Escape Plan

I was entertained, but I do have some issues.

Who in their right minds would put the likes of Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vinnie Jones and, um, 50 Cent (?) in a film with Vincent D'Onofrio, Jim Caviezel, Amy Ryan and Sam Neill? Surely, those two groups should have been in entirely different films. Preferably, the first batch would have made Escape Plan and the second group could have been in some serious film that requires some actual acting?

Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Jones are doing what they do best, which is looking and sounding angry, getting tortured or torturing, respectively, and generally kicking ass all over the place. They are good at it.

Vincent D'Onofrio is stuck behind a desk in a role that never gets off the ground, Amy Ryan is doing a lot of frowning and is against everything (especially when suggested by a *ghasp!* other woman), Sam Neill is a sad-looking doctor who only seems to remember his Hippocratic oath when Stallone asks for his help (what did he think he was doing in this tightest of all maximum security prisons anyway before?). Jim Caviezel, at least, gets a bigger platform than the other wasted talents. He is the bad guy in nice suit (and doesn't remind us of his Person of Interest character, like, at all) and he is good at it. That's something, I guess.

And 50 Cent has nothing to do except drive a car and hit a few buttons on a keyboard, his role made more believable by putting spectacles on him.

That all said, let me return to my initial statement, I was entertained, but the action heroes would have done that trick by themselves.

5/10

42

There are some stories that have such historical impacts that they need to be told. The story of Jackie Robinson, the first African-American to play Major League baseball, is one of them.

In a time when we high-tech sci-fi adventures and comic book based films are forced down our throats, a well told tale of bravery and overcoming adversary is a breath of fresh air. I'm not saying that I can't enjoy a decent blockbuster or graphic-novel-coming-to-a-theater-near-you (although, I am growing weary of that genre in particular), but give me a film like 42 as an alternative and I will choose it any day.

It probably helps to have an interest in baseball to begin with (I'm guessing the film plays better in America than any other continent). But even if you don't this is still a good story about post WWII racism in the US.

The film cast some of the usual suspects, Harrison Ford as the owner of the Brooklyn Dodgers being an obvious choice, but the title role is played by relative newcomer Chadwick Boseman. Personally, I had never heard of him before. He is brilliant. As are all other actors, whatever side of the argument they are paid to be on in this film.

The one surprising casting would be that of the most vocal racist in the film and real life, Ben Chapman, manager of the Phillies during Robinson's rookie season. The role is played by Alan Tudyk, who we are used to seeing as a likable character. There is a short EW article about his (inspired, brilliant) casting, The nasty curveball of 42: Alan Tudyk puts an unexpected face on racism. Chapman's taunting of Robinson is the high point and low point (if you know what I mean) of the film.

Overall, despite the pathos and slo-mo sequences, this is well worth your time.

8/10

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

One of the most hilarious horror comedies in, like, ever.

Tucker and Dale go into the woods in the Appalachian Mountains to fix up Tucker's newly acquired "vacation home" aka cabin in the woods. At the same time, nearby, a group of college kids are camping.

After a short encounter in a small store, they run into each other again. The college kids go skinny dipping while the two country boys are fishing. One of the kids, Allison slips and falls into the water, hitting her head. Tucker and Dale come to her rescue and as they pull her into their boat, they are immediately mistaken for psycho killers by the rest of Allison's group. Leaving messages like "we got ur friend" carved into a log with an ax are not helping the communication difficulties.

What transpires then are a string of very creative accidental deaths by the college idiots as they try to "rescue" their friend from the psychos in the cabin. They run into pointy branches, fall on their homemade spears, jump headfirst into a wood chipper (and Tuckers asking the bottom half of the kid, "are you okay?"), shoot themselves in the face and so on.

It is awesome.

Also, Tucker and Dale are perfectly cast, played by Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine.

9/10

Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

If there is one man's life story that deserves to be told, it is Nelson Mandela's. After a few interpretations on film, the latest effort - Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom - is based on the words of the man himself, as recorded in his autobiography of the same name. Basically, this is the story he told of himself, starting from his beginnings as a lawyer, the ANC, prison, and the time after his release (including him becoming the president of South Africa).

Though the story is powerful and the life inspiring, the film does not necessarily live up to the greatness of the man. Idris Elba, portraying Mandela, is nothing short of brilliant. Physically, his resemblance is limited and he is only made to look like the man in the older years. While still playing a young Nelson Mandela, he frequently takes his shirt off, which is gratifying in so many ways but probably not the point.

