On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Several of my friends told me that this particular Bond film is excellent. I don't agree. There are just two many things that bothered me.

First of all, George Lazenby. I understand that he was the most sought after male model for several years in the 1960s and has some martial arts skills. He certainly looks the part. My issue? I don't like his voice. Stupid, I know, but there you are.

Then, there are a few things about the setting, and some bits and pieces.

James Bond frequently speaks to himself - in the most arrogant and pompous manner imaginable. Also, we are led to believe that he is very much in love with Tracy (Diana Riggs, soon to be Queen of Thorns in Game of Thrones). Yet, he will sleep with every woman that crosses his path (see: Angels of Death).

The Angels of Death are a group of brainwashed beauties that über-culprit Blofeld experiments on to find a way to eliminate any species (plant, animal, whatever) if he so choses. This is what he intends to dangle over NATO's head, as he so conveniently explains in details to James Bond. Yes, and why do James Bond villains do that, explain their plans to the opponent?

But let's return to the Angels of Death for a minute. There is a scene with all of them - and an undercover James Bond - having dinner, each one only one type of food, all meat, all potatoes, all corn. So far, so weird. The Chinese woman in the group eats, yes, rice. The Indian eats naan. And the Jamaican eats...wait for it...bananas. WTF? You try putting that in a film nowadays.

Later, after an exciting escape from a hilltop, the inevitable car chase. Tracy and Bond get followed by a group of baddies. Both cars end up in the middle of a stock car competition (you know, like you do) and they go faster than all the other cars (like you do). The bad guys shoot out of the window at the Tracy/Bond vehicle - that is, the right window. Never mind that the car they are trying to hit is to their left.

When leaving the race, Bond says, "I told you that crowd will discourage them." What? How were they discouraged? They fucking shot at you with hundreds of people around!

Redeeming features?

Telly Savalas is my favorite Blofeld yet. And one of the Angels of Death is Joanna Lumley.

3/10



Goldfinger

Goldfinger marks the first Bond film in which a renowned artist sings the so-called Bond theme. The wonderful Shirley Bassey eventually sang three Bond themes, this one probably being my favorite.

It also marks a rather unfortunate beginning for 007 himself. First, he wears a onesie, then he shows off some back hair (ew!) and he gets his lover killed. She looks very pretty when dead, of course, covered all in gold. This also started the believe that a body covered in gold dies from 'epidermal suffocation' unless you leave a patch of skin on the neck uncovered. Whereas it is possible for toxins or bacteria could enter the body through the skin pores and can lead to injury and in the worst case death, it is highly unlikely to happen in the manner depicted. But it does look pretty.

We also have the first villain played by a respected character actor, making bond villain quite an interesting gig. The late Gert Fröbe plays Auric Goldfinger, aided by his henchman/bodyguard Oddjob (and his murderous hat!). The Bond girl in this has the to date most ridiculous name (and still the legendary one) - Pussy Galore.

And on top of it all, Goldfinger also features another well-remembered scene - Bond gets straped to a table and a laser threatens to cut him in half - you know the one I am talking about. Q also gave James Bond a pimped up car to play with (and ruin).

For all the above, this remains one of the highlights of the series and one of the best Bond films to date.

9/10