Day of the Animals aka Something Is Out There

In the beginning, text on screen (very helpful device) informs us that in 1974 scientists started warning about the long term effects of the damage to the ozone layer. And that "This motion picture dramatizes what COULD happen in the near future IF we continue to do nothing to stop this damage to Nature's protective shields for life on this planet."

As the story unfolds, however, I lose the connection with the implications made in that statement. See, the danger to humanity as depicted here are animals. Considering that we are animals, as well, something is very wrong with the premise. But of course, there is no point in arguing with logic in a 1970's disaster (sort of) film. The damaged ozone layer influences animal behavior and that is that.

Our group of characters is out on a hiking trip. In what appears to be the worst timing ever. As soon as they set off, there is increasing news coverage of impending danger in places of high altitude. The hikers are heading - you guessed it - up, up, up.

Soon, the first of the group is attacked and injured. Luckily, she is still fit to walk and is sent back down the hill with one of the hikers going with her. A man. For protection. As weirder and more dangerous things start to happen to the group, not least of all the ravaging of their food supply, the group splits into two teams - one headed by the guide of the expedition and the other by Leslie Nielsen.

This is Leslie Nielsen before he became a total goofball and still pulled off bad guy. He is a loudmouthed, arrogant, racists (someone had to make bad jokes about Native Americans with one of them around - for tracking, no doubt) but still manages to convince a few of the idiot hikers to go with him even further up the hill while all the others decide to go down.

It is then that Leslie Nielsen goes bat shit. And it is glorious.

People continue to die, despite the men trying to keep the womenfolk safe. The job of the female in the film is to stand in corners, shaking from fear and/or point and scream at some dangerous sight. Also, they are given ridiculous lines like, "But they're dogs... Just dogs." And when the few survivors flee from the dogs they head straight for the water, where they believe themselves safe from the dogs. Because, you know, dogs fear the water (in this version of the future). Too bad that the woman in the scene can't swim. Always need someone to save them.

How does it all end, you ask.

Why, all the animals just drop dead, of course.

4/10

The Nut Job

I like animated films. I do. But they still need to try a little harder than this.

The story is nothing new - group of animals have to work together but don't realize that their 'leader' (in this case a raccoon) is a total scumbag. They believe everything is for the good of all and listen to everything raccoon says with wide eyed wonder. Then there is the anti-raccoon, a squirrel, who is a bit of a loner and has previously crossed raccoon.

They have to find provision for the winter and it takes a multitude of shitty moves before the group wises up to raccoon's insincerity and the squirrel's bigheartedness. The story plays out with all the usual puns and nothing overly exciting happening that hasn't happened many, many times in some variation before.

There are some cute moments (mostly involving a dog) and an evil little girl scout (who is pretty awesome, to be honest) and a rat that somehow follows the title character squirrel everywhere despite the squirrel being a total asshole to the rat (which is all a front, really, because he actually likes the rat a lot but doesn't want to show so as to not taint his rough-guy front). The rat, by the way, was played by the same rat that was already in Ratatouille (a little worse for wear nowadays).

Meh.

4/10

Cat People

A classic B horror movie from the studio that gave us Citizen Kane. Yep, they did make horror movies, too. And some pretty good ones, I might add. Like this film. Also, I Walked with a Zombie.

Sure, the gore is practically non-existent, which is a bit unusual for a film that features wild animals attacking humans (in moderation, of course), but the film is very shadow-y and dark and very much of the time it was made in....with the suave gentleman with hat and/or cane, the pretty ladies with the well-kept hair and the friendly and pretty black girl serving lunch.

The story is of a Serbian immigrant, who meets a decent, handsome fellow, who for some reason wants to marry her, despite her vague hints of her being strange and different and possibly a cat woman (with Serbian folk tales and all). He laughs such silly things off and marries her anyway, only to be denied the marital bed because sex will surely turn the girl into a beast. Eventually, the blue balled man will turn to another woman (also all very appropriate and perfectly clinical), which makes the wife jealous and finally really makes her turn into a psychopath/beast.

Alas, the beast only shows up way, way into the movie. It is beautiful, but mostly hidden in the shadows. And it/she only kills once (if you don't count her sort of suicide by zoo animal).

Very pretty and noir.

7/10

Black Mirror: The National Anthem

You gotta love the Brits, for they make awesome TV shows.

Case in point: Black Mirror.

This show is not a continuous tale but rather a number of episodes set in some not-too-distant future, where virtual reality crazes have reached new heights and everyone's life takes place online as much as in the real world (sometimes more).

