Interstellar

This is all kinds of awesome. It looks great and it is engrossing. Everything that a sci-fi film should be. And I have absolutely no idea what was actually going on. Also a standard in a sci-fi film.

Lemme see if I can convey what happened - as I understand it.

Cooper used to be an astronaut and is now a corn farmer. The year is sometime in the future. Not sure when. The bookcase corresponds with his daughter Murph, or so she thinks. What or who truly communicates could be anything from a poltergeist (Murph's initial idea), 'them' or maybe Cooper himself from the future. Anyway, the message is either coordinates or the word 'stay' or both. The coordinates lead to NASA, where Cooper runs into his old pal Dr. Brand. He is recruited to go on a mission to find an alternative planet for the people of earth, because the one currently occupied is dying and/or killing them all.

Plan A is to find a planet and take earthlings to that planet. This turns out to have never actually been a viable option. Dr. Brand simply made up this story for people working on the project to keep working on it. Because (presumably) you will work harder to save yourself and your families than all mankind.

Plan B (and this is the one that was always going to be put in action) is to send frozen embryos to whatever livable planet is discovered on the mission and sort of reinvent mankind.

Cooper goes on the mission under false assumptions. So, apparently, does everyone else on the spaceship with him, including Dr. Brand's daughter. Of course, time passes with different speeds depending on where you are in the universe and whether or not you go through a wormhole/black hole. The difference on the other end of the hole relative to time on earth is 1 month = 7 years. This sucks for someone who left behind his two young children, as Cooper has. When he realizes what this could mean, the mission becomes more desperate for him. He needs to complete the task as quickly as possible. But then he learns of Dr. Brand's rouse and several complications along the way make the mission even harder.

While Cooper and his fellow astronauts are off in space, back home on earth life moves on for his children, as well. The son, Tom, takes over the family farm and the daughter, Murph, was always a potential scientist. After she learns of Dr. Brand's story and plans, she tries saving mankind from her end, as well.

And yes, I know how all of this sounds.

I maintain that I barely understand whatever was going on onscreen. But it sure is pretty to look at.

8/10

Europa Report

One of the better sci-fi films I have seen in recent years.

Never mind that this is a 'found footage' film, which are usually pretty blah (no explanation needed, because the footage is so sketchy. Well, *shrug*, we tried.). Here, the images are clear most of the time because they are supposedly transmitted with high tech equipment and filmed with steady cams from within a spaceship.

An international group of astronauts if on a mission to collect probes from the fourth largest moon orbiting Jupiter, Europa. There is supposedly water under the icy surface and in space travel terminology water = life.

After having gone the furthest for any human ever, the crew eventually loses contact with mission control. While the head of the mission is shown in an interview detailing when they lost contact and what the findings and failings of the mission were, one crew member (Rosa) also talks straight to the camera in an interview setup, This initially made me think that maybe the crew - at least in part - survived. It is only later that it becomes clear that is is part of the footage that was sent back home after communication had been re-established. But it was already too late for them at that point.

The deaths of the crew members are rarely extremely violent, and if they are, there are no clear images of it. Some deaths are heartbreaking - in particular the first one, when James cannot return to the ship because he got hazardous matter onto his space suit and even as it dawns on him what this will mean, he still pushes Andrei, whose glove has ripped and who is losing oxygen quickly. back into the safety of the inside of the ship.

Also, and thankfully, there are no big arguments as so often appear in films involving a group of people in a dangerous situation and confined space.

Some of the cast I don't know and some are rather well-known - Embeth Davidtz is the head of the mission, Michael Nyqvist (of the Swedish Millennium Trilogy) is Andrei, Sharlto Copley is in this as the unfortunate James and Daniel is portrayed by Christian Camargo (the ice truck killer from the first season of Dexter).

Not sure why this film stayed well under the radar last year. It deserved a wider audience.

8/10

Barbarella

Barbarella is called upon by the President of the Republic of Earth to find the runaway mad scientist Duran-Duran and bring him back to earth before he destroys, well, everything with his newly created weapon (a ray of some sort, I forget).

But first, she must undress in zero gravity, very slowly, to music.

