Trog

Where to begin with this ridiculous mess?

A trio of hobby mountaineers stumbles upon the entry to a cave that apparently no man has ever been in. Weirdly enough, though, the entrance is huge and barely hidden by a few small bushes and trees. Must not be a very popular spot. In the cave lives the creature Trog, half ape, half man - for so says the all-knowing Dr. Brockton (played by Joan Crawford, although why she would deem it necessary to appear in this POS is beyond me), no first name available.

Anyway, one of the hobby cave dwellers gets killed by the creature, one suffers from shock induced delirium and is never considered after a short visit in his hospital room, the third sides with Dr. Brockton in wanting to study the Trog.

Of course, there are those who simply want to do away with the creature - represented by Mr. Murdoch, the most vocal opponent of the idea of studying the 'missing link'. At this point, let me include a piece of dialogue of the film, said by Mr. Murdoch, "Go ahead, Missing Link. If that's what you are, you should be missing!"

There are repeated hearings on the matter and Brockton gets a quasi go ahead as she proudly announces that Trog, after a procedure, can now speak simple words. During the procedure the scientists are able to, uhm, read? Trogs mind. We are treated to his memory footage of dinosaurs fighting to the death. The scenes are shown from sometimes, I dunno, five different angles, so Trog must have been working with steady cams to form his memories.

The situation comes to blows after Murdoch breaks into the laboratory, where Trog is apparently under surveillance "day and night". But really, has it ever been so easy to break into any facility ever? And when Murdoch takes the room Trog is kept in apart as noisily as possible (see, his bright idea is it to have people think that Trog did this and OMG! what a savage beast he is), nobody can hear anything? After he does the deed and wants to flee the premises, however, Murdoch is attacked and killed by the now free Trog. When the scientists (awakened by the car horn that the dead man falls onto) find Trog in the garden standing over the body, the beast escapes by....somersaulting over a low gate.

(I'm not making this up.)

Now everybody is after him and he gets cornered and killed back in his original cave. Dr. Brockton walks off sadly.

2/10

Film Quote

from Firefly

Her

On the risk of repeating myself: Joaquin Phoenix is a gorgeous, gorgeous man. True, it took me a minute to get over the 'stache, but even that most horrible of fashion fads (yes, it looks bad on everyone) cannot hide the fact for too long.

Also, I'm sure we can all agree that he is a brilliant actor on top of this. For a film like Her nobody of lesser acting ability would do. It takes a lot to keep an audience focused and involved in a film that mostly shows the same person throughout. Here, he is put into a film that is all atmosphere. The surroundings, however bleak at times, are stunning. The music is pretty, too.

Much has been said about Scarlett Johansson's exceptional performance as the voice that Theodore, the character played by Joaquin Phoenix, falls in love with (and she/it with him). The few actual supporting actors around Phoenix are ideally cast, as well. Amy Adams especially (also not at her best looking), who plays the role of old friend, gives an understated and believable performance.

Of course, the film is not perfect. The operating system ("Samantha") tends to be annoyingly whiny at times and I am sure that the relatively slow pace is not for everyone, but the story is beautifully embedded into a bleak yet beautiful world.

You won't see many films like this one.

8/10

The Other Woman

I had no intention of seeing this film. The premise sounded like everything I dislike in a film. But I won tickets to it. Sure I'll go if it's free.

To my surprise I ended up enjoying it. Yes, I still detest bathroom humor of any kind and I can do without people vomiting in purses (something I recently encountered on film twice), but if I block that from memory, the film was still pretty entertaining.

Most of the credit for this goes to Leslie Mann. She plays the betrayed wife that gave up everything for her husband and does so in a whiny, clingy way that borders on the annoying but never quite falls onto the wrong side of an imaginary thin line on that account. Cameron Diaz does what she always does and what (sadly) appears to be the only thing she is any good at. Why Kate Upton is in this is beyond me. The wife/lover duo would have been sufficiently funny and menacing without the blond bimbo hanging around. I can confirm, that her boobs jiggle when she runs (I know that boobs do that from experience, thankyouverymuch) and that she is good at playing dumb. (Too good?)

Despite the little hick-ups this was fun. Also, New York.

6/10

The Lorax

Here is a perfectly charming adaption of Dr. Seuss's environmental cautionary tale The Lorax. Renders the 2012 version obsolete.

8/10

The Nut Job

I like animated films. I do. But they still need to try a little harder than this.

The story is nothing new - group of animals have to work together but don't realize that their 'leader' (in this case a raccoon) is a total scumbag. They believe everything is for the good of all and listen to everything raccoon says with wide eyed wonder. Then there is the anti-raccoon, a squirrel, who is a bit of a loner and has previously crossed raccoon.

They have to find provision for the winter and it takes a multitude of shitty moves before the group wises up to raccoon's insincerity and the squirrel's bigheartedness. The story plays out with all the usual puns and nothing overly exciting happening that hasn't happened many, many times in some variation before.

There are some cute moments (mostly involving a dog) and an evil little girl scout (who is pretty awesome, to be honest) and a rat that somehow follows the title character squirrel everywhere despite the squirrel being a total asshole to the rat (which is all a front, really, because he actually likes the rat a lot but doesn't want to show so as to not taint his rough-guy front). The rat, by the way, was played by the same rat that was already in Ratatouille (a little worse for wear nowadays).

Meh.

4/10

Would You Rather

This is stupid.

Some rich idiot offers desperate people a way to get their hands on money by playing - and winning - a game. The main character is poor Iris, who needs the money to pay for her sick brother's treatments. The game is held in some remote house and the group is more or less diverse. They proceed to play "would you rather", only the choices are between electrocuting yourself or the person next to you, stabbing one person in the thigh with an ice pick or hitting another with a mean looking stick, having your head under water for 2 minutes or choose an unknown punishment in an envelope.

This sounds like quite interesting horror fair. Alas, it is not. The story plays out surprisingly boring. During the first twenty minutes or so there is nonstop music (which I am not a fan of...the concept, not the particular type of music).

The weirdest moment (I thought) comes when Iris briefly escapes out of the dining room into the vast house. She is followed by former MI5 agent Bevans, who instinctively opens the door she moments ago went through (the obvious door, the only unlocked door) and when it opens onto a flight of stairs he simply closes it again and moves elsewhere. Bevans is a surprisingly wooden and two-dimensional character.

Also, the son of the head honcho, who gets stabbed in the leg by Iris when he catches her in time before she crawls out the window, is never seen or heard from again, although obviously alive. He has been told off by his father before the game because apparently he tends to 'touch' the players inappropriately. This is never further explored beyond him trying to take advantage of the escapee.

In the end, Iris wins the game and goes home with a bag full of money only to find that her brother killed himself with pills.

2/10