

The Bourne Legacy

For the longest time I thought that in The Bourne Legacy Jeremy Renner simply replaced Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. Not so. This film covers the second generation of special operatives and/or trained assassins.

If I got all this straight, during the Treadstone Project they were called Assets, for the Blackfriar Project they were Outcomes and then there is also a new project (but very hush-hush) called LARX and the operatives are called, well, LARX.

What is covered here is the story of what happened after (or while) the New York Jason Bourne fiasco took place. The ultimate asset (Bourne) and LARX #3 are merely the bookends to the story, however. Here we concentrate on Outcome Aaron Cross. This is the Jeremy Renner role.

Behind the scenes of Blackfriar (up to a point) and LARX (hush!) is Edward Norton, who runs a detail and yells at people around him, one of which is played by Stacy Keach. So, we have established that Stacy Keach is still alive and still working. Has he been in anything else lately?

And yes, this is all a adrenaline rush again. But if you (and I) thought that The Bourne Ultimatum had an impressive cast, well, this one here is even more impressive (see above and add Oscar Isaac as one of the Outcomes, Rachel Weisz as the Damsel in Distress and Zeljko Ivanek as a scientist that goes coo-coo; also they put Corey Stoll in the background and threw him a few lines).

The big chase here is car/motorbike, initially, and then moves to motorbike/motorbike.

A tiny step down from the previous two but still a nail biter.

6/10

The Bourne Ultimatum

At long last, Jason Bourne remembers how he became what he is. Random memories come flooding in on him at the most inopportune times. The conclusion is devastating.

But first, some irritation. We ended part two in New York with a phone call between Bourne and Pamela Lindy. This scene also happens in part three of the saga, but not before going back to Moscow, then London, Madrid and Algiers. Also, there is a short visit in Paris. The payoff this time, however, is that everything will finally make sense.

Contrary to the first two Bourne films, here we not only get a car chase (in New York, no less!) but also a chase on foot an one involving a motorcycle, both in Algiers, when Bourne is running from and then after an assassin (or "asset" as they are called in this universe).

The cast of these films just keeps getting better. This one features not only Joan Allen and Julia Stiles, whom we have both encountered before, but Scott Glenn, Albert Finney, Paddy Considine, Daniel Brühl, David Strathairn (always a welcome sight) and Édgar Ramírez (who, if I am not mistaken, has all of one line despite being on screen a considerable amount of time).

Now, what could the next one possibly have in store for us?

8/10