Throughout the remainder of the film, she will change from one skimpy outfit to the next and sleep with every man that helps her in any way (more or less). Also, she is the ditziest of blondes.

Then the peace-loving earthling is given weapons for her mission. This does not make her particularly happy, but she takes off in her spaceship anyway. The inside of the spaceship appears to be covered in muppet skin (Fozzy Bear) or deep shag carpeting.

Barbarella crash lands on her target planet, where she is taken by a group of children, tied up in a cave and attacked by creepy dolls. She is, however, saved in the nick of time by a catcher who - you guessed it - catches children. As a thanks he suggests sex, but not the new, clean earth kind, but the savage old-fashioned way. This is so old, it is new to Barbarella, but she concedes. She loves it.

Next she crashes into the labyrinth, the exile in which all the good creatures live. One of them is a blind angel. With her spaceship all trashed, she looks to him for help. Alas, he has lost the desire to fly. The solution for this particular problem is sex, of course. ('An angel doesn't make love. An angel is love.')

Revived by this encounter he flies Barbarella to her final destination. Basically a creepy, bad town, run by the great tyrant, who turns out to be a woman. Among the things that happen next are: the angel gets crucified, which elicits the wonderful line, "De-crucify him or I will melt your face!", Barbarella joins the revolution (led by a rather hapless idiot), she gets 'tortured' by the concierge by a sort of organ that will kill her with physical pleasure. Also, the concierge is Duran-Duran and he wants to get rid of the great tyrant to take over this planet and then maybe the earth and then, who knows?, the entire universe.

Big shoot-out.

Barbarella and the great tyrant are flown to safety by the blind angel, who has been previously tortured by the tyrant, but 'An angel has no memory'.

The End

No, seriously.

2/10

After Earth

Will Smith is not afraid of anything.

Jaden Smith is afraid of everything. And he is very, very worried.

They are Cypher (the elder Smith) and Kitai (the younger Smith) Raige and their home has been Nova Prime since mankind was forced to flee what used to be their home planet because they finally killed of the environment. Or something.

There are many evil forces to fight off, apparently. The most vicious come in the form of a space monster (a poor man's H.R. Giger thing), the Ursa. To re-connect with his son, who blames himself for the death of his sister, who was herself killed by an Ursa a few years earlier. Why then there is an Ursa as cargo on the ship that takes Cypher and his offspring on the father's last mission, I do not know. If they explained it, I don't remember.

Another thing I don't know is how Diego Klattenhoff ended up in this for one (and only one) scene. The scene, of course, is very significant and depicts a show of level of respect for Cypher that he does not yet have himself for his son. As the scene happens you just know that this will be repeated with Cypher showing little Kitai the respect he will have earned by the end of all this. You just know. Also in this, in the background but with lines (!) is David Denman (Pam's original fiance on The Office).

Through a number of misguided decisions by Cypher (not as big a honcho as he is supposed to be, huh?), the ship crash lands on earth (*gasp*) and breaks into. Survivors: two (guess who!). Father is injured and sends son on a mission to find the other half of a ship and retrieve the beacon to contact the home planet that will come to collect them.

The son flips out at the drop of a hat and is either scared shit less or angrily crying and whining like a 4-year-old. Also, his liquid oxygen (or whatever) is running lower than should be and when daddy tells him to abort mission because he would, you know, suffocate under normal circumstances, he defies him and jumps off a cliff (literally). Of course, he is always going to make it, despite many an angry animal out to get him. He is a Smith after all and saving the world, the father, everything and you-name-it is in his film DNA.

The last great obstacle is the Ursa. This is why it was brought along on the ship! To make the final act of the film more exciting! Kitai prevails, leans to control (or possibly eliminate altogether) his fear and saves himself and daddy. Now repeat Klattenhoff scene.

All is well.

3/10

Pandorum

I'm not sure what happened but it was awesome!

Corporal Bower (Ben Foster, looking raggedly handsome) wakes up in one of those hyper-sleep pods that we have seen in many science fiction films. Initially he can't remember anything (a side effect of very long hibernation). An hour later his lieutenant Peyton (Dennis Quaid, looking as raggedly handsome as always) is also awake and together they are trying to figure out what their mission could be.

