Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Three weeks until asteroid 'Matilda' annihilates all life on earth. Two people meeting by chance try to help each other in tying up some loose ends.

Any charm this might have had gets sucked out by Keira Knightly.

Weirdly boring.

Nice music, though.

2/10

Deck the Halls

One last brainless Christmas comedy before the season ends. This one is Matthew Broderick vs. Danny DeVito, two angry neighbors. Broderick, obviously, is the uptight one who is used to being 'The Christmas Guy' upset about DeVito's strive to make his house visible from outer space by the use of Christmas lights.

Yes, it is as shallow as it sounds.

Funniest bit:
The two men washing their eyes out with holy water because they have just seen their daughters dancing in skimpy dresses and cheered them on before they realized who they were.

Also, Kal Penn has a tiny (uncredited) role in this. I love Kal Penn.

3/10

The Joneses

The family Jones is made up of a group of pretty people that practice stealth marketing. They represent everything their neighbors want to be and as a result, improve sales figures for whatever new product they are assigned to push.

The mother power walks in the niftiest new clothes, the father mows the lawns in the newest mowers, the kids flash all their great new stuff around school and for their new friends. And the friends and neighbors bite...whether they can afford to or not.

Of course, the marketing concept gets the proper Hollywood treatment - an illicit affair, the token gay character, real romance and the big tragedy that finally cracks the shiny front the family unit put up.

Personally, I would have preferred less shine and a little bit more grit to the story. In the end it is all just as shallow as the values the Joneses sell.

3/10

Scrooged

I love this film. I watch it every year at Christmas. Every! Year!

Yes, it exploits every Christmas sentiment and it features run-of-the-mill jokes. But it has the power to reduce me to a crying mess. The scene when little Calvin starts to talk again at the end gets me every single time.

The story is the standard one. Francis Cross (Bill Murray) is a heartless network president that makes people work on a live show on Christmas Eve and has no quarrels about firing people around Christmas and giving a cheap towel to his little brother as a present.

As Ebeneezer Scrooge, Cross gets visited by three ghosts.

The ghost of Christmas past is a taxi driver that takes him back to his childhood days and the initial meeting and subsequent loss of the potential love of his life, Claire, who is everything Cross is not - kind, selfless and bighearted.

The ghost of Christmas present takes a more direct approach, in as much that she keeps hurting him - head butts, kicks in the balls and on the chin. She shows him that not everyone is as fortunate and cynical as he is. The ghost is played by Carol Kane, who is absolutely hilarious in this role.

The ghost of Christmas future is a rather frightful creature showing him a bleak future for him and all the people close to him. This one, of course, makes Cross realize that he needs to change his ways.

The grand finale features the new and improved Cross giving a heartfelt speech about the real meaning of Christmas, the reunion with Claire and everyone breaking into song, doing a group rendition of Put a Little Love in Your Heart.

Watched it. I will have my presents now!

8/10

Seven Psychopaths

This is possibly the most ridiculous film I have seen this year.

It is the story of screen writer Marty (Colin Farrell), who is stuck in writing his latest screen play and also has a serious alcohol problem. His best friend is Billy (Sam Rockwell), an all-out weirdo who makes a living kidnapping dogs and having the more trustworthy looking Hans (Christopher Walken) return them for "lost dog" rewards.

One day they acquire little Shih Tzu Bunny. Bunny turns out to be owned by gangster Charlie, who loves and misses his little doggy so vewy, vewy much.

And then...all hell breaks loose.

Scenes from a screen play in progress, gun violence, incompetent criminals, weird rabbit stroking psychopaths (Tom! Waits!), former Viet Cong posing as murderous priests, imaginary shoot-outs, actual shoot-outs and - most hilariously - a man refusing to put up his hands when faced with a machine gun wielding henchman.

6/10

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Nothing is as heartwarming around Christmas time as a tale involving a small community, a group of children and the real Santa Claus. Santa Claus is, of course, a monster that does not reward the good kids but punishes the bad ones.

When Santa is excavated in some mountain area in Lapland, reindeer (and the excavation team) get killed and children disappear. This courtesy of Santa's Little Helpers, who look slightly scary.

A group of locals first try to extort money from the man who originally paid for the up-digging but once they realize that the man in custody is not actually Santa himself and, well, their kids are gone, they decide to take action. Santa is still frozen inside a huge block of ice and all the radiators his minions have stolen are simply not fast enough to unfreeze him before the men put the plan devised by the one left child into action.

