The Frozen Dead

Oh, how I love bad horror films! This one takes the eternal baddies, the Nazis, to good use. One Dr. Norborg has been working on a secret project to revive bodies that have been frozen for up to 20 years. An interested party of two Nazi sympathizers come to have a look at the doctor's progress and are very disappointed when they learn that even though the bodies have been revived, there have been some hick-ups with the brain function.

This is demonstrated through recent failed revivals, one subject is eternally crying because his brain appears to be stuck in a sad moment of his previous life, another is constantly bouncing an invisible ball, a third - this the doctor's own brother (played by the only actor of note in the whole thing, Edward Fox) - has been rather violent since he was defrosted, constantly trying to choke people.

This brain problem is of very great concern to the visitors, as they came to inform the doctor of their plan to revive 1500 frozen heads of Nazis of prominence. They wish to see results soon and the doctor feels he will need some more time. To speed things up, the doctor's assistant stages a murder.

Let me explain. The doctor's niece Jean makes a surprise appearance with a friend. Jean is the daughter of the now violent brother. That friend is drugged by the assistant and left for the brother to choke to death. He tells the doctor that OMG! I heard a noise and came in to see your brother kill the poor girl. But wait! Don't panic! How about we cut off her head and see if we cannot revive her brain properly? Wouldn't that be awesome?

And so they do. This causes a bit of a chain reaction, because Jean is looking for her, they make up an elaborate lie of the friend having left for London on the morning train. Jean will not let go and asks uncomfortable questions. The two Nazi visitors put more pressure on the doctor to get his shit together so that they can get on with their evil plan of trying for world domination once again.

It is as ridiculous as it sounds, which is to say, quite awesome.

(see also: Nazis at the Center of the Earth, a film with similar themes)

4/10

Gangster No. 1

Normally, I would love this film. If it weren't for that one tiny detail that I simply don't understand. Malcolm McDowell is 1,74 m. Paul Bettany is 1,92 m. The two look nothing alike. They play the same person at different times in their lives.

Why?

Everybody else in this film play themselves in a younger and older version.

The rest is all wonderfully messed up, like gangster films are supposed to be. Paul Bettany plays this ruthless, jealous gangster that takes his chance to run the operation when it comes about. The boss gets shot and blamed for his big opponent's death, or rather slaughter, which was committed by the Bettany character (in the hands down best scene of the film).

Not many play mad as well as Paul Bettany does.

Despite the one big irritation, this is well worth watching. The Brits do make great gangster films.

Bonus: Andrew Lincoln with the dumbest hairdo imaginable.

7/10

Black Mirror: The Waldo Moment

Waldo is a blue cartoon bear that - voiced by comedian Jamie - interviews politicians for his TV show. Wouldn't surprise me if this actually happened soon-ish. He is rude and a very uncomfortable interviewer, especially to one Liam Monroe. The producers of Waldo's show even go as far as gate crashing small local events Monroe is holding.

And then Waldo himself is put up for election. Something Jamie, who wants nothing more to be recognized for himself rather than as a cartoon bear, only reluctantly agrees to. The situation gets really complicated after a one night stand Jamie has with another candidate.

Not all the episodes can be great and this one was just all right. Luckily, Liam Monroe is played by Tobias Menzies, who is very easy on the eyes.

Could this really be the last of the series? I am so hoping that Black Mirror will continue in the near future (ha!).

6/10

Black Mirror: White Bear

My absolute favorite of the series.

Here, we follow Victoria as she stumbles through a neighborhood, while she tries to figure out what the hell is going on. She woke up in a strange place and everyone appears to be after her. Whoever is not trying to kill her is filming her with their cells. None of the bystanders are willing to help or only interact with her.

Then she chances upon a group of vigilantes helping her by saving her from the people hunting her. Or so it seems. Throughout Victoria has flashes of memory of a little child that she thinks may be hers.

The conclusion - or ending, as the story does not actually conclude - is awesome and delivers a devastating blow to the apparent heroine that she is not likely to recover from any time soon.

Less science fiction than the other episodes, although also set in the near future.

So, so good.

9/10

Trog

Where to begin with this ridiculous mess?