The space ship they are on appears to be running on limited power and the door to the bridge is therefore impregnable. While Peyton stays behind to try and open the door, Bower sets out to find the reactor and reboot it.

For dramatic purposes the reactor is situated as far away from where they started as possible. While stumbling through the half lit ship, Bower encounters long dead bodies, some hanging from the ceiling. He also encounters monstrosities. They may or may not be mutant travelers and they look like zombies with thorns. Also they are very, very tenacious. You can chop of bits and they will still come at you.

One of the bodies hanging from the ceiling is called Shepard (Norman Reedus, you guessed it, looking raggedly handsome) and is still alive. But not for long. Bower cuts him down but he is quickly re-hung by the monsters, killed and gutted. And then they feed on him. Shepard, we hardly knew thee.

Bower encounters a few more people on his way to the reactor. All of them appear to be from different missions and have woken up at different times. Since then they have been merely surviving the steady raids for food of the monsters.

Peyton, meanwhile, is going insane. Or maybe everyone is. I dunno.

In the end, the reactor is restarted, Bower and Peyton are reunited and then there is a big twist.

Very exciting, this.

8/10

Serenity

I have been slacking with my film reviews a little. This happened simply because I did not see that many actual films. Don't take me wrong, I have been watching plenty. But I have simply nursed my newly found addiction with Alan Tudyk by binge watching Suburgatory and then Firefly. Obviously, the next step would be Serenity.

Here we get the answers to all the open questions left over by the untimely demise of the Firefly. There is a new super villain, played by the wonderful Chiwetel Ejiofor. He is ruthless and refers to himself as a monster. But - most rewarding - we get the back story on River and how she got to be this deadly weapon.

It is a rousing finale to a nice little sci-fi show that makes it very clear that this is the end of the line. Not all of the beloved crew survive the big adventure. True, most only take one hell of a beating but the casualties are Shepard, who has left the ship some time earlier and is at a settlement where he offered the Serenity crew a save haven whenever needed. This is what finally causes his demise.

And we lose - after putting in one final grand performance at the helm of the spaceship - Wash, who gets impaled onto the seat he was mostly confined to while others were off having adventures.

Of course, none of this will mean anything to you if you have not watched Firefly.

What a fitting farewell to Serenity and all the people it harbored.

8/10

The X Files: Space

Mulder meets one of his childhood heroes, Lt. Col. Marcus Aurelius Belt (what an awesome name...Marcus Aurelius). However, first he is being contacted by one Michelle Generoo, who works at the space center, where two weeks ago the start of a new shuttle had to be scrapped mere seconds before lift off. The woman presents Mulder and Scully with an X ray that shows hints of sabotage.

They go to investigate and are allowed to stick around for the second attempt of the start, this time it is successful. Mulder's hero is the one that makes all the crucial decisions on the ground. But he hasn't been the same since his own outer space travels. Apparently, he was attacked by a ghost/shadow with a weird face, also apparent on a photo transmission from Mars. The image hunts him to this day, mostly at night in bed.

The current shuttle flights experiences trouble soon enough, cut communication, falling oxygen levels and all. The ghost face appears repeatedly, but not only to Lt. Col. Belt. Michelle sees the face before running her car off the road and the crew from the shuttle calls in 'somethings outside the shuttle', bumping against the outside wall.

While Mulder and Scully find more conclusive evidence pointing to a sabotage, the drama for the astronauts heats up and they need to be brought back to an emergency landing. The one person that can keep them save with all the troubles they are experiences is Lt. Col. Belt, whose own troubles are accelerating, as well. The agents find him one the floor, seizing, but get the necessary information out of him in the nick of time. The shuttle lands safely. In the press conference following the landing it is announced that the shuttle performed their mission 'without incident'.

Lt. Col. Belt, once again haunted by the ghost face gives up and kills himself.

Hey, isn't that...?
Ed Lauter, who was one of those character actors that we all have probably seen in something a few times before but don't know the name of, portrays Lt. Col. Marcus Aurelius Belt. Mr. Lauter passed away earlier this year.

6/10

Capricorn One

In the 1970's everything was a conspiracy.