The young boy plays bait and (together with a cargo made up from all the other, recently discovered, children of the town) lures Santa's Little Helpers away from the shed the block of ice is stored in. While they are well away from any danger, Santa gets blown to bits. His Little Helpers get retrained over the next year and are exported to serve as traditional Santa Clauses all over the world.

Christmas is saved!

6/10

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Two warnings about this film:

1) The book Salmon Fishing in the Yemen was dreadfully uneventful.
2) The film is directed by Lasse Hallström, who is not known for fast-paced filmmaking.

Thankfully, there is Kristin Scott Thomas to lighten the mood a bit becasue, quite frankly, without her there would be barely any sort of comic relief in this.

Admittedly, I barely remember the novel (tried to forget it, really). For example, I cannot remember an attempt on the Sheik's life in the book. I don't think the literary Alfred saved anybody's life.

Nothing to write home about, this.

On the plus side (besides Ms. Scott Thomas), the film features some nice scenery and Conleth Hill, whom you might know as Lord Varys in Game of Thrones.

2/10

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

You know that Gollum figure that Dr. Sheldon Cooper has on his desk at home in The Big Bang Theory? I have that, too. I love Gollum. Unconditionally. Now imagine how happy it made me that he shared a wonderful scene with Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit. Yes, very happy.

Actually, the whole film made me happy because it was far more entertaining (and funny too!) than I expected. See, I had my doubts about turning a book of under 400 pages into a trilogy. The advantage (if you want to call it that) of the concept, though, is that you can stay really close to the source material. J.R.R. Tolkien also left a treasure of stories about the history of Middle Earth that you could always use to butter up the films. After all, it is a tale that Bilbo writes down for Frodo and we all know that Bilbo is fond of telling tales.

The actual film throws you right back into the LOTR universe, even starting off like The Fellowship of the Ring, with Bilbo preparing for his 111th birthday, before the tale of the dwarves and Bilbo defeating Smaug the dragon even begins.

It felt so good to be back in Middle Earth and if you loved the LOTR films (like I did) you will appreciate the return of some of the characters you know (Elrond, Galadriel, Saruman and, yes, Gollum). The Orks get their share of screen time, as do many, many Goblins - both groups led by newly introduced monstrocities (ugly, so ugly).

But the film is far from perfect.

I am not a fan of musicals or people just breaking out in song in a film. For example, though I love the song "Que sera, sera" (like we all do, surely), I do not quite see the point of Doris Day belting it out in a Hitchcock film. The folks of Middle Earth like songs, as we learned from the books. I can't quite express my enormous gratitude to Peter Jackson for not using the entire Tom Bombadil song in LOTR and mostly sparing us singing in general (with one exception in the extended version of The Fellowship, if I remember correctly). This time around he was not so kind. There is singing. Not much of it, but still. However, I do have to admit that I did like the sad lament the dwarves sang in Bilbo's house.

The other bit that irked me (and this one really, really irked me) was this: the dwarves all looked like we expect them to look, the way they look in LOTR, the way Gimli looks....sort of gnomish, with large noses and extensive hair/beard combos. All but one. The leader of the dwarves, Thorin, does not. He looks like one of the humans, shrunk to dwarf size, with trimmed beard and awesome hair. Even though it may be nice to have one dwarf that is easy on the eyes, it feels like a cheat. So, the heroic one looks kinda nice but his pack looks weird. I'm not sure I like the message that sends.

Alright then, here comes my big confession (and I never thought I would say/write this): I liked the 3D effects. You may know that I am not a fan of 3D and so far have never seen a 3D film that warranted the use of it. Sure, it's nice when you see stones hurled at you while Alice falls down the rabbit hole, but mostly it's just static structures in sharper outline and we pay more on our tickets for that. But this was something else, because Middle Earth has such impressive landscapes and architecture, even in 2D, that it gains a lot from the extra dimension. I especially liked the way it made the mines look.

Lord of the Rings this is not, but it is definitely worth seeing.

8/10

The Hot Potato

When a facility owned by GB's Ministry of Defence is destroyed, Danny and Kenny come into possession of a lump of Uranium discovered in the debris.

As soon as they realize what they have, they try to sell it. This involves meeting with an array of shady characters across Europe (in Bruges, Ostend, Luxembourg, Rome etc.) all the while being 'helped' by a German named - wait for it - Fritz. And everyone knows you can't trust a German (the filmmakers' words, not mine).