A trio of hobby mountaineers stumbles upon the entry to a cave that apparently no man has ever been in. Weirdly enough, though, the entrance is huge and barely hidden by a few small bushes and trees. Must not be a very popular spot. In the cave lives the creature Trog, half ape, half man - for so says the all-knowing Dr. Brockton (played by Joan Crawford, although why she would deem it necessary to appear in this POS is beyond me), no first name available.

Anyway, one of the hobby cave dwellers gets killed by the creature, one suffers from shock induced delirium and is never considered after a short visit in his hospital room, the third sides with Dr. Brockton in wanting to study the Trog.

Of course, there are those who simply want to do away with the creature - represented by Mr. Murdoch, the most vocal opponent of the idea of studying the 'missing link'. At this point, let me include a piece of dialogue of the film, said by Mr. Murdoch, "Go ahead, Missing Link. If that's what you are, you should be missing!"

There are repeated hearings on the matter and Brockton gets a quasi go ahead as she proudly announces that Trog, after a procedure, can now speak simple words. During the procedure the scientists are able to, uhm, read? Trogs mind. We are treated to his memory footage of dinosaurs fighting to the death. The scenes are shown from sometimes, I dunno, five different angles, so Trog must have been working with steady cams to form his memories.

The situation comes to blows after Murdoch breaks into the laboratory, where Trog is apparently under surveillance "day and night". But really, has it ever been so easy to break into any facility ever? And when Murdoch takes the room Trog is kept in apart as noisily as possible (see, his bright idea is it to have people think that Trog did this and OMG! what a savage beast he is), nobody can hear anything? After he does the deed and wants to flee the premises, however, Murdoch is attacked and killed by the now free Trog. When the scientists (awakened by the car horn that the dead man falls onto) find Trog in the garden standing over the body, the beast escapes by....somersaulting over a low gate.

(I'm not making this up.)

Now everybody is after him and he gets cornered and killed back in his original cave. Dr. Brockton walks off sadly.

2/10

Black Mirror: Be Right Back

When Ash dies in an accident, his grieving girlfriend Martha is informed about a possibility to re-create his online presence in a way that it/he could communicate with her again. Ash was basically online 24/7 and has left sufficient traces on various sites and his personality, his humor, his voice can be pieced together quite easily.

So Martha and Ash's online presence start writing to each other first and talk for hours on the phone. It is more or less like a long distance relationship. Eventually, new Ash suggests to go a step further and Martha acquires a robot? likeness of her diseased boyfriend.

This creeps me out to no end.

And it creeps out Martha, as well. Turns out, she is pregnant with his child, though. In the end, a jump years into the future is made when the girl, turning 10 (I think) is allowed to visit Ash in the attic, where he is apparently kept. Also, he doesn't age.

Probably not the best of the series but quite possibly the creepiest.

6/10

Orlando

This is one story that is hard to explain, which makes it all the more impressive that Sally Potter managed to make a coherent film (well, as coherent as one can make it) out of it. And if you don't know what to expect, this may weird you out.

The film is based on the novel by Virginia Woolf. Orlando is a man and a woman and lives over several centuries, unfortunately during times when being a woman made you less of a person. The female Orlando could not own land and - when turning down a suitor - was told that she would remain a spinster and, well, lose everything.

Luckily, though, a suitable husband fall right at her feet. Well, actually, her face, seeing that she just fell face down herself. And even more luckily, it turns out she does not actually need him. But whatever I tell you about the story will only make it seem even more confusing than it actually is.

It is lavish and beautiful, with some dramatic use of music.

The only sour note (for me) was that even though the film lists Billy Zane as one of the main actors, he only shows up 1 h and 10 min into the film. And then he departs 12 min later.

7/10

Black Mirror: The Entire History of You

In this episode everyone records what they see through a lens and an implant. That way you can replay any episode from your entire life - maybe to look more closely at the picture that presented itself or to review moments and learn what you could maybe do different in similar situations. Of course, you can also show your daily adventures off to others and get their input.

This instrument then turns into an obsession for a husband who - on closer/second inspection - notices his wife laughing a little more loudly and readily at some other man's joke and how the way she looks at the other guy differs from the way she looks at the husband. From a drunken night and a very uncomfortable conversation, that even the babysitter is drawn into, this spins into a visit to the expected rival.