The cutting of the film appears fitful, made up of short scenes, that feel like unfinished thoughts and makes the story somewhat incoherent. The advantage is, of course, that most of us know the story anyway. But is that a good enough excuse to make the film into a lengthy music video?

But what really, really bothers me about this is rather ridiculous because it is unimportant to the story. Winnie Mandela does not seem to age. There comes one scene, set in the mid to late eighties (I think), where a half-hearted attempt of making Naomi Harris look the age she is supposed to be by putting a little grey in her unkempt hair, but throughout most of the film she appears to be in her thirties.

Ultimately, this is the kind of film biography that caters more to the MTV generation of kids with short attention span than anyone who is seriously interested in the life of Nelson Mandela.

6/10

Aftershock

After boozing and dancing several nights away in Chile, a group of friends (some old, some new) are caught in some big ass dance hall during an earthquake. The main group (three boys, three girls, how inventive is that?) that the film follows doesn't come away unscathed - far from it. In the initial aftermath, one of the guys loses a hand and when his friends try to send him to safety up a rack railway, he cable breaks, the car falls and everyone in it dies.

The next to croak is the gringo with the group, played by co-writer and co-producer Eli Roth....and he's not really much of an actor, is he? He gets burned alive by a group of escaped convicts, who turn out to be much more of a threat to the survivors than the aftershocks of the earthquake are. They give as much as they get, though. The burning is followed by a rape, which leads to the rapist being killed with an ax and the rape victim being shot. 

That is three down and three to go.

The remaining guy in the group gets shot by a terrified woman trying to prevent the beaten gang from coming to relative safety. He dies soon after (courtesy of the escaped prisoners), the two girls left (sisters! awww!) follow who they think is a firefighter (wrong!) into a church and then - now with the priest in tow - into a down to a secret tunnel. Things go wrong, still. The priest falls to his death and the firefighter turns out to be just another convict and kills one sister and dies through the hand of the other.

The last woman standing stumbles out of the tunnel onto a beach. But wait, wasn't there to be a tsunami that everyone throughout the film was dreading? 

Yes. Yes, there was.

3/10

Cat People

A classic B horror movie from the studio that gave us Citizen Kane. Yep, they did make horror movies, too. And some pretty good ones, I might add. Like this film. Also, I Walked with a Zombie.

Sure, the gore is practically non-existent, which is a bit unusual for a film that features wild animals attacking humans (in moderation, of course), but the film is very shadow-y and dark and very much of the time it was made in....with the suave gentleman with hat and/or cane, the pretty ladies with the well-kept hair and the friendly and pretty black girl serving lunch.

The story is of a Serbian immigrant, who meets a decent, handsome fellow, who for some reason wants to marry her, despite her vague hints of her being strange and different and possibly a cat woman (with Serbian folk tales and all). He laughs such silly things off and marries her anyway, only to be denied the marital bed because sex will surely turn the girl into a beast. Eventually, the blue balled man will turn to another woman (also all very appropriate and perfectly clinical), which makes the wife jealous and finally really makes her turn into a psychopath/beast.

Alas, the beast only shows up way, way into the movie. It is beautiful, but mostly hidden in the shadows. And it/she only kills once (if you don't count her sort of suicide by zoo animal).

Very pretty and noir.

7/10

Orlando

This is one story that is hard to explain, which makes it all the more impressive that Sally Potter managed to make a coherent film (well, as coherent as one can make it) out of it. And if you don't know what to expect, this may weird you out.

The film is based on the novel by Virginia Woolf. Orlando is a man and a woman and lives over several centuries, unfortunately during times when being a woman made you less of a person. The female Orlando could not own land and - when turning down a suitor - was told that she would remain a spinster and, well, lose everything.

Luckily, though, a suitable husband fall right at her feet. Well, actually, her face, seeing that she just fell face down herself. And even more luckily, it turns out she does not actually need him. But whatever I tell you about the story will only make it seem even more confusing than it actually is.

It is lavish and beautiful, with some dramatic use of music.

The only sour note (for me) was that even though the film lists Billy Zane as one of the main actors, he only shows up 1 h and 10 min into the film. And then he departs 12 min later.

7/10

I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang

How's that for a blunt movie title, huh?

