V/H/S 2

This is actually not as bad as the first part. Who'd have thought?

The one story that ties all the others together is of a pair of PI's breaking into a house because they are looking for some college kid and what they find instead is a collection of video tapes. Some of the footage has no business ending up on ancient VHS tapes, but let's leave that aside for a minute.

A few of these stories are sort of intriguing...in a WTF? kind of way.

The guy with the artificial eye, though? Really? It's all well that he sees dead people walking around, but why does the eye camera record them? Isn't there a horror film law against that?

Of course, there would be zombies, as they are all the rage these days. The excuse for the footage here is a camera on the bicycle helmet of a mountain biker. No point asking again why this would end up on a video tape rather than, say, youtube.

I got into the suicide cult one. Here, it actually made total sense that there would be cameras as a team just happened to interview the cult leader when it suddenly "became time" and everyone started killing each other and themselves. Then at some point, the whole episode turns sideways and gets really, really weird. We are again entering zombie territory and what may well be the devil himself makes an appearance.

What is the best way to piss off your sister who is having some friends over on the family jetty, ready to dive into the water at any second? Squirt guns? Water balloons? Seriously? Aren't those people there to get wet? But then, right when your imbecile brothers and their friends (those little shits) are getting really annoying, the aliens arrive.

....and in case you're wondering how long it takes to reach full frontal nudity, the answer is 1 min.

4/10

Black Mirror: Fifteen Million Merits

Of all the futures shown in Black Mirror (yes, I have already watched all episodes available at this point...lagging behind in the blogging department) this is the one that is the most disturbing to me.

Young people earn their keep by riding stationary bikes and live in rooms with vidiwalls surrounding them. The constantly popping up commercials would absolutely freak me out. You can use the merits you earn by riding that stationary bike to skip the ads, but you have to be careful to not use to many of them up as you obviously need them for something bigger.

That something bigger in this case is buying you way into the waiting room of a casting show. If you are unlucky, you don't look appealing enough to actually be called to the stage. This is no first come, first serve situation. Of course, looks and mass appeal are all that matters. It helps if you have some sort of talent, I guess but surely you wouldn't mind taking that top of, honey?

Again, impressive cast (this features Rupert Everett and Downton Abbey's late Lady Sybil).

7/10

Dallas Buyers Club

It pains me to type this but Matthew McConaughey is really freaking great in this. Seriously, what happened there? How did he suddenly end up in all these good films and shows and actually turn in brilliant performances (True Detective, The Wolf of Wall Street)?

The film is based on the true life story of Ron Woodruff. Other main characters in the film (most notably Rayon and Eve) are composites of different people an episodes from Woodruff's life. And talking about brilliant performances...Jared Leto is absolutely awesome in this, as well. In the past (after My So Called Life) he seemed to gravitate towards total weirdness (see: Mr. Nobody) and ugly stories (as in good ugly, see: Requiem for a Dream). This sort of fits both categories quite well, though.

...and he really is the prettiest girl in the room.

As for Jennifer Garner, she is not really given enough material to shine in, being mostly confined to her hospital desk and stuck in scrubs. She ends up being dress-up most of the time, smiling politely. She does that well, mind you.

I now understand why both, McConaughey and Leto got Oscars for their roles in Dallas Buyers Club. But I still think Matthew McConaughey is a weird, weird person.

8/10

Frozen

So, a friend tricked me into watching a musical. I don't like 'em and this is what Frozen is - a musical.

Yeah, it's cute and all. It also has all the funny bits one would expect from a Walt Disney animated film. However, whenever it drifted off into being all serious it lost me. I like my animated films funny. Also, that song that won the Oscar for Best Original Song? It annoys the hell out of me.

I know I go against the majority vote but this was all really just "meh" for me.

Sorry.

5/10

Black Mirror: The National Anthem

You gotta love the Brits, for they make awesome TV shows.

Case in point: Black Mirror.

This show is not a continuous tale but rather a number of episodes set in some not-too-distant future, where virtual reality crazes have reached new heights and everyone's life takes place online as much as in the real world (sometimes more).

In the first episode, a princess (who, from what I can tell has some sort of It-Girl status and is beloved by the masses) is kidnapped and a video of her pleading for her life and reading out a message goes viral immediately. What the kidnapper(s) want(s) is for the British Prime Minister to have sex with a pig, an act which is to be broadcast live.

Despite the premise being so out there, the episode is impeccably cast and the act - when finally, inevitably committed - is sad and desperate.

Quite good, this.

8/10

The ABCs of Death

Here are 26 short films about death.

Each director involved in the project was given one letter of the alphabet to work with. The result is sometimes quite awesome (D) and sometimes boring (G) or even downright stupid (F).

Sadly, the really good stories are few and far between.

