Tales from the Crypt: And All Through the House

A woman kills her husband with a poker to the head on Christmas Eve. After she sends her daughter to bed, who is all excited about the impending visit of Santa Claus, she dregs the body out of the house to drop it into a well.

As she does so she misses the all important news bulletin warning people in the area of an escaped convict, murderer of four women, who is heavy set and thought to be dressed up as - you guessed it - Santa. And he attacks her right then and there. Luckily, she is able to fend him off and flee into the (yes, very remote) house.

In her first panic, she calls 911 but hangs up when she cannot see her attacker. Shortly after, her phone rings, but while she ponders whether or not she should answer, a tire comes flying though the window and Santa attacks her from behind.She manages to smash his head in with an ax he was carrying.

Then the phone rings again. Local law enforcement checks up on all residents in the area and she is informed that an officer will stop by in 20 minutes. Now that she has two bodies laying outside, she plans to frame Santa for her husbands death, hitting his head with the ax a few times to cover up the head wound from the poker.

Then the door to the house falls shut and she searches her husbands body for the keys while her little daughter looks out the window to see a shape in the snow where until just a minute ago the body of Santa had been lying. Must not have been as dead, after all.

Then she calls to report her husband's murder and when looking out the window realizes that the ax is no longer in his head and that Santa is no longer dead. Now she is in a real panic. She accidentally locks herself inside a closet right under her daughter's room and watches as Santa climbs up a ladder, ax in hand with the little girl cheering him on.

The last scene is the girl holding Santa's hand followed by a close up of the mother screaming.

5/10

Tales from the Crypt: Spoiled

There were some really crappy episodes on Tales From The Crypt. Case in point: Spoiled, the penultimate episode of season 3.

A neglected doctor's wife takes a few cues from a bad TV show and tries to seduce her husband. When she fails to succeed she gets cable TV (to better receive her favorite show) and starts and affair with the cable guy (another great actor that paid his dues, Anthony LaPaglia). They do it in the living room while her husband is pouring himself into his research downstairs.

However, he does catch them in the act one day (they don't even notice) and he immediately starts plotting his revenge on the lovers. He uses them to step up his research from rabbits to humans.

2/10

Tales from the Crypt: The Sacrifice

Insurance salesman James sells life insurance to rich asshole Sebastian Fleming. Soon after he starts an affair with his wife Gloria and together they hatch a plan to kill Sebastian. They do so by throwing him off the balcony.

Since Sebastian had not yet signed the papers the police have no reason to suspect murder and file the case away as an accident. So far so good. Unfortunately, as soon as the police has left, old family friend Jasper shows up to commiserate the new widow.

He also shares the information that - since he has been in love with Gloria for a long time - he had rented a place right across the street to at least see her every once in a while. Also, he takes the occasional picture with a long lens camera and he just happened to snap a few of James throwing Sebastian to his death.

Jasper threatens to give the pictures to the police unless he is allowed to "share" Gloria with James. They agree, but James has a hard time dealing with the situation and eventually kills himself. Which was the plan all along. Gloria and Jasper ride off into the sunset together.

3/10

Tales from the Crypt: Only Sin Deep

Hooker Sylvia wants to make her way off the street by bagging a wealthy bachelor. To get into one of his parties she needs cash for outfit and general beautification. So one night she shoots her pimp and tries to pawn off his watch and gold jewelry. The pawn shop worker offers her a wad of money for a mold of her face. Sylvia jumps at the chance and is given a 4-month window to change her mind and sorta get her face back. She does get the guy, of course.

As soon as the 4 months are over, her skin starts to age rapidly. As she missed the window by one day, she is now told to pay 10,000 $ for the return of her pretty skin. When she desperately cleans out all the valuables in her boyfriends apartment he walk into the room, not recognizing her. As he is calling the police to report the intruder she shoots him.

Back at the pawn shop she realizes that if she does get her beauty back she will end up in jail because her face is all over the newspapers and she is a wanted criminal.

I did not like this one much.

2/10

Tales from the Crypt: The Man Who Was Death

The very first episode of Tales from the Crypt is narrated by this charmingly handsome man:

His name is Niles Talbot and he is the executioner at a penitentiary. That is, until the death penalty in his state is abolished and Niles finds himself out of a job. However, he continues his work of electrocuting murderers that the judiciary system failed to put behind bars (you know, like Dexter does).

He branches out after a while, but before he can fry a go-go dancer in her metal cage, he gets caught....right when the death penalty is reinstated. He faces the electric chair as badly as many before him, screaming and cursing and scared as hell.

Great kick-off episode!

8/10