One of the classic conspiracy theories and one of the more persistent ones is that the moon landing was a hoax, a film directed by Stanley Kubrick. French director William Karel took this story and made the mockumentary Opération Lune (Dark Side of the Moon) in 2002. Of course, as many people do not understand satire, many a conspiracy theorist thought this only proved them right.

Capricorn One was inspired by all of the moon landing hoax stories. The destination this time is planet Mars. Mere seconds before a crew of three astronauts it to take off, they are led from their aircraft Capricorn One and brought before Dr. Kelloway, who explains to them that the life support system installed in Capricorn One is faulty and the flight would be too big a risk for them. However, blowing off the mission is not an option, as the funding for the space program is in jeopardy and the general interest in space travel has been waning for some time now. So, everyone is led to believe that the mission went ahead as planned.

Even ground control is unaware of what is happening. One technician reports wrong readings with his terminal. He became suspicious when the TV feed reached his station before the feed from the aircraft, which is of course impossible. He discusses this with his reporter friend Caulfield (Elliot Gould, appearing to replay his role of Philip Marlowe) and when Caulfield tries to follow up with him, the technician has simply disappeared.

The astronauts are kept in hiding for months until the originally scheduled landing of Capricorn One. The plan is to have the capsule land off course to give the people in the know an excuse for not having a live feed and time enough to retrieve the trio. Unfortunately, the aircraft loses its heat protecting shield on re-entry and burns up. This means that officially the astronauts must have died during the incident. When the three realize what has happened and consequently fear for their lives during the extended cover up scheme, they hi-jack a plane and take off, due to lack of fuel in the middle of the desert. To increase their chances of making it back to civilization before being found by the puppet masters of the operation, they take off into different directions, while unmarked helicopters comb the desert in search of them.

Meanwhile, their families mourn their losses and attend memorial services. And Caulfield is the only one, who believes that something is not quite right and goes off into the desert to search for the astronauts himself. He hires a small airplane with pilot and actually finds one of them, Chales Brubaker, the only one who managed to avoid being captured.

Their only chance of survival at this point is to make a very public appearance. They do so by showing up at a very public memorial service, skipping in slo-mo.

7/10

Star Trek Into Darkness

We start off with Captain Kirk getting in trouble (yet again) for ignoring protocol by risking his ship and crew to save one crew member. Spock, that is, who finds all this highly illogical, of course.

The threat this time around comes from one super human (?) that goes by the name Harrison but turns out to be Star Trek nemesis of old lore Khan. Khan and his people have been asleep for centuries but he alone has been woken by Star Fleet, to use him in any way they can (him being stronger, faster...generally better than everyone else). What they didn't foresee apparently was that he did not comply with their plans and hits them hard, right there in their own HQ.

What follows is a intergalactic man hunt that leads the crew of the Enterprise to Kronos, where they inevitably have a clash with the local Klingons before Khan saves (!) them and gives himself up after learning that 72 torpedoes are aboard the Enterprise. What Kirk and his crew do not know (yet) is that inside every torpedo is a creature just like Khan, so his first order of business is to save his kin.

The Enterprise gets an unexpected visit from a ship headed by star fleet commander Marcus, who wanted Khan dead rather than captured so as to cover up his misjudgment in waking him up in the first place. He is certainly right in warning Kirk about trusting Khan but has no qualms about blowing up the Enterprise with everyone on it. So Kirk, with help from Khan and Scotty, take matters into their hands and take over the now enemy ship.

Of course, Khan turns out to be a very bad guy, indeed. He takes the ship and forces the torpedoes to be transferred over from the Enterprise. As soon as the beaming is concluded he starts shooting the Enterprise. This leads to, first, a battle of the two ships in space and, second, an epic fist fight of Khan vs Spock back on earth, where in the end both ship make it, Khan's not quite in one piece.

Other than action and fists flying, there is also a lot of crying going on, as you can see in the representative photos. Even Spock cries. And he yells. And he gets very, very angry. What gets to Spock is Kirk dying. But, thanks to Khan's superior blood, Bones is able to save him. All is well.

8/10

Gravity

By now you probably have had a few people telling you to watch this. And you should...it really it that good.

