Kingsman: The Secret Service

After getting home from the movie theater just now, the first thing I did was go to imdb.com and checked the rating Kingsman: The Secret Service has there. And just as I remembered, people seem to like it. Why is beyond me.

To me this was all just very underwhelming.

Sure, it is fun to watch Colin Firth, who we all know from playing very sophisticated gentlemen, beat the shit out of a bunch of drunk half-wits in a pub. I love Colin Firth. Who doesn't? Also, I always approve of Michael Caine and Mark Strong. Obviously.

But even though the action sequences are quite impressive (the church massacre, the heads exploding) and you can see that a lot of money went into the production, I found it all just very underwhelming.

I admit, I laughed a few times and joined the choir of Awww whenever JB, the pug (no, not for James Bond or Jason Bourne but for Jack Bauer), was shown. But I was not entertained as much as I hoped I would be.

Mostly, I found the training bits very annoying. Couldn't have cared less about any of the would-be recruits (not even the one I was supposed to care about). And, man, did Samuel L. Jackson's lisp grow old quickly, or what?

Meh! sums it up quite well.

5/10

Patriot Games

I am about to give you some sad news and you have to be very strong now...Sean Bean dies.

Cause of death: impaling by anchor, followed by explosion (for good measure).

Now to the actual story of the film.

A group loosely affiliated with the IRA is making an attempt to kidnap one Lord Holmes, cousin to the Queen of England. What they did not factor in is that ex-CIA agent Jack Ryan would leisurely stroll by and throw himself in the middle of it all to not only save the Lord and his family but also take out a few bad guys while he's at it. One of them is little Patrick Miller, whose brother Sean (this is Sean playing Sean) is right there to witness his baby brother killed.

He is incarcerated, he swears revenge, his friends get him out of jail and while they still have their sights set on Lord Holmes, Sean has his eyes set on Jack Ryan. Yes, one of the members of the group of IRA guys going rouge is about to go rouge.

Shoot-outs, training camps in North Africa, a few explosions, cars forced off the road, a boat chase and the ultimate fight to death on a speeding, burning boat in the middle of a storm (because it wouldn't be an action sequence without there being a storm, obviously).

Yes, this is mostly standard action fare. Only, this has a way better cast than your random action movie. The original Jack Ryan is Harrison Ford. You also have James Earl Jones, James Fox, Richard Harris, Samuel L. Jackson, a very young Thora Birch - and those are just the supporting players. And of course there is Sean Bean and his brother in arms (until he falls victim to Sean/Sean's blinding revenge) is Patrick Bergin (whatever happened to him, I wonder).

6/10

Jurassic Park

On paper, this should not be my kind of film. It falls into the adventure category, it was made for the masses, it features dinosaurs and it is from the 1990's (read: dated, but not in a cool 1970's way). Yes, it took me until today to watch it...because I wasn't really interested before. But this is one of those films that everybody has to see at some point, I guess.

And...

It is awesome!

This seriously kept me on the edge of my seat and had me watch with open mouth, especially during the very first dinosaur attack, when the car with the kids inside gets pushed around.

Now, as this is a Steven Spielberg film, it is of course obvious that all the characters we care about will make it out alive. Even that knowledge that not let me become ambivalent about what I was watching. It is just exciting the entire time. I guess that is all one can ask from an adventure blockbuster.

With a big name director come some big name actors. Sam Neill (who was huge at the time), Jeff Goldblum (always a good choice), Laura Dern, the late Richard Attenborough and a chain smoking Samuel L. Jackson.

Why, oh why did I wait so long to watch this?

9/10

RoboCop

I know I have seen the original RoboCop. I mean, I must have. Right? What I remember from it is...nothing. So I went to the new version of it with a fresh mind and not expecting anything.

First off, I don't really know who the guy is that plays the lead character, Joel Kinnaman. Yes, I am aware that he is in the US version of The Killing (did anyone need that?) but beyond that, no idea. Playing RoboCop is not really the best means to show your acting range, though, now is it? The rest of the cast is really high profile in comparison. I haven't seen Michael Keaton in a while (last time would have been in The Other Guys), Gary Oldman is apparently in everything now, the totally forgettable looking Abbie Cornish is there and the great, underrated, underapprechiated and underused Michael K. Williams.