The film is based on true events (or so they claim) and is a throwback to 1960s crime caper films featuring a wonderful cast. My favorite(s): 'the twins' and, obviously, Ray Winstone.

6/10

Magic

Fact...
Before he was Hannibal Lecter, larger than life criminal mastermind, Anthony Hopkins was a much younger, worried criminal.

Fact...
Dummies are creepy. In any film involving ventriloquism, the dummy will take control over the ventriloquist and make him do evil, illegal things.

Fact...
Even if you have no idea who Ed Lauter is, you have probably seen him before. Many times.

Fact...
Richard Attenborough can tell a decent stories in a much, much smaller context than his later film, Gandhi.

Fact...
Anthony Hopkins has a hairy chest. Not sure I ever needed to know that.

4/10

Rollerball

The year is 2018, the world is run by corporations and the preferred sport is Rollerball, which claims several victims in the name of entertainment. The superstar of the sport is Jonathan E. His career is singular in its longevity and brilliance. This poses a problem for the big bosses of the corporations, because singularity is frowned upon. Jonathan E is asked to retire from the sport, which he refuses.

Over the course of the season, he starts to question not only the way things are done but also the sport, that made him a hero to the masses, itself. The rules of the game get more and more lenient, in hopes that Jonathan will not make it out of an upcoming game, so as to solve the problem of his refusal to succumb to corporation's wishes.

In the end, it all boils down to the showdown between Jonathan's team Houston and New York. Fittingly, for any 1970s action film, the hero gets his revenge by surviving.

It's always adorable what filmmakers of the 1970s (and before) imagined the future to look like and the items and gadgets they thought would evolve and the ones that would not - like, you know, roller skates.

4/10 

The Trip

You will probably get more out of this film if you know the two lead actors. Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon play themselves on a food tasting trip together for The Observer.

Whereas Coogan has appeared in international productions, Brydon is probably not as widely known, internationally, I think.

I am a fan of the show QI, on which Brydon is a regular, so I was familiar with him before watching this. I very much like his "little man in a box" voice (it does turn up in the film).

Basically, this is about two comedians in their 40s who are critizising each other's work while trying to get through a string of meals and occasionally getting on each other's nerves. It features a lot of impressions (Michael Caine) and made up conversations (the "To bed! We shall leave at daybreak!" bit in the car is quite funny) as well as occasional singing.

Small road trip film that I enjoyed a lot.

6/10 

You Only Live Twice

Outerspace kidnapping! Piranhas! Ninjas! Blofeld!

Forget what I said about Thunderball having the most ridiculous opening of any James Bond film. This beats it. An American spacecraft gets kidnapped - in outerspace! SPECTRE honcho Ernst Stavros Blofeld wants to ignite a war between the US and the USSR. This in the midst of not only the Cold War but also the race to space between the two superpowers.

James Bond, meanwhile, dies.

Of course he doesn't. This is only to shake some of his enemies off his back. This works on a couple of Blofeld's associates, but the big cheese knows Bond is alive. His no. 11 gets fed to the piranhas for failing to kill Bond.

For some really, really covert business, Bond has to turn into a married Japanese ninja. Obviously. His disguise sports the following reaction: What? That's Sean Connery? Well, I never. This disguise is.....crap.

Bond and his fake wife Kissy Suzuki discover a secret rocket base that Bond enters. He gets discovered (so much for the fancy dress-up), but manages to escape and let in his fellow ninjas and together they save the world from a US/USSR war. In the midst of all this we see Blofeld himself for the very first time, here played by Donald Pleasence

The script for this film was written by Roald Dahl. I declare this the most ridiculous of Bond films (up to this point).

3/10

Gambit

Gambit is the remake of the 1966 film of the same name (starring Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine). Without having seen the original I dare say that the newer version is only very losely based on the older one.

Colin Firth is employed by art loving asshole Alan Rickman and - with the help of Texan cowgirl Cameron Diaz - tries to con him into buying a forgery of a painting Rickman is searching for. Firth is rather hapless (or is he?) and things go off the rails almost immediately.

In the end, the small employee gets his revenge - in a different way than  expected.

Firth is his usual charming and handsome self, Alan Rickman is Alan Rickman and Cameron Diaz is, yet again, dress up in another of the mediocre comedies she appears to be stuck in.

Nothing to write home about.

3/10