The Crazies

I have seen The Crazies before. I have also seen the original version of the film before. The earlier one was made in 1973 and sports all the craziness one would expect from a horror flick made by George A. Romero. The kung fu was probably the most ridiculous bit.

I much prefer the new version, for several reasons. Firstly, there is no kung fu in this. The lead is played by Timothy Olyphant, who is very easy on the eyes. And the new version is set in Iowa. Why they would change the setting from Pennsylvania in the original to Iowa in the remake I do not know.

The disaster is caused by a combination of accident and government involvement. A plane transporting a bio-weapon goes down in a body of water that supplies the county with drinking water. Very unfortunate. Not only does the water now turn the locals into the crazies in the title within a 48 hour incubation period, but the government also tries to contain not only the virus (for lack of a better word) and the information that this ever happened. The latter, of course, means that everyone - healthy or sick - has to be terminated.

The ones walking away are the local sheriff and his pregnant wife, who walk, run and fight they way out of the military controlled (or the lack of it) area. The last thing they see of their former home is a mushroom cloud. But this being the naughties, the will only end up in the next contamination area.

No revelation, to be sure, but good fun for an hour and a half.

6/10

The X Files: Conduit

Sioux City, Iowa, is the location of this particular episode. Ruby Morris, a young woman whose mother has been involved in a UFO sighting when she was a girl, disappears from a site where she has been camping with her mother and little brother. Ever since, her little brother Kevin has been painting a series of zeros and ones on a pad, from clues he is taking from the white noise on the TV (Poltergeist anyone?).

Local law enforcement does not take the disappearance seriously because Ruby has been known to runaround with every other boy in town. Then one Tessa shows up to tell a tale of Ruby's relationship with a no-good boyfriend, who has not been showing up at his job for a few days. Then his body is found and it turns out that Tessa killed him because she was pregnant with his child and offed him in revenge for him hanging out with Ruby.

The ones and zeros little Kevin has been painting turn out to be top secret information, consequently getting him and his mother in trouble. She blames Mulder and Scully for the unwanted attention and does no longer want to speak with them. Mulder, of course, is not willing to give up and when he and Scully come to look for them in their house they are not there. What they find instead are more sheets of paper laid out on the ground floor. When Scully goes to the first floor and looks down she sees that they are actually a picture of Ruby.

Mulder takes this as a sign that the mother and boy must have returned to the site where Ruby disappeared. When the agents get there they find the two as well as a bruised and beaten Ruby, that may or may not have been returned from an abduction. Ultimately, her mother encourages her to not speak about her experience on account of herself having been ridiculed for speaking up all her life.

6/10

Butter

US State Fairs are wondrous and exciting things. Of course, one wants to be the one to represent one's county at the State Fair in the butter carving contest. I understand this.

I have been to the Iowa State Fair in the year 1990 (yes, a long time ago) and I generally like films set in places I have been - here, besides the Fair itself we also have a car dealership in Iowa Falls. I lived a 20 minute drive from Iowa Falls! OMG!

...

(C'mon, now! Calm down!)

...

Right, Butter.

In the Midwest, people value family and the little joys in life - like winning the regional butter carving contest. Professional wife Laura Pickler (Jennifer Garner) is not at all happy with the committee's decision that her husband Bob (Ty Burrell), the carving champion for 15 years running, will be kept out of the competition and is supposed to be 'promoted' to judge status.

Laura is not one to take this lying down and takes matters or, rather, butter into her own hands and plans to keep the crown in the family, when out of nowhere this little foster child Destiny, who appears to be a natural in sculpting butter, comes to compete with her. Destiny is backed by her new foster parents (Rob Dorddry and Alicia Silverstone) and Bob's discarded lover/pole dancer Brooke (Olivia Wilde). Not even lies and manipulation, all courtesy of Laura's car dealer/lap dog (Hugh Jackman), can keep young Destiny from beating Laura.

Kinda cute.

6/10