The situation gets entirely out of hand when the husband realizes that the other man is a former boyfriend of the wife, whom she was not completely honest about. What is more, there is a growing suspicion that the couple's child may not actually be his.

Like so many new electronic inventions that everyone partakes in, this total record of one's life can be both, a blessing and a course.

Again, very intriguing.

7/10

Black Mirror: Fifteen Million Merits

Of all the futures shown in Black Mirror (yes, I have already watched all episodes available at this point...lagging behind in the blogging department) this is the one that is the most disturbing to me.

Young people earn their keep by riding stationary bikes and live in rooms with vidiwalls surrounding them. The constantly popping up commercials would absolutely freak me out. You can use the merits you earn by riding that stationary bike to skip the ads, but you have to be careful to not use to many of them up as you obviously need them for something bigger.

That something bigger in this case is buying you way into the waiting room of a casting show. If you are unlucky, you don't look appealing enough to actually be called to the stage. This is no first come, first serve situation. Of course, looks and mass appeal are all that matters. It helps if you have some sort of talent, I guess but surely you wouldn't mind taking that top of, honey?

Again, impressive cast (this features Rupert Everett and Downton Abbey's late Lady Sybil).

7/10

Black Mirror: The National Anthem

You gotta love the Brits, for they make awesome TV shows.

Case in point: Black Mirror.

This show is not a continuous tale but rather a number of episodes set in some not-too-distant future, where virtual reality crazes have reached new heights and everyone's life takes place online as much as in the real world (sometimes more).

In the first episode, a princess (who, from what I can tell has some sort of It-Girl status and is beloved by the masses) is kidnapped and a video of her pleading for her life and reading out a message goes viral immediately. What the kidnapper(s) want(s) is for the British Prime Minister to have sex with a pig, an act which is to be broadcast live.

Despite the premise being so out there, the episode is impeccably cast and the act - when finally, inevitably committed - is sad and desperate.

Quite good, this.

8/10

It!

When a warehouse holding artifacts owned by an antique museum burns down, the only piece left standing is a rather crude looking statue. The curator, Mr. Grove, and his assistant, Arhur Pimm, come to the scene to look at the damage. Grove decides that the statue is to be displayed in the museum and as Pimm walks off, Grove puts an umbrella he bought along into the statues arms to have a closer look at etchings on the statues side. Then Pimm hears a scream, rushes back and finds Grove dead on the ground, his umbrella beside him but the arms of the statue have apparently moved.

In the museum, the statue is back to its original form but after an electrician makes fun of it and swipes a match on it, he too dies as the thing lands on top of him. Pimm starts to slowly realize that something about the statue is not quite right. But then, neither is Pimm himself. He lives with the embalmed body of his dead mother propped up in a chair, tells her about his day, makes her tea and brings home jewelry from the museum for her to wear.

An expert from New York is flown in to evaluate the piece and possibly acquire it for a museum there. Yes, of course the expert was from the States and handsome to boot. Back in the 1950's and 1960's them and scientists, too, were of the dashing, daring sort. They only apparently became nerds in the 1980's (long before it was cool).

Meanwhile, Pimm does his own digging into the origin and the writing on the statue. The statue is an actual golem. Pimm bullies an aging rabbi into giving him the information and scripture he needs to command the statue, at this point only half believing in its usefulness himself.

Back at the museum, he follows all steps that would give him commanding power over the golem. And, alsas!, it works! He has the golem kill the new curator (a job Pimm expected to be rightfully his) and then has him/it tear down a bridge to impress wide-eyes, blonde Ellen, Mr. Grove's daughter. She, of course, it already smitten by the American expert. That guy is the first besides Pimm to realize what they are dealing with and - what's more important - that Pimm has taken command of the statue.