So far, so good.

Then, of course, there is Jay Baruchel. Why the hell is Jay Baruchel in this to ruin an otherwise enjoyable, fast paced, action packed, sprinkled-with-jokes film? His voice has an annoying quality that would only work for a muppet and he is not much of an actor. *sigh*

But lucky for me and the rest of last night's audience there is also Samuel L. Jackson. His involvement alone makes this worth seeing. He plays a right-leaning, opinionated TV personality with his own sorta political show. And he very much approves of robots let lose to guard the streets of US cities. And he gets to swear. A little. At the end. He is awesome.

Sure, the film is no revelation. Neither is Joel Kinnaman. Some of the shootouts are very, very noisy. But the in-between jokes and irony make this entertaining.

5/10

Deep Blue Sea

On a remote research facility - actually a former submarine refueling station - a group of scientists works on a cure for Alzheimer's disease. On of them, Dr. Susan McAlester, has not quite conducted herself as the code of ethics require her to. She secretly tampered with their test subjects - a trio of Mako sharks - to increase their brain capacity - because bigger brains = more test material to harvest, right. Well, actually, bigger brains = smarter sharks, also.

The first indication of the troubles to come is an attack on a boat full of teenagers by an escaped shark. After the incident, a representative of the financiers of the project, Russell Franklin, is sent to the research facility to investigate. To impress the man, the team takes brain tissue from the largest of the three sharks (all of them back in captivity now). During the procedure, however, the fish tears off one scientist's arm. Then the helicopter sent to rescue the injured man is downed by sharks, as well, taking with it part of the construction. The body of the poor injured researcher is then used as a ram to smash a window of the lab, flooding it.

At this point, Dr. McAlester confesses to her fellow scientists. After initially being angry at her, Franklin holds a rousing speach about the importance of group unity. Here follows the most ridiculously brilliant scene of the entire film. Franklin, who stands on the edge of a basin opening into the sea, is snatched off and eaten by two sharks. Mid sentence. The group rallying to find a way to get up to surface is ever dwindling in numbers and at the same time, somewhere inside the facility the cook Sherman "Preacher" Dudley (with his pet parrot) is also trying to escape.

The only people to actually make it to the surface are Dr. McAlester, the gung ho Carter Blake and Preacher, who is almost eaten by one of the sharks but manages to get to safety. In an effort to save her fellow survivors (and possibly make amends for what she has done) Dr. McAlester lures the - now also diminished number of - sharks away from the others by offering herself up as bait. Unfortunately for her, this works for the other two but she does not manage to escape. While she is being eaten, the last shark is shot by Preacher.

Has all the makings of a run of the mill don't-mess-with-genetics thriller, with just enough humor to make it worthwhile.

6/10

Django Unchained

This film is totally insane, very bloody and way over the top. It's a Quentin Tarantino film so this was to be expected.

Bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (played by the always awesome Christoph Waltz) frees slave Django from a chain gang - in the most hilarious manner - to help him find identify three brothers he intends to kill for money. They draw a lot of attention because Django is on horseback and that is a very unusual sight in a land where slavery is the norm. Schultz and Django arrange to work together as bounty hunters through the winter and then go and free Django's wife Broomhilda von Shaft (yes, that is her name) from the clutches of Monsieur Candie (the farm is called "Candie Land").

That is basically the story.

Everything else is vintage Tarantino - violence, fountains of blood, extended shoot-outs, hilarious dialogue and cameos galore (including original Django Franco Nero).

As for the acting - Waltz is brilliant, as is Jamie Foxx. DiCaprio is as good as he's ever going to be in any given film (read: ok). My very favorite of them all, however, is Samuel L. Jackson as house slave Steven, who has made himself a comfortable living sucking up to his white owners and pretending to be a limping, hard-of-hearing imbecile, when really he is a conniving SOB.

8/10