Baby Blues

Postpartum depression is a bitch. Here, a mother suffering from it while alone with her four children on a secluded farm, takes it out on her young ones. Her truck driver husband is on the road and the oldest son is left to fend for himself and his younger siblings. Sadly, this proves to be too big a task for young Jimmy.

He watches in horror as mom kills them off one by one, starting with baby Nathan. He ends up injured himself before stumbling away, hiding under hay, in the chicken coop, in the house, while desperately trying to raise alarm.

Eventually, he manages to lock her into a room...with a hatchet. Not the luckiest break. After he survives the hatched and a tumble down the stairs, mom comes after him with a shotgun. He eventually saves himself with help of an old gas oven and a book of matches.

Children die. Stay away if you cannot take that.

6/10

From Russia with Love

The second James Bond film revolves around a cryptograph, quite a handy device with the cold war going on and such. The evil SPECTRE empire devises a plan to steal on such thing from the Soviets and then sell it back to them. In a film full of agent and double agents the big, bad, mysterious mastermind is only referred to as "Number 1". Yet we are treated to a shot of the (iconic!) white cat!

The bond girl, Tatiana Romanova, is recruited by SPECTRE's number 3 Rosa Klebb as a means to fool the Brits. Poor Tatiana (Tania to her friends) is led to believe she is doing it for Mother Russia, thinking Klebb to be working for SMERSH (whaterever that may be). Incidentally, Klebb is played by one Lotte Lenya, who was born in my hometown of Vienna.

The adventure begins in Istanbul and takes Bond and Tania (with an unfortunate contact from Turkey) via train, truck (already without their Turkish friend) and powerboat all the way to Venice. Hot on their heels is one SPECTRE minion, a well built blond agent.

Now, what is it with people laying out the entirety of their plans to someone they intend to kill? It is one of those story devises I always found rather puzzling and, ultimately, annoying. Here it is used through the blond guy, who thinks himself about to do away with 007. Oh, well.

In the end, British coolness prevails - girl, cryptograph and all.

6/10

Coraline

Coraline Jones is annoyed with her parents and their lack of attention. The both just hover over their computers writing about gardening rather than do some. So when one night she discovers a door into another world where her parents appear to be just what one would wish for, she has no quarrels about going back the next night.

Everything is different there - her mother cooks (imagine!), her father plays the piano and tends to a wonderous garden and her annoying neighbor boy can't talk. Fun!

Of course, something about all this is not right. For starters, everyone has buttons instead of eyes. Soon enough. Caroline realizes that they want her eyes as well and replace them with buttons.

Eventually, Caroline gets lost between her two worlds and must find her real parents again and escape. Interestingly weird.

Fun fact: when the false mother turns into her real self she looks just like Terri Hatcher, who voices the mothers.

4/10

À L'Intérieur (Inside)

This is among the most out-of-proportion bloodbaths I have ever seen on film.

A very pregnant Sarah loses her husband in a head-on collission. The day before she is to deliver her baby, a strange woman (Béatrice Dalle playing a totally insane bitch) attacks her because she wants the baby.

What follows is an orgasmic outburst of violence and gallons of blood.

It's not like it is just Sarah vs. the crazy bitch. No, Sarah has alerted the cops of an intruder and they make sure "she is gone" before driving off and promising to have a patrol swing by later to check on things.

Jean-Pierre, who is scheduled to drive Sarah to the hospital next morning, comes by to check on her - he gets stabbed, chocked with a pillow and stabbed some more.

Sarah's mother comes by and gets killed by her own daughter, who simply hacks away at the first moving thing outside the bathroom she is hiding in. By this time her water has broken, but she stays rather active for some time after.

The night patrol comes by - two of the cops get suspicious and investigate further. One gets stabbed in the neck, the other has his face shot off. Cop no. 3 hears the shots, chains the prisoner in the backseat to himself, takes him with him into the house and does. Not. Call. For. Backup. Cop gets shot, prisoner takes a pair of scissors in the skull.

By this time, Sarah has a gun lying beside her on the bed and when crazy bitch comes to make out with her (just because) she does. Not. Shoot. Her. Also, she choses not to leave the house when she has the chance.

Crazy bitch gets her face burned badly thanks to the ever-helpful can of some cleaner or other and her smoking habit. It is at this point that Sarah gives herself a tracheotomy (yes, yes she does). Then cop no. 3 - who is not dead after all - starts hitting Sarah, or rather her belly for no reason. Crazy bitch - who lost her own baby in the car accident that killed Sarah's husband (and here is where it all suddenly makes perfect sense!) - kills off the cop and cuts the baby out of Sarah.

Seriously? WHAT. THE. FUCK?

2/10