Mission: Impossible III

Okay, I admit, I totally lost the plot. Again.

Who double crosses who? Is everyone involved in shady activities? How do all these characters climb so high within the agency? What the fuck is even going on? And where is the rabbit foot? Or what, even? Wait, are they actually all just wearing one of those nifty masks?

So the nemesis this time around is played by the late, great Philip Seymour Hoffman (reminding us again, that he was one of the greatest actors ever and is still sorely missed). Here he is not only just a bad guy, he is a sadistic, vengeful bad guy that swears to not only hurt Ethan, but also his fiance (later wife) for kidnapping him and stealing from him.

The team surrounding Ethan appears to be going rogue now and again. Or maybe it is their boss(es) who are the rogue ones (see above). Anyway, after kicking it of with yet another failed mission, here trying to rescue a fellow agent from somewhere in Berlin, the group's target is Owen Davian (the Hoffman character). By use of their fantastic gadgets, general geniality and one of those nifty masks, they pull off their mission in the Vatican (?), only to be attacked while transporting their prisoner (possibly by their own boss(es), again see above).

Then the wife (formerly fiance) is kidnapped and Ethan is told he has 48 hrs to retrieve and provide Davian with the rabbit foot (whatever that may be). For this, they need to go to Shanghai (because, of course). Again, gadgetry and stuff.

Then we come to the point where I totally lost the plot. Ethan awakes, chained to a chair, sitting opposite his wife (also chained/bound/duct taped to a chair) who has a gun to her head. Davian asks about the rabbit foot (specifically where it is) while counting to ten. Then he shoots her in the head, because Ethan did not speak. But where is the fucking rabbit foot? Did he not just get it in Shanghai? He had something in his hand after some adventurous dangling from buildings. I was sure that was it. What happened to it?

But then Davian didn't shoot the wife at all. Or it was not really the wife. Or Davian wasn't even there to begin with, but one of the bosses was. And then Ethan does find his wife, bound and stuff and in the presence of Davian. Then fighting, shootout, and she has to kill Ethan (to later revive him again because of the implant). Where did she learn to shoot like that? Look, here is boss man again and she shoots him and the rabbit foot falls out of the case he carried. Resuscitation of Ethan only for him to find that she already saved the day without him.

Color me confused, but nonetheless entertained.

5/10

(Fake) Grindhouse Trailers

Here are some hilarious fake trailers made for the Tarantino/Rodriguez Grindhouse double feature.

Werewolf Women of the SS
Directed by Rob Zombie. the trailer stars Udo Kier and Nicolas Cage making fun of himself as Fu Manchu.

Don't
This sports quite the impressive cast, including Jason Isaacs, Rafe Spall, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Peter Serafinowicz, and....Katie Melua? Also, the most hilarious of the trailers in my opinion.

Thanksgiving
Eli Roth made this trailer while filming the first of the Hostel films. It features some of the cast and crew, including one of Hostel's lead actors, Jay Hernandez.

Which brings us to the two fake trailers that were made into real films.

Hobo with a Shotgun
Fake trailer with mostly unknown actors (unknown to me, anyway).

Real trailer with Rutger Hauer as the gun toting hobo.

Machete
Fake trailer with Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin. This one was made not only into a film but into a franchise....with Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin playing the actual roles from the fake trailer.

Star Trek Into Darkness

We start off with Captain Kirk getting in trouble (yet again) for ignoring protocol by risking his ship and crew to save one crew member. Spock, that is, who finds all this highly illogical, of course.

The threat this time around comes from one super human (?) that goes by the name Harrison but turns out to be Star Trek nemesis of old lore Khan. Khan and his people have been asleep for centuries but he alone has been woken by Star Fleet, to use him in any way they can (him being stronger, faster...generally better than everyone else). What they didn't foresee apparently was that he did not comply with their plans and hits them hard, right there in their own HQ.

What follows is a intergalactic man hunt that leads the crew of the Enterprise to Kronos, where they inevitably have a clash with the local Klingons before Khan saves (!) them and gives himself up after learning that 72 torpedoes are aboard the Enterprise. What Kirk and his crew do not know (yet) is that inside every torpedo is a creature just like Khan, so his first order of business is to save his kin.

The Enterprise gets an unexpected visit from a ship headed by star fleet commander Marcus, who wanted Khan dead rather than captured so as to cover up his misjudgment in waking him up in the first place. He is certainly right in warning Kirk about trusting Khan but has no qualms about blowing up the Enterprise with everyone on it. So Kirk, with help from Khan and Scotty, take matters into their hands and take over the now enemy ship.

Of course, Khan turns out to be a very bad guy, indeed. He takes the ship and forces the torpedoes to be transferred over from the Enterprise. As soon as the beaming is concluded he starts shooting the Enterprise. This leads to, first, a battle of the two ships in space and, second, an epic fist fight of Khan vs Spock back on earth, where in the end both ship make it, Khan's not quite in one piece.

Other than action and fists flying, there is also a lot of crying going on, as you can see in the representative photos. Even Spock cries. And he yells. And he gets very, very angry. What gets to Spock is Kirk dying. But, thanks to Khan's superior blood, Bones is able to save him. All is well.

8/10