A Lonely Place to Die

I didn't read up on what this film was about. So at first glance, it looked like a climbing movie (*snore*). What with the title and all, I expected an accident that would leave one climber alone stuck somewhere on a mountain range.

Luckily, this is not what happens.

A group of mountaineers (five to begin with) are out in the Scottish highlands when they stumble upon a little girl that has been kidnapped and kept inside a box underground. They take the girl with them and while a couple head off to take a precarious but short route to the nearest hamlet, the others go off with the girl. Unfortunately for all, the kidnappers are already hot on their heals and have no qualms about killing them off one by one. And this they do.

The kidnappers apparently have been in the business of abducting young children from out of state and making millions off of their parents. Here they are about to meet with a negotiator speaking for the girl's father, when their bargain chip gets snatched up, so their problems are multiple. Nevertheless, they still try to pull off the money handover (without having anything to trade in for it).

In the end, the girl is save (of course, she is), the last remaining heroine is on her way to the hospital and the one surviving kidnapper is captured himself and gets some hands-on treatment from the girl's father and his henchmen.

Quite exciting with casualties falling left and right.

6/10

47 Ronin

This is the seventh time, the (apparently) famous Japanese story of the 47 Ronin has been made into film. The tale must have quite the impact on the Japanese, as the graves of the 47 (or, there should be 46, if the retelling in this version is to be believed, shouldn't there?) are still honored and visited every year to celebrate their bravery. The films came out in 1947, 1958, 1962, 1978, 1994 and 2010 before Hollywood got its fingers on it and threw big money towards a lavish production.

The men seek revenge for their master, who has been tricked to lose his honor. But the shogun, benevolently, allowed him to day an honorable death anyway. His former samurai are forbidden to take revenge on the villain, who - for good measure - throws the number 2 guy, Ōishi, in a dungeon for a year, also the period of time he allows the master's daughter to mourn her father before having to marry the villain.

When the year comes to an end, Ōishi is freed and looks for the 'half breed' Kai, who may or may not be a demon (yes, of course he is...sort of), and who is also in love with the aforementioned daughter. Ōishi finds Kai in some Pirates of the Caribbean looking harbor (I could swear I saw Captain Jack Sparrow), where is enslaved and has to fight creatures that have been reused from the production of The Lord of the Rings, no doubt.

Together they find the other ronin, some of whom are none to happy to have Kai back. But there is a lady to save from an unhappy marriage, so they put their differences aside for the time being and go off to find weapons worthy of their cause. Luckily, a much younger Kai once fled from a magic forest, where swords grow. He leads them back their and arms the men.

The rest of the story is scheming the forbidden revenge. They suffer setbacks, mostly courtesy of the witch that the villain employs (at her worst she turns into a whirling mess of cloth and disguises herself as the evil cousin of Falkor the Luck Dragon). But they are let into the fortress of the villain on his wedding day by hiding with a theater group (Trojan horse, if ever there was one) and kick some ass, save the girl and behead the evil villain.

The shogun, ever the gentlemen, berates them for disobeying his order of non-revenge and allows them to day honorably, as well, save for Ōishi son, who is spared so that the brave man's bloodline can continue.

All this is spectacular to look at, no doubt. Who cares if the acting is wooden (it is, after all, Keanu Reeves we are looking at)? I had fun, although I cannot confirm the exact number of the ronin involved, as it seemed to fluctuate quite a bit. They officially announced themselves to be 47 at around the 1 h 23 min mark, after they had already suffered some casualties. Oh well, whatever.

A revelation this is not. The historic accuracy is highly doubtful. The acting is average at best (except for Ōishi, Ōishi is awesome). But it is beautifully shot and you can tell where the budget went.

6/10

Malik Bendjelloul, 1977-2014

Malik Bendjelloul, Oscar winner for the wonderful documentary Searching for Sugar Man, killed himself at age 36. Here is the obituary from The Guardian.

Trog

Where to begin with this ridiculous mess?