It all starts off merrily enough, with astronaut Matt chatting away with Mission Control and floating laps around the aircraft his fellow astronaut Ryan (a woman, don't be fooled by the name) is trying to fix something on. There is also a third person with them, one Shariff, but let's not get too attached to him.

But everything goes south when they get an 'Abort Mission!' command and are warned of debris from satellites heading their way. The shuttle gets hit and consequently destroyed and Shariff does not survive the first wave, either.

In the aftermath, Ryan gets thrown off into space, turning and turning and turning. Partially, we see this from Ryan's viewpoint (which is to say that my stomach started turning and my head started spinning...and never stopped for the rest of the film. Luckily, Matt catches up with her and together they start their near impossible mission to make it to the ISS space station in hopes of using an shuttle there to get back to earth safely.

What follows, however, is a string of incidences that make their mission harder and harder until - when they do reach their target - the tether linking them rips and only Ryan can hold on the the ISS, barely staying conscious because of her low oxygen level. Matt spins off into space.

Ryan now has to fend for herself....and it is quite the ride, including a fire that destroys the ISS, lack of fuel in the capsule and Chinese signs on the controls of the next stop to possible safety.

Had me on the edge of my seat.

And can we please give Sandra Bullock an Oscar for this?

9/10

Le Voyage dans la Lune (A Trip to the Moon)

One of the earliest films in the classical sense and it is...science fiction. How about that?

It runs for only 14 minutes and it took people to the moon long before we were even close to considering space travel.

It is humorous, introduces us to weird characters and gave the world the often used, iconic image of the (man in the) moon with a looking glass, checking out what those weird little people on earth are up to.

An absolute must-see.

10/10

Moonraker

Hugo Drax, an eccentric billionaire (and aren't they all eccentric?) steals a Moonraker space shuttle, that his own company built and that was on loan to the UK. Yes, yes, it is hijacked in mid-air! Why would he steal his own shuttle, you ask? Because he 'needed it', due to some malfunction in one of his own shuttles, he builds for his personal use (one assumes). He needs it to shoot a nerve gas - deadly to humans, harmless to animals - into the earth's atmosphere to get rid of all humanity.

The idea is to spend some time in a space station together with a number of genetically perfect young men and women. Then, after life on earth is deemed safe again (probably Wall-E will report on that) they shall return and repopulate the planet.

The henchmen sent after the inquiring James Bond are one Chang, Asian and therefore expert in martial arts, and the indestructible Jaws, who in pursuit of Bond and one Dr. Holly Goodhead (an astronaut) bites through a cable holding a cable car, among other unpleasantries he showers on the good guys. However, he will take 007's side eventually, because he realizes he is not a member of the master race.

Bond has at this point also survived an attempt on his life by centrifugal force and a rather mundane sniper, he takes out with a hunting riffle. Also, he has jumped out of airplane without a parachute before we even got to the beginning credits (the title theme the third and weakest by Shirley Bassey). Also we have witnessed the demise of one of Drax's unwitting minions who gets chased down and killed by two dogs.

Anyway, the final showdown this time takes place in - drumroll! - in outerspace! With lasers! And villain ejected into the universe!

What nonsense!

3/10

The War of the Worlds

Ah, 1950s science fiction films! How I love them! The (retrospectively) cheap-looking special effects, the dashing hero - so often a non-dorky scientist, the bad ass military, the girl that needs saving, the psychedelic 'alien' noises.

In the 1953 film adaption of the H. G. Wells classic you get all of the above.

First, however, a spoken intro set to paintings of planets and stars before the real action starts. About 50 minutes into the film, as we make a jump from the early days of the war to vast devastation, this voice of authority will give as the gist of what happened.

What is thought to be a meteor lands near a small California town, witnessed by many town folks and a group of scientists fishing in the area. Everyone and their grandmother comes out to have a look and they are nearly celebrating, already counting money that can be made out of the event. In sweeps the dashing hero, a handsome, if bespectacled, scientist by the name of Dr. Clayton Forrester. The first person he encounters at the scene is the girl that will soon need saving. She is scientifically interested and well aware who he is. Her bravery in the face of the mounting danger diminishes over the course of the film and she turns into a hysterically shrieking little girl frequently.

