The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

Where to start with this mess?

Clary is not your normal young woman but rather a Shadowhunter which she only realizes when she starts drawing this symbol over and over. Turns out her mother is a Shadowhunter, too, that years ago stole and hid the Mortal Cup that everyone is after. One of the creepy guys that want it is one Valentine who learned to summon demons and went over to the dark side.

Then Clary gets attacked and saved and updated and armed. She crushes on Jace, another Shadowhunter, which will turn into this weird Luke/Leia thing later because, really, Valentine is both their father. There are also the aforementioned demons and werewolves and vampires and a witch but no zombies (because zombies are not real).

Also, Clary's friend Simon (who is, of course, in love with her) gets bitten by a vampire and only Clary knows and nothing ever comes of it, anyway. Not sure what the point of that was.

There is also some club hopping and double crossing and sword fights and half naked blond boys. And then there is the kitschy music moment and lots and lots of dopey dialogue.

What is really sad is that the wonderful Robert Sheehan is in this. What a waste.

Yeah, it's bad.

1/10

The Ward

Kristen is put into a mental facility after she burned down a farm house and can't quite remember doing it or why she did it.

She shares the ward with a handful of other young women who are different kinds of crazy. Collectively they are being haunted by one Alice Hudson, who appears to be a ghost or apparition. Alice kills off the girls one by one while the remaining few try to get away from the hospital.

In the end, Kirsten slays the ghost (with an axe, you know....like you do) only to learn that she was all the inmates all along. She came in as Alice and to deal with a childhood trauma she developed multiple personalities.

The whole thing was kind of meh! and the conclusion is stupid if you want my opinion.

3/10