When Pimm, who is at this point already losing control over the golem and tried to get rid of it by burning it or telling it to walk into the sea - to no avail -, is taken into custody, the statue runs rampant (walking through walls, breaking open doors) and frees him. Then Pimm takes the golem, his mother and the still wide-eyed, blonde Ellen (slightly terrified possibly, but who's to say whether the eyes got any wider than before) to a cloister that is to be acquired by the museum. There, the arrival of the golem and dead mother terrify the lone inhabitant, an elderly, matronly librarian. When the two women conspire to escape by setting fire to the roof, Pimm burns the poor old woman.

Outside, the British army has taken up shop to destroy the golem with ever larger weapons. As nothing works, it is decided to shoot off a 'small nuclear warhead' at the cloister, never mind the collateral damage. Pimm finally lets the whining Ellen go and is the only one besides the golem inside the cloister when the device destroys it. Out of the ruble rises the golem to walk off into the ocean.

Flawed and already outdated when it was made.

5/10

28 Days Later...

A group of animal rights activists breaks into a lab to free chimpanzees, that are being used for testing. Although the cause is noble, the activists are about to unleash a epidemic on the population of Great Britain. A lab technician walks in on them and, realizing what they are about to do, warns them that the animals were infected with the dangerous and highly infectious 'Rage' virus. Ignoring this, they open one cage and the chimpanzee storms out and immediately attacks a woman, biting her neck. Within seconds, the infection sets in and the woman's eyes turn red with this it starts.

28 days after this, Jim awakes in a hospital, where he was in a coma after a head injury suffered in a car crash. The hospital is empty and - as Jim walks out, wearing scrubs - so apparently is the entire city of London. He stumbles around, calling out and really only starts to understand the gravity of the situation when he finds an old newspaper with unsettling headlines. Soon enough, he encounters the first group of infected, in a church. They run after him (them things are fast) and he is saved by two young people, Mark and Selena.

They group up and after visiting Jim's parent's house, where he finds his parents in bed, having committed suicide some time ago, they are again attacked by infected. Again, they get away but Mark was infected through an open wound. Selena beats his head in. Traveling on through the city, the two survivors see blinking Christmas lights in a high rise, where they go and meet Frank and his daughter Hannah. After spending a night in relative safety, Frank plays them a recording, informing the population of a safe haven up the country some way. The group decides to make a break for it.

When they come to the spot, the road block appears to be abandoned. Frank, in a rage, kicks against the wall of a lean to, that has a bloody body on top. A drop of blood falls right into his eye, infecting him (all this in a pretty shot from the blood drops point of view). While Frank turns, military shows up to shoot the hell out of him. Jim, Selena and Hannah are taken to a nearby, very posh house, which is the military base.

They believe themselves to finally have some sort of safety. However, they are the only ones there besides the small group of soldiers. Soon enough, it turns out that the leader, Major West, has sent out the communication picked up by Frank and had promised his men women - and now there were two. After an alteration, when some of the soldiers are about to attack Selena and Hannah, the one soldier that rushes to help the women and Jim are taken into custody and brought to the nearby woods by two soldiers. There, they are about to be shot, but Jim gets away. He hides in the bushes, noticing an airplane overhead.

While the women are very much in distress, Jim sets off an alarms by the road block, Major West sets out to take care of business himself, with the help of just one soldier. His comrade gets killed by Jim, who also cuts the car's wire, stranding the Major, who has to make his way back now on foot. Jim returns to the house, where he first frees one infected former soldier, that has been kept on a chain in the yard. After the infected makes it into the house, the virus takes his usual, speedy course, getting to all the soldiers (including the returning Major West) while Selena, Hannah and Jim make their escape.

Another 28 days later, the trio is settled in a house in a mountainous area. They have been working on stitching together bed linens and - in the last scene - spell out the word 'HELLO' to get the attention of the planes, passing over in regular intervals.

8/10

A Day in the Death of Joe Egg

Couple Bri and Sheila dedicate all their time to caring for their daughter Jo, who suffers from cerebral palsy and has been unresponsive ever since she was a baby.

To try and keep their spirits up and their marriage together, they have taken to using dark humor and funny voices around their girl. They even make up her side of the conversations. The doctor they consulted when she was a baby (a German or Viennese, they don't quite remember) referred to her as a vegetable, because the official terms for everything that was wrong with her was too much of a mouthful.