Here are the stories in detail:

A is for Apocalypse: The beginning is quite promising, I thought. The apocalypse itself is only hinted at and only shown as a red light outside the window of the room the story (a murder, but - as we learn - out of mercy) takes place in. 6/10

B is for Bigfoot: Also quite good. Here a bed time story about a snow creature coming for the little children - made up on the spot - becomes ghastly reality. Well, sort of. 7/10

C is for Cycle: Weird but still a cool idea. I only found it irritating that the subtitles turned 'Bruno' into 'Bruce' for some reason. 6/10

D is for Dogfight: Brilliant. Gets by without any dialogue. 9/10

E is for Exterminate: Yeah, yeah. A spider. Of course there was going to be something with a spider. Meh. 4/10

F is for Fart: Really? 'Fart' is the one word you come up to build a horror story around? And then it is not even a horror story, just plain stupid. 1/10

G is for Gravity: The height of boredom. 2/10

H is for Hydry-Electric Diffusion: Are those foxes? I've decided they are foxes. One (British?) soldier fox goes into a strip club, where a very hot (apparently) fox is on stage. Unfortunately, she turns out to be a Nazi and wants to electrocute the soldier fox. No, really. 2/10

I is for Ingrown: Woman tied up in a bathtub always makes for decent horror. 5/10

J is for Jidai-geki: A samurai has to execute someone. Very strange laughter, distorted face, buckets of sweat. Japanese weirdness. 3/10

K is for Klutz: A piece of shit. Literally. 1/10

L is for Libido: Torture porn. Actually, torture + porn. 5/10

M is for Miscarriage: This may be the shortest piece of the them all (or maybe that is Gravity). A miscarriage in the toilet. 3/10

N is for Nuptials: Hilarious. 8/10

O is for Orgasm: S&M in all its slo-mo beauty. 7/10

P is for Pressure: Prostitution and kitties. 4/10

Q is for Quack: Yes, killing an animal will totally make your movie better (the movie in the movie, that is). And shooting a duck that sits inside a cage is, like, so manly, too. These two guys are too stupid to manage even that. 4/10

R is for Removed: A patch of skin (?) is removed that is actually a strip of film (?). What is going on here? Also, disgusting. Then the guy, who's skin has been removed pushes a train. Why? Nobody knows. And then it's raining blood. 2/10

S is for Speed: A woman kidnapping another while outrunning some sort of monstrosity, flees in very, very fast car. Then she runs out of gas and the monstrosity catches up with her. He tellsher she can't run forever and takes her hand. She falls down and - back in the real world now - dies from an OD. 4/10

T is for Toilet: Ah, claymation. The toilet spews green goo and turns into a monster. Blood and gore and melting faces. Weirdly fascinating. 6/10

U is for Unearthed; There's the vampire bit. Dug up, hunted by townsfolk, gets teeth pulled, a stake through the heart and head chopped off. Very old school, this. 6/10

V is for Vagitus (The Cry of a Newborn Baby): A robot warrior thing bites a baby's head off. 3/10

W is for WTF!: Movie makers (presumably) that have been given the W discuss the possibility of the letter. So meta. Also, clown zombies. WTF indeed. 1/10

X is for XXL: An overweight woman getting attacked and shamed by everyone she encounters. They're all French, so the being an asshole bit comes easy to them. Said woman then stuffs her face with everything in the must disgusting manner. Then she performs some DIY plastic (?) surgery on herself. Gross. 3/10

Y is for Youngbuck: A creepy janitor is really into the sweat of teenage boys. And hunting. This is like a horrifying music video. 2/10

Z is for Zetsumetsu (Extinction): Sushi, woman in Nazi uniform, a Japanese guy channeling Dr. Strangelove, a huge dildo and a food fight. 2/10

Nebraska

Alexander Payne is channeling David Lynch's The Straight Story here.

Whereas old Mr. Straight from Iowa was off on his a lawnmower to visit his brother Wisconsin, who had recently had a stroke and whom he had not spoken to for years, old Mr. Grant tries to get from Billings, MT, to Lincoln, NE, and - also lacking a licence - sets off on foot to collect a promised prize of $ 1,000,000,--.

Of course, nobody besides him is fooled by the mailing promising the money and his family tries to talk him out of it, but his son David realizes that his father simply must do this, if not for the money than out of principle and drives him. Along the way, they run into a few difficulties like head wounds and lost teeth and end up having to shackle up in Mr. Grant's hometown. There, talk of him being a millionaire is making the rounds and everyone is lining up to get a piece of the action. And no persuading from David's side that his dad has not actually won anything can stop it. It is only when the cousins mug the pair and steal the coveted letter that the truth finally hits home with the small town folks, but not with David's dad.

In the end, they make it to the address given to learn that - as expected - Mr. Grant did not actually have one of the winning numbers. He gets a hat for his troubles.

Much like The Straight Story, this is a quiet and slow paced journey that has a man reconnect with his family. Also, it portrays the difficult relationship between the lifelong hard drinking father and his two sons, that may be better off with the old man in constant care. But along the way, they all realize how solid their family bond actually is when faced with the adversaries of people trying to get their hands on the imaginary loot. Together, they even try to steal a compressor before realizing that they stole from the wrong person.

The black and white gives this a slightly bleak but also very calm feel and the acting from all involved is really wonderful. Who knew Bruce Dern as the quietly stubborn father is wonderful and got a well-deserved Oscar nomination for this. June Squibb (as his wife and also Oscar nominated), who I don't remember having seen before, is fantastic. Bob Odenkirk has a small role as David's brother and does that well, of course. And who knew Will Forte had a serious role in him? Also in a supporting role here is Stacy Keach (I didn't even know whether he was still alive, to be honest) as one of the old friends lining up for money after having people first applaud old Grant by announcing the money won and later has everyone laughing at the old man by reading out the mailing that - obvious to everyone but Mr. Grant - is nothing more than a marketing scheme.

This is really wonderful and I hope someone involved wins something tonight.

8/10

Which brings us to the current ranking of the Best Picture nominees I have seen so far (which should not be misunderstood as a tip for tonight - I do believe that 12 Years a Slave will win, although I am still rooting for Gravity and hoping that American Hustle does not pull off a surprise):

Gravity
Captain Philips
Nebraska
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street
American Hustle