A Perfect Getaway

It's always the ones you least suspect.

What looks like a dream honeymoon for a lovely couple about to go horribly wrong because a man/woman killer duo is roaming the Hawaiian islands turns out to be a charade played by said duo, which is actually the couple honeymooning.

First, a set of decoys is sent in. Here they come in the form of a guy that looks, sounds, acts and feels like a very bad guy. He and his hippie girlfriend are neatly pushed out of the way by the real bad guy, who plants evidence on them and has an unsuspecting bystander alarm the authorities of this 'suspicious' couple of tourists.

Then there is the big-talking cool hunky dude with his girlfriend. They are into very much in love and into drugs. He is also very handy with all kinds of weaponry. They seem like the perfect for for murderous duo in paradise. Those two turn out to be the actual targets, though.

But thanks to the killer briefly losing all ability to hit anyone properly with his gun (and then suddenly shooting and killing four guys in quick succession without blinking an eye) and his woman suddenly growing a conscience and smelling the opportunity to finally get out from under his thumb (and we know she only ever went along with killing people because he had this spell over her) the two survive. They may be all bloody but they are still very much in love and supposedly set to live happily ever after. Awwww!

Side note: Milla Jovovich can pronounce the word "Wow!" so convincingly, she is made to say it what feels like fifty times within the first ten minutes. And she is not much of an actress, is she?

4/10

Thor: The Dark World

A long, long time ago, the Dark Elfs (the evil to Asgard's good) lead by Malekith were defeated by Bor's (yep, Odin's father) army. Malekith was about to release the deadliest of weapons, known as Aether, which is only possible when all nine worlds align. After their victory, Bor has the Aether hidden...hopefully never to be found again. A handful of the bad guys escape and sleep in space until the weapon can be located again - this will only be possible the next time the worlds align.

Fast forward to today. Loki is thrown into prison by Odin, where he is to spend the rest of his existence. Meanwhile, Thor is cleaning up his brother's messes in all the worlds. His beloved Jane and her team are in London. Erik, however, is missing but quickly relocated as he made the news because he ran around naked in Stonehenge. While following weird info from their various instruments, Jane and her posse locate some sort of portal between different worlds. Jane is sucked into the one where the Aether is hidden and is taken over by the substance.

This awakes the resting Dark Elfs that attack Asgard, where Jane has been brought to by Thor. The battle is fierce and not only leaves considerable destruction in its wake but also costs Odin's wife's life. Thor's idea on how to solve the crisis differs wildly from Odin's. The son wants to take Jane back to earth to get the Dark Elfs out of hiding and defeat them right after the Aether has left Jane but before Malekith can use it. Odin wants to keep Jane locked to lure the Dark Elfs back to Asgard and defeat them there.

Thor, with a little help of his usual posse, springs his own plan into action. However, he needs the help of his brother Loki, who knows a secret passageway out of Asgard. When Thor, Loki and Jane meet with the Dark Elfs they stage a fight between the brothers to cause confusion as to where their loyalties lie. During the fight, the Aether cannot be destroyed how Thor had hoped and even though the bad guys suffer some losses, Loki dies in the fight (but fear not, Loki fans, he is not really dead - I repeat: Loki is not really dead!).

For the ultimate showdown, Thor, Jane and her group of scientist have to grow to Greenwich, the epicenter of the aligning worlds. Then, epic battle and - finally - victory for the good guys.

In the end, Thor asks Odin to not make him king so that he can return to Jane. He leaves with Odin's blessing but as soon as he is gone, Odin shapeshifts to become Loki (oh, witchery!).

6/10

Ollie Klublershturf vs. the Nazis