A trio of hobby mountaineers stumbles upon the entry to a cave that apparently no man has ever been in. Weirdly enough, though, the entrance is huge and barely hidden by a few small bushes and trees. Must not be a very popular spot. In the cave lives the creature Trog, half ape, half man - for so says the all-knowing Dr. Brockton (played by Joan Crawford, although why she would deem it necessary to appear in this POS is beyond me), no first name available.

Anyway, one of the hobby cave dwellers gets killed by the creature, one suffers from shock induced delirium and is never considered after a short visit in his hospital room, the third sides with Dr. Brockton in wanting to study the Trog.

Of course, there are those who simply want to do away with the creature - represented by Mr. Murdoch, the most vocal opponent of the idea of studying the 'missing link'. At this point, let me include a piece of dialogue of the film, said by Mr. Murdoch, "Go ahead, Missing Link. If that's what you are, you should be missing!"

There are repeated hearings on the matter and Brockton gets a quasi go ahead as she proudly announces that Trog, after a procedure, can now speak simple words. During the procedure the scientists are able to, uhm, read? Trogs mind. We are treated to his memory footage of dinosaurs fighting to the death. The scenes are shown from sometimes, I dunno, five different angles, so Trog must have been working with steady cams to form his memories.

The situation comes to blows after Murdoch breaks into the laboratory, where Trog is apparently under surveillance "day and night". But really, has it ever been so easy to break into any facility ever? And when Murdoch takes the room Trog is kept in apart as noisily as possible (see, his bright idea is it to have people think that Trog did this and OMG! what a savage beast he is), nobody can hear anything? After he does the deed and wants to flee the premises, however, Murdoch is attacked and killed by the now free Trog. When the scientists (awakened by the car horn that the dead man falls onto) find Trog in the garden standing over the body, the beast escapes by....somersaulting over a low gate.

(I'm not making this up.)

Now everybody is after him and he gets cornered and killed back in his original cave. Dr. Brockton walks off sadly.

2/10

Film Quote

from Firefly

Her

On the risk of repeating myself: Joaquin Phoenix is a gorgeous, gorgeous man. True, it took me a minute to get over the 'stache, but even that most horrible of fashion fads (yes, it looks bad on everyone) cannot hide the fact for too long.

Also, I'm sure we can all agree that he is a brilliant actor on top of this. For a film like Her nobody of lesser acting ability would do. It takes a lot to keep an audience focused and involved in a film that mostly shows the same person throughout. Here, he is put into a film that is all atmosphere. The surroundings, however bleak at times, are stunning. The music is pretty, too.

Much has been said about Scarlett Johansson's exceptional performance as the voice that Theodore, the character played by Joaquin Phoenix, falls in love with (and she/it with him). The few actual supporting actors around Phoenix are ideally cast, as well. Amy Adams especially (also not at her best looking), who plays the role of old friend, gives an understated and believable performance.

Of course, the film is not perfect. The operating system ("Samantha") tends to be annoyingly whiny at times and I am sure that the relatively slow pace is not for everyone, but the story is beautifully embedded into a bleak yet beautiful world.

You won't see many films like this one.

8/10

The Other Woman

I had no intention of seeing this film. The premise sounded like everything I dislike in a film. But I won tickets to it. Sure I'll go if it's free.

To my surprise I ended up enjoying it. Yes, I still detest bathroom humor of any kind and I can do without people vomiting in purses (something I recently encountered on film twice), but if I block that from memory, the film was still pretty entertaining.

Most of the credit for this goes to Leslie Mann. She plays the betrayed wife that gave up everything for her husband and does so in a whiny, clingy way that borders on the annoying but never quite falls onto the wrong side of an imaginary thin line on that account. Cameron Diaz does what she always does and what (sadly) appears to be the only thing she is any good at. Why Kate Upton is in this is beyond me. The wife/lover duo would have been sufficiently funny and menacing without the blond bimbo hanging around. I can confirm, that her boobs jiggle when she runs (I know that boobs do that from experience, thankyouverymuch) and that she is good at playing dumb. (Too good?)

Despite the little hick-ups this was fun. Also, New York.

6/10