The film tells the story of one James Allen, the fugitive in the title. But long before that, Allen returns home from war with dreams of becoming an engineer, work he has trained in in the military. But his mother wants him to take a secure desk job that was lined up for him and enlists the back-up of the parish priest to help talk him into the boring life. But it is no good, he simply must follow his - rather modest - dream.

Then he ends up at the wrong place at the wrong time and gets mistaken for an accomplice in a robbery. For this he is sentenced to 10 years of hard labor. Allen escapes not once, but twice, from this ordeal. After the first time he manages to work his way up in society before being turned in by his mean wife, who blackmailed him into marrying her in the first place by dangling his past over him.

The second escape is much more spectacular, involving guns, an accomplice who dies and dynamite. Following this he descends into paranoia and spends his days running from law enforcement.

Even though the film was made in the days before subtlety become a common acting trade (the faces they all pull!) and everyone involved is easily recognized as either good or bad, it is quite an entertaining watch. It does have occasional spells of dragging on, but is diverting, nonetheless.

6/10

Black Mirror: The Entire History of You

In this episode everyone records what they see through a lens and an implant. That way you can replay any episode from your entire life - maybe to look more closely at the picture that presented itself or to review moments and learn what you could maybe do different in similar situations. Of course, you can also show your daily adventures off to others and get their input.

This instrument then turns into an obsession for a husband who - on closer/second inspection - notices his wife laughing a little more loudly and readily at some other man's joke and how the way she looks at the other guy differs from the way she looks at the husband. From a drunken night and a very uncomfortable conversation, that even the babysitter is drawn into, this spins into a visit to the expected rival.

The situation gets entirely out of hand when the husband realizes that the other man is a former boyfriend of the wife, whom she was not completely honest about. What is more, there is a growing suspicion that the couple's child may not actually be his.

Like so many new electronic inventions that everyone partakes in, this total record of one's life can be both, a blessing and a course.

Again, very intriguing.

7/10

V/H/S 2

This is actually not as bad as the first part. Who'd have thought?

The one story that ties all the others together is of a pair of PI's breaking into a house because they are looking for some college kid and what they find instead is a collection of video tapes. Some of the footage has no business ending up on ancient VHS tapes, but let's leave that aside for a minute.

A few of these stories are sort of intriguing...in a WTF? kind of way.

The guy with the artificial eye, though? Really? It's all well that he sees dead people walking around, but why does the eye camera record them? Isn't there a horror film law against that?

Of course, there would be zombies, as they are all the rage these days. The excuse for the footage here is a camera on the bicycle helmet of a mountain biker. No point asking again why this would end up on a video tape rather than, say, youtube.

I got into the suicide cult one. Here, it actually made total sense that there would be cameras as a team just happened to interview the cult leader when it suddenly "became time" and everyone started killing each other and themselves. Then at some point, the whole episode turns sideways and gets really, really weird. We are again entering zombie territory and what may well be the devil himself makes an appearance.

What is the best way to piss off your sister who is having some friends over on the family jetty, ready to dive into the water at any second? Squirt guns? Water balloons? Seriously? Aren't those people there to get wet? But then, right when your imbecile brothers and their friends (those little shits) are getting really annoying, the aliens arrive.

....and in case you're wondering how long it takes to reach full frontal nudity, the answer is 1 min.

4/10

Black Mirror: Fifteen Million Merits

Of all the futures shown in Black Mirror (yes, I have already watched all episodes available at this point...lagging behind in the blogging department) this is the one that is the most disturbing to me.

Young people earn their keep by riding stationary bikes and live in rooms with vidiwalls surrounding them. The constantly popping up commercials would absolutely freak me out. You can use the merits you earn by riding that stationary bike to skip the ads, but you have to be careful to not use to many of them up as you obviously need them for something bigger.

That something bigger in this case is buying you way into the waiting room of a casting show. If you are unlucky, you don't look appealing enough to actually be called to the stage. This is no first come, first serve situation. Of course, looks and mass appeal are all that matters. It helps if you have some sort of talent, I guess but surely you wouldn't mind taking that top of, honey?

Again, impressive cast (this features Rupert Everett and Downton Abbey's late Lady Sybil).

7/10

Dallas Buyers Club

It pains me to type this but Matthew McConaughey is really freaking great in this. Seriously, what happened there? How did he suddenly end up in all these good films and shows and actually turn in brilliant performances (True Detective, The Wolf of Wall Street)?