Bri would like to have her institutionalized and even fantasizes about killing the girl. He is also slacking when she his left in his care and forgets some medicine or other. Sheila, however, is dedicating as much time as she possibly can to caring for their daughter.

Not only does the marriage suffer, visits from a couple of friends, Freddie and Pam, are also somewhat embarrassing for everyone involved. Pam is uncomfortable about being around a sick child while Freddie is overly cheerful. He tries to help by dishing out advice about putting her in a 'special school' so that they can get on with their lives. Pam wonders aloud whether it wouldn't be better for the child to die, even stirring the conversation towards euthanasia and the way the Nazis dealt with sickness. The opening for her little rant was given by Bri himself, who told them a made up story about how he had suffocated Jo with a pillow earlier.

Jo takes a turn for the worst and after Pam and Freddie leave to get medical assistance, Bri takes the girl out into the cold with him to leave her in the garden. But when the girl appears to be unresponsive he takes her back inside, saying, "I believe it is all over." But the ambulance arrives in the nick of time and Jo survives, much to Bri's apparent disappointment.

Sheila and Jo return from the hospital again the next day and discuss the possibility of finding a hospital for their daughter to stay in for a few weeks every year so that they could find time to go on vacations. But Bri is done with this version of normalcy and - instead of going to work as his wife believes - he boards a train to London.

Brilliantly acted by everyone involved.

8/10

Never Say Never Again

This is the one James Bond film that is not officially part of the series. From the very first instant - when the beginning credits set in - we know that everything is different. There is no shadowy figure in the round seeker of a gun turning towards the camera and shooting followed by a song performed by the superstar of the moment. There is a different M, a different Q, even a different Felix.

But the story is very James Bond-y and the original 007 is back (again). The location is as exotic as ever and the cast is fantastic: Klaus Maria Brandauer, Max von Sydow, Edward Fox, Kim Basinger, Rowan Atkinson. The fashion (other than Bond's classic tuxedo) is painfully 1980's.

The woman in the picture does not only commit a typical 1980's fashion crime, she is also totally bonkers. For instance, she insists on being the best lay Bond has ever had and wants him to put that in writing. James, of course, has been handed a pen out of Q's little shop and shoots her with it. The crazy bitch is not the only woman that ends up in Bond's arms before he saves the day.

Some more recurring themes: a casino and some deep sea diving. Nothing new, but an interesting attempt of trying to secure a piece of the franchise cake. It remains the only one thus far.

6/10

Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes

Of the many film versions of the Tarzan story, this is probably the one honoring the original tale thought up by Edgar Rise Burroughs, whose Tarzan was a much more intelligent creature than often portrayed.

The first part of the film is almost entirely without (human) dialogue and depicts young Jean/John/Tarzan as an infant growing up around and with apes, always protected by his caring mother. The film goes through four ages played by boys before settling on young Christopher Lambert. He loses his 'mother' to a party of explorers and in a tumult that follows (explorers, natives, apes) Philippe D'Arnot (Ian Holm) gets injured and left behind. John nurses him back to health and D'Arnot in return teaches him in language and the ways of the world.

They eventually return to John's grandfather's estate in England, who is overjoyed to welcome back a part of his family, having lost his son (John's father) after his ship wrecked, leaving him and his young wife stranded in the jungle, where both eventually died, leaving their infant son to be raised by chimpanzees.

At the estate he meets Jane, a relative staying with his grandfather. He appears to be settling in rather well but falls apart again after his grandfather also dies. When he, now Lord Greystoke, finds his ape 'father' caged in town, he breaks him out, but the ape gets shot during the escape. Losing yet another member of his family, John returns to what he believes to be his real home, becoming Lord of the jungle.

An ok version of the classic material.

5/10

The Remains of the Day

This is based on the novel of the same name by Kazuo Ishiguro.

The story is set between the two world wars at Darlington Hall. Mr. Stevens (Anthony Hopkins) is the butler of the house, serving Lord Darlington (James Fox), who fancies himself a sort of mediator between his home country and Germany. Although a well-intentioned man, Lord Darlington will later be remembered as a friend of Nazi Germany.