In the first episode, a princess (who, from what I can tell has some sort of It-Girl status and is beloved by the masses) is kidnapped and a video of her pleading for her life and reading out a message goes viral immediately. What the kidnapper(s) want(s) is for the British Prime Minister to have sex with a pig, an act which is to be broadcast live.

Despite the premise being so out there, the episode is impeccably cast and the act - when finally, inevitably committed - is sad and desperate.

Quite good, this.

8/10

Fantastic Mr. Fox

This is an animated film version of Roald Dahl's book of the same name. Of course, in the capable hands of Wes Anderson, this is clearly not aimed at children, even though the dreaded f-word is replaced by the word cussing.

The Mr. Fox in the title was formerly a thief of birds but promised to retire after his wife became pregnant. Life as a newspaper writer, however, does not a happy fox make. Eventually, with the help of the slightly weird Kylie, he breaks his promise and raids not the farms of Boggis, Bunce & Bean.

When the three disgruntled men come after the thieves (and shoot off Mr. Fox' tail), the entire wildlife of the area is effected by the destruction of the habitat. After everyone is initially upset with Mr. Fox, they soon team up to get the humans back by stealing, well, everything.

This leads to all-out war between the animals and the humans and it ends with the animals on the upside. They even steal back the - now detachable - fox tail. The animals move together into the extensive sewer system, that has an exit directly into the Boggis, Bunce & Bean supermarket.

Joy and happiness all around.

Quite entertaining and very weird.

7/10

Deep Blue Sea

On a remote research facility - actually a former submarine refueling station - a group of scientists works on a cure for Alzheimer's disease. On of them, Dr. Susan McAlester, has not quite conducted herself as the code of ethics require her to. She secretly tampered with their test subjects - a trio of Mako sharks - to increase their brain capacity - because bigger brains = more test material to harvest, right. Well, actually, bigger brains = smarter sharks, also.

The first indication of the troubles to come is an attack on a boat full of teenagers by an escaped shark. After the incident, a representative of the financiers of the project, Russell Franklin, is sent to the research facility to investigate. To impress the man, the team takes brain tissue from the largest of the three sharks (all of them back in captivity now). During the procedure, however, the fish tears off one scientist's arm. Then the helicopter sent to rescue the injured man is downed by sharks, as well, taking with it part of the construction. The body of the poor injured researcher is then used as a ram to smash a window of the lab, flooding it.

At this point, Dr. McAlester confesses to her fellow scientists. After initially being angry at her, Franklin holds a rousing speach about the importance of group unity. Here follows the most ridiculously brilliant scene of the entire film. Franklin, who stands on the edge of a basin opening into the sea, is snatched off and eaten by two sharks. Mid sentence. The group rallying to find a way to get up to surface is ever dwindling in numbers and at the same time, somewhere inside the facility the cook Sherman "Preacher" Dudley (with his pet parrot) is also trying to escape.

The only people to actually make it to the surface are Dr. McAlester, the gung ho Carter Blake and Preacher, who is almost eaten by one of the sharks but manages to get to safety. In an effort to save her fellow survivors (and possibly make amends for what she has done) Dr. McAlester lures the - now also diminished number of - sharks away from the others by offering herself up as bait. Unfortunately for her, this works for the other two but she does not manage to escape. While she is being eaten, the last shark is shot by Preacher.

Has all the makings of a run of the mill don't-mess-with-genetics thriller, with just enough humor to make it worthwhile.

6/10

Burning Bright

Things I learned from watching Burning Bright.

(1) Buying a tiger as a private citizen in the US is a piece of cake. It requires barely any paper work.

(2) If you tell you college aged stepdaughter that her mother did not leave a will and conveniently forget to mention the life insurance policy that leaves money to the stepdaughter and stepson, she will take that at face value and never suspect you to do something so ridiculous as lie to her. Never mind that you just cleared out her bank account.

(3) A boy that yells out things like "No red!" and "Eat! Now!"at random makes for a realistic portrait of a child with autism. Holding your flat hand in front of his face will always calm him down.

(4) A young woman with a crowbar will tear a hole into a wall quicker than a tiger can tear down a flimsy cupboard door.

(5) If you plan on killing you stepchildren by setting a tiger free inside your boarded up house, maybe you should think about taking the gun with you when you go to hang out in the local bar.

(6) Making someone have to look for their cell will add additional excitement to any film.

(7) Hiding in a big freezer is a great idea.

(8) When you return home from your night at the bar to hopefully find your would be victims dead, don't just walk inside without first checking where the tiger is.