The film is based on the true life story of Ron Woodruff. Other main characters in the film (most notably Rayon and Eve) are composites of different people an episodes from Woodruff's life. And talking about brilliant performances...Jared Leto is absolutely awesome in this, as well. In the past (after My So Called Life) he seemed to gravitate towards total weirdness (see: Mr. Nobody) and ugly stories (as in good ugly, see: Requiem for a Dream). This sort of fits both categories quite well, though.

...and he really is the prettiest girl in the room.

As for Jennifer Garner, she is not really given enough material to shine in, being mostly confined to her hospital desk and stuck in scrubs. She ends up being dress-up most of the time, smiling politely. She does that well, mind you.

I now understand why both, McConaughey and Leto got Oscars for their roles in Dallas Buyers Club. But I still think Matthew McConaughey is a weird, weird person.

8/10

Frozen

So, a friend tricked me into watching a musical. I don't like 'em and this is what Frozen is - a musical.

Yeah, it's cute and all. It also has all the funny bits one would expect from a Walt Disney animated film. However, whenever it drifted off into being all serious it lost me. I like my animated films funny. Also, that song that won the Oscar for Best Original Song? It annoys the hell out of me.

I know I go against the majority vote but this was all really just "meh" for me.

Sorry.

5/10

Black Mirror: The National Anthem

You gotta love the Brits, for they make awesome TV shows.

Case in point: Black Mirror.

This show is not a continuous tale but rather a number of episodes set in some not-too-distant future, where virtual reality crazes have reached new heights and everyone's life takes place online as much as in the real world (sometimes more).

In the first episode, a princess (who, from what I can tell has some sort of It-Girl status and is beloved by the masses) is kidnapped and a video of her pleading for her life and reading out a message goes viral immediately. What the kidnapper(s) want(s) is for the British Prime Minister to have sex with a pig, an act which is to be broadcast live.

Despite the premise being so out there, the episode is impeccably cast and the act - when finally, inevitably committed - is sad and desperate.

Quite good, this.

8/10

The ABCs of Death

Here are 26 short films about death.

Each director involved in the project was given one letter of the alphabet to work with. The result is sometimes quite awesome (D) and sometimes boring (G) or even downright stupid (F).

Sadly, the really good stories are few and far between.

Here are the stories in detail:

A is for Apocalypse: The beginning is quite promising, I thought. The apocalypse itself is only hinted at and only shown as a red light outside the window of the room the story (a murder, but - as we learn - out of mercy) takes place in. 6/10

B is for Bigfoot: Also quite good. Here a bed time story about a snow creature coming for the little children - made up on the spot - becomes ghastly reality. Well, sort of. 7/10

C is for Cycle: Weird but still a cool idea. I only found it irritating that the subtitles turned 'Bruno' into 'Bruce' for some reason. 6/10

D is for Dogfight: Brilliant. Gets by without any dialogue. 9/10

E is for Exterminate: Yeah, yeah. A spider. Of course there was going to be something with a spider. Meh. 4/10

F is for Fart: Really? 'Fart' is the one word you come up to build a horror story around? And then it is not even a horror story, just plain stupid. 1/10

G is for Gravity: The height of boredom. 2/10

H is for Hydry-Electric Diffusion: Are those foxes? I've decided they are foxes. One (British?) soldier fox goes into a strip club, where a very hot (apparently) fox is on stage. Unfortunately, she turns out to be a Nazi and wants to electrocute the soldier fox. No, really. 2/10

I is for Ingrown: Woman tied up in a bathtub always makes for decent horror. 5/10

J is for Jidai-geki: A samurai has to execute someone. Very strange laughter, distorted face, buckets of sweat. Japanese weirdness. 3/10

K is for Klutz: A piece of shit. Literally. 1/10

L is for Libido: Torture porn. Actually, torture + porn. 5/10

M is for Miscarriage: This may be the shortest piece of the them all (or maybe that is Gravity). A miscarriage in the toilet. 3/10

N is for Nuptials: Hilarious. 8/10

O is for Orgasm: S&M in all its slo-mo beauty. 7/10

P is for Pressure: Prostitution and kitties. 4/10

Q is for Quack: Yes, killing an animal will totally make your movie better (the movie in the movie, that is). And shooting a duck that sits inside a cage is, like, so manly, too. These two guys are too stupid to manage even that. 4/10