The political discussions in the film, however, are merely the backdrop to the story of the servants and workers of the house, mainly Mr. Stevens and the housekeeper Miss Kenton (Emma Thompson), and their relationship...which could have been more than professional, were it not for the distant air of Mr. Stevens, who values his duties and loyalty above all else. Eventually, Miss Kenton leaves the house to marry.

Years later, after receiving a letter from her and after his Lordship has passed away and the house sold to an American congressman (Christopher Reeve, only a few years before his disastrous accident), Mr. Stevens takes a trip to meet with her to possibly arrange for her to come back into service at Darlington Hall.

The cast is impressive, to say the least. Along with the before mentioned Hopkins, Thompson, Fox and Reeve, it also features Hugh Grant and - in minor roles - Ben Chaplin and a young Lena Headly as a shy maid (a far cry from her turn as the scheming Queen Cersei on Game of Thrones).

A wonderful, wonderful film.

9/10

Submarine

Life is difficult for Oliver Tate.

He needs to get a girlfriend to lose his virginity to, preferably his schoolmate Jordana, while at the same time trying to resurrect his parent's marriage, that appears to be in shambles. His mother's former 'friend' Graham (Paddy Considine with one of the worst mullets in recent history) moved in next door.

Oliver himself moves through life in insecurity and wide-eyed desperation. He gets Jordana, but having a girlfriend brings a lot of complications with it, for one her family including a mother sick with cancer and a dead dog. His covert operations to keep his parent's marriage intact don't seem to do a lot of good either. Eventually, however, some things sort themselves out.

It's weird and dorky and very funny. I love this!

Great soundtrack, too!

8/10

Utopia - Season 1

This thriller in six parts evolves around a mysterious manuscript of a graphic novel called "The Utopia Experiments", that is detailing a large scale conspiracy that involves a big corporation, a secretive "network", politicians, a socially awkward killer and a group of unsuspecting graphic novel fans that end up in the middle of a murderous roller coaster ride.

Initially, it follows a man who searches for the manuscript on behalf of 'The Network', killing anyone (literally) in his way and putting forward the question, "Where is Jessica Hyde?". Jessica herself has contacted a group that more or less accidentally acquired the manuscript.

They quickly realize that they have gotten entwined in a very precarious situation there is seemingly no way out of and any person they encounter on the way may be friend or foe and they have no way of knowing who to trust. What is also not clear is whether or not Jessica Hyde herself is hindrance or help. As if their conundrum weren't severe enough, they also end up having to care for a couple of young kids, Grant (graphic novel fan, the one who gets a hold of the manuscript first and is being framed for a school shooting) and Alice (hides the manuscript for Grant and witnesses her mother being killed over it).

The series is colorful and fast paced with shifting loyalties and many a twist and turn, which keeps it interesting and the audience guessing. The end then is a rather bleak one for all involved (or rather, the ones still alive). Channel 4 also put up a pretty nifty website to go with the show.

7/10

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Two warnings about this film:

1) The book Salmon Fishing in the Yemen was dreadfully uneventful.
2) The film is directed by Lasse Hallström, who is not known for fast-paced filmmaking.

Thankfully, there is Kristin Scott Thomas to lighten the mood a bit becasue, quite frankly, without her there would be barely any sort of comic relief in this.

Admittedly, I barely remember the novel (tried to forget it, really). For example, I cannot remember an attempt on the Sheik's life in the book. I don't think the literary Alfred saved anybody's life.

Nothing to write home about, this.

On the plus side (besides Ms. Scott Thomas), the film features some nice scenery and Conleth Hill, whom you might know as Lord Varys in Game of Thrones.

2/10

The Hot Potato

When a facility owned by GB's Ministry of Defence is destroyed, Danny and Kenny come into possession of a lump of Uranium discovered in the debris.

As soon as they realize what they have, they try to sell it. This involves meeting with an array of shady characters across Europe (in Bruges, Ostend, Luxembourg, Rome etc.) all the while being 'helped' by a German named - wait for it - Fritz. And everyone knows you can't trust a German (the filmmakers' words, not mine).

The film is based on true events (or so they claim) and is a throwback to 1960s crime caper films featuring a wonderful cast. My favorite(s): 'the twins' and, obviously, Ray Winstone.

6/10