Anyway, the meteor is not a meteor but a spaceship that brought enemy forces with it - weird looking machinery and three-eyed aliens that have a mind to kill everything and everyone that stands in their way. This first spaceship is followed by many others across the globe and the title-giving war of the worlds begins.

No bombs, no tanks, not even the A-bomb have any effect on the invaders.There is no chance but to evacuate the destroyed cities as all hope dwindles. In the end, it is not humans that defeat the enemy, but rather the enemy falls out of the sky (literally) and dies because it cannot handle the earthly microorganisms.

Whereas the outline of the film is very close to the original text, it adds in some religious pathos, with a heroic priest and a church as shelter, which do not appear in the book.

5/10

You Only Live Twice

Outerspace kidnapping! Piranhas! Ninjas! Blofeld!

Forget what I said about Thunderball having the most ridiculous opening of any James Bond film. This beats it. An American spacecraft gets kidnapped - in outerspace! SPECTRE honcho Ernst Stavros Blofeld wants to ignite a war between the US and the USSR. This in the midst of not only the Cold War but also the race to space between the two superpowers.

James Bond, meanwhile, dies.

Of course he doesn't. This is only to shake some of his enemies off his back. This works on a couple of Blofeld's associates, but the big cheese knows Bond is alive. His no. 11 gets fed to the piranhas for failing to kill Bond.

For some really, really covert business, Bond has to turn into a married Japanese ninja. Obviously. His disguise sports the following reaction: What? That's Sean Connery? Well, I never. This disguise is.....crap.

Bond and his fake wife Kissy Suzuki discover a secret rocket base that Bond enters. He gets discovered (so much for the fancy dress-up), but manages to escape and let in his fellow ninjas and together they save the world from a US/USSR war. In the midst of all this we see Blofeld himself for the very first time, here played by Donald Pleasence

The script for this film was written by Roald Dahl. I declare this the most ridiculous of Bond films (up to this point).

3/10

Prometheus

My first post on a film-of-the-moment! One that is actually in theaters right now. I give you....Prometheus, the film that has been hyped and hyped and hyped some more over the last year or so (felt that long, didn't it). So, does it live up to the buzz?

Yes, it does. It has its flaws, no doubt, and quite a few of them. But it is what it is supposed to be - a sci-fi summer blockbuster that alternately awes you and freaks you out.

It starts with this guy killing himself. Or something.We do not know where he is (is it a he even?) and we do not know why he drinks that funny stuff he (she?) is drinking. But he (she?) is our ancestor. That much is clear.

So this team of scientists sets out to find a star constellation that has been discovered in many cave drawings by all kinds of different ancient civilizations. They take about 2 years to get there. While they sleep in their fancy futuristic beds, David is manning the ship by himself. David is an adroid without any emotions, that somehow still manages to be quite the douchebag (with an agenda, apparently). He spends his days watching old films (Lawrence of Arabia) and dyeing his roots.

As soon as all the scientist are woken, there follows a lot of exploring dark caves. Ominous lighting FTW!After some exciting discoveries that may or may not prove the initial theory of where all life comes from, the horror kicks in. Black liquids oozing out of vessels (vases), people disintegrating, quite the gross abortion (the horrific highlight in my book!), one big-ass face-hugger...well, more of a full-body-hugger, really.

Thankfully, the film has eye candy galore. There is David (the actual reason girls will watch this):

Despite the bad hair, Michael Fassbender is a welcome sight. There is the badass captain:

Even a character as unemotional and slick as Charlize Theron's succumbs to his rough charms. Sort of. And then there is the guy who looks like the cute brother of Tom Hardy:

Wait. Did she just sort of diss Tom Hardy? Yes, I believe she did. *gasp*

And all that in 3D! Which is totally wasted on this film. There is next to nothing that warrants the use of 3D, other than it looks pretty and sharp. Can we be done with 3D, please?

What was slightly annoying was the ending. We get no answers whatsoever. Because Elizabeth Shaw is "still searching". Uhm, ok. So, there's going to be a sequel, right?

5/10