R is for Removed: A patch of skin (?) is removed that is actually a strip of film (?). What is going on here? Also, disgusting. Then the guy, who's skin has been removed pushes a train. Why? Nobody knows. And then it's raining blood. 2/10

S is for Speed: A woman kidnapping another while outrunning some sort of monstrosity, flees in very, very fast car. Then she runs out of gas and the monstrosity catches up with her. He tellsher she can't run forever and takes her hand. She falls down and - back in the real world now - dies from an OD. 4/10

T is for Toilet: Ah, claymation. The toilet spews green goo and turns into a monster. Blood and gore and melting faces. Weirdly fascinating. 6/10

U is for Unearthed; There's the vampire bit. Dug up, hunted by townsfolk, gets teeth pulled, a stake through the heart and head chopped off. Very old school, this. 6/10

V is for Vagitus (The Cry of a Newborn Baby): A robot warrior thing bites a baby's head off. 3/10

W is for WTF!: Movie makers (presumably) that have been given the W discuss the possibility of the letter. So meta. Also, clown zombies. WTF indeed. 1/10

X is for XXL: An overweight woman getting attacked and shamed by everyone she encounters. They're all French, so the being an asshole bit comes easy to them. Said woman then stuffs her face with everything in the must disgusting manner. Then she performs some DIY plastic (?) surgery on herself. Gross. 3/10

Y is for Youngbuck: A creepy janitor is really into the sweat of teenage boys. And hunting. This is like a horrifying music video. 2/10

Z is for Zetsumetsu (Extinction): Sushi, woman in Nazi uniform, a Japanese guy channeling Dr. Strangelove, a huge dildo and a food fight. 2/10

Nebraska

Alexander Payne is channeling David Lynch's The Straight Story here.

Whereas old Mr. Straight from Iowa was off on his a lawnmower to visit his brother Wisconsin, who had recently had a stroke and whom he had not spoken to for years, old Mr. Grant tries to get from Billings, MT, to Lincoln, NE, and - also lacking a licence - sets off on foot to collect a promised prize of $ 1,000,000,--.

Of course, nobody besides him is fooled by the mailing promising the money and his family tries to talk him out of it, but his son David realizes that his father simply must do this, if not for the money than out of principle and drives him. Along the way, they run into a few difficulties like head wounds and lost teeth and end up having to shackle up in Mr. Grant's hometown. There, talk of him being a millionaire is making the rounds and everyone is lining up to get a piece of the action. And no persuading from David's side that his dad has not actually won anything can stop it. It is only when the cousins mug the pair and steal the coveted letter that the truth finally hits home with the small town folks, but not with David's dad.

In the end, they make it to the address given to learn that - as expected - Mr. Grant did not actually have one of the winning numbers. He gets a hat for his troubles.

Much like The Straight Story, this is a quiet and slow paced journey that has a man reconnect with his family. Also, it portrays the difficult relationship between the lifelong hard drinking father and his two sons, that may be better off with the old man in constant care. But along the way, they all realize how solid their family bond actually is when faced with the adversaries of people trying to get their hands on the imaginary loot. Together, they even try to steal a compressor before realizing that they stole from the wrong person.

The black and white gives this a slightly bleak but also very calm feel and the acting from all involved is really wonderful. Who knew Bruce Dern as the quietly stubborn father is wonderful and got a well-deserved Oscar nomination for this. June Squibb (as his wife and also Oscar nominated), who I don't remember having seen before, is fantastic. Bob Odenkirk has a small role as David's brother and does that well, of course. And who knew Will Forte had a serious role in him? Also in a supporting role here is Stacy Keach (I didn't even know whether he was still alive, to be honest) as one of the old friends lining up for money after having people first applaud old Grant by announcing the money won and later has everyone laughing at the old man by reading out the mailing that - obvious to everyone but Mr. Grant - is nothing more than a marketing scheme.

This is really wonderful and I hope someone involved wins something tonight.

8/10

Which brings us to the current ranking of the Best Picture nominees I have seen so far (which should not be misunderstood as a tip for tonight - I do believe that 12 Years a Slave will win, although I am still rooting for Gravity and hoping that American Hustle does not pull off a surprise):

Gravity
Captain Philips
Nebraska
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street
American Hustle