(9) The fact that you use a reference to a William Blake poem as a title will probably be lost on your target audience.

2/10

50 Scariest Movie Animals

Total film has an article about the animals in horror films that scare the hell out of us. Read it here.

Ha! Forgot about Night of the Lepus. Awesomely trashy, that.

Life of Pi

If any of the films recently released (and recently nominated for a heap of Academy Awards) deserves the description beautiful, this is the one.

Life of Pi tells the story of young Pi Patel, who leaves Pondicherry, India, together with his family and an entire zoo for Vancouver, Canada. When the freighter sinks in the vastness of the Pacific, Pi finds himself on a lifeboat with an injured zebra, a hyena, an orang utan and Richard Parker, a Bengal tiger.

The situation is as bad as it sounds and the boy immediately has to start his fight for survival - not only surviving the sea, but also the two carnivorous animals on board. The zebra is the first to go. Easy target that it is, the hyena sets upon it almost immediately. Next is the orang utan. The most furious kill, however, is of the hyena itself. Richard Parker finally makes an appearance jumping out from below the tarp cover to end the hyena's reign of terror - and making everyone in the cinema jump out of their seats. The rest of the story is of Pi and Richard Parker having to find some sort of arrangement in order for both of them to survive - the tiger needing the boys help to get food and water, the boy kept alert at all times by the tiger's presence.

The ocean setting is a feast for the eyes, thanks to the magic of the cinematography department and the technicians bringing the tiger to life. I wasn't that taken with the visuals of a film since Hero.

I read a few reviews that complained about the ending (the tiger's departure, the second - less adventurous but more credible - story version) but having read the book, I didn't really have to bother with that. If anyone wants to take issue, they have to take it with the book and/or its writer, Yann Martel. It has been too long since I read it for me to say that this or that detail was different. Overall the story was as I remember from the original text.

I recommend both, book and film.

9/10

Seven Psychopaths

This is possibly the most ridiculous film I have seen this year.

It is the story of screen writer Marty (Colin Farrell), who is stuck in writing his latest screen play and also has a serious alcohol problem. His best friend is Billy (Sam Rockwell), an all-out weirdo who makes a living kidnapping dogs and having the more trustworthy looking Hans (Christopher Walken) return them for "lost dog" rewards.

One day they acquire little Shih Tzu Bunny. Bunny turns out to be owned by gangster Charlie, who loves and misses his little doggy so vewy, vewy much.

And then...all hell breaks loose.

Scenes from a screen play in progress, gun violence, incompetent criminals, weird rabbit stroking psychopaths (Tom! Waits!), former Viet Cong posing as murderous priests, imaginary shoot-outs, actual shoot-outs and - most hilariously - a man refusing to put up his hands when faced with a machine gun wielding henchman.

6/10

Tabu

Tabu is a feature film by Miguel Gomes, whom we saw speaking together with Manuel Mozos at the Viennale, right after we watched a sad documentary about Portuguese film. Gomes is one of the very few 'younger' Portuguese directors that are able to actually make films.

In the media, this film has been described as 'magical' and/or 'breathtaking'. It mostly is.

Shot in (cheaper?) black and white and rather heavy on voice overs, which I am usually not a fan of, it is split into two main parts. Actually, the beginning is about a man, who - heartbroken after his wife's death - goes into the African wild and throws himself into a crocodile-infested pond. The connection to the actual film is not quite clear. Who is the man? Details that come up again later are Africa and - more specifically - the crocodile.

The first part takes part in present day Portugal. It centers around three women. Pilar, who lives alone and cares for other people more than herself or her lovelife. An elderly painter makes quiet advances, but to no avail. One of the people she is most worried about is her elderly next door neighbor, Aurora, who lives with her cook/cleaning woman/nurse Santa. Aurora's health and mind deteriorates until she starts talking about one Mr. Ventura. Pilar tries to find this man and bring him to the now hospitalized Aurora. They do not make it in time. After Aurora's burial, Venture starts telling his and Aurora's story.

This leads into the second part of the film, set in Africa a few decades before, where young Aurora is married to a wealthy man when she meets and falls in love with Ventura. They fall in love and have a very passionate affair, that could only end sadly, of course. The crocodile in the story is a pet Aurora received from her husband. The animals frequently escapes and wanders over to Ventura's house, which frequently puts him in Aurora's company. Sort of a match maker.

I absolutely loved the first part and the relationship of the three women. The second part seemed to drag on a bit. Overall the film actually has its magical moments and is well worth watching. I fear, however, that it will remain obscure and widely ignored, a destiny shared by many a small gem.

8/10