Barbarella

Barbarella is called upon by the President of the Republic of Earth to find the runaway mad scientist Duran-Duran and bring him back to earth before he destroys, well, everything with his newly created weapon (a ray of some sort, I forget).

But first, she must undress in zero gravity, very slowly, to music.

Throughout the remainder of the film, she will change from one skimpy outfit to the next and sleep with every man that helps her in any way (more or less). Also, she is the ditziest of blondes.

Then the peace-loving earthling is given weapons for her mission. This does not make her particularly happy, but she takes off in her spaceship anyway. The inside of the spaceship appears to be covered in muppet skin (Fozzy Bear) or deep shag carpeting.

Barbarella crash lands on her target planet, where she is taken by a group of children, tied up in a cave and attacked by creepy dolls. She is, however, saved in the nick of time by a catcher who - you guessed it - catches children. As a thanks he suggests sex, but not the new, clean earth kind, but the savage old-fashioned way. This is so old, it is new to Barbarella, but she concedes. She loves it.

Next she crashes into the labyrinth, the exile in which all the good creatures live. One of them is a blind angel. With her spaceship all trashed, she looks to him for help. Alas, he has lost the desire to fly. The solution for this particular problem is sex, of course. ('An angel doesn't make love. An angel is love.')

Revived by this encounter he flies Barbarella to her final destination. Basically a creepy, bad town, run by the great tyrant, who turns out to be a woman. Among the things that happen next are: the angel gets crucified, which elicits the wonderful line, "De-crucify him or I will melt your face!", Barbarella joins the revolution (led by a rather hapless idiot), she gets 'tortured' by the concierge by a sort of organ that will kill her with physical pleasure. Also, the concierge is Duran-Duran and he wants to get rid of the great tyrant to take over this planet and then maybe the earth and then, who knows?, the entire universe.

Big shoot-out.

Barbarella and the great tyrant are flown to safety by the blind angel, who has been previously tortured by the tyrant, but 'An angel has no memory'.

The End

No, seriously.

2/10