Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Three weeks until asteroid 'Matilda' annihilates all life on earth. Two people meeting by chance try to help each other in tying up some loose ends.

Any charm this might have had gets sucked out by Keira Knightly.

Weirdly boring.

Nice music, though.

2/10

Deck the Halls

One last brainless Christmas comedy before the season ends. This one is Matthew Broderick vs. Danny DeVito, two angry neighbors. Broderick, obviously, is the uptight one who is used to being 'The Christmas Guy' upset about DeVito's strive to make his house visible from outer space by the use of Christmas lights.

Yes, it is as shallow as it sounds.

Funniest bit:
The two men washing their eyes out with holy water because they have just seen their daughters dancing in skimpy dresses and cheered them on before they realized who they were.

Also, Kal Penn has a tiny (uncredited) role in this. I love Kal Penn.

3/10

The Joneses

The family Jones is made up of a group of pretty people that practice stealth marketing. They represent everything their neighbors want to be and as a result, improve sales figures for whatever new product they are assigned to push.

The mother power walks in the niftiest new clothes, the father mows the lawns in the newest mowers, the kids flash all their great new stuff around school and for their new friends. And the friends and neighbors bite...whether they can afford to or not.

Of course, the marketing concept gets the proper Hollywood treatment - an illicit affair, the token gay character, real romance and the big tragedy that finally cracks the shiny front the family unit put up.

Personally, I would have preferred less shine and a little bit more grit to the story. In the end it is all just as shallow as the values the Joneses sell.

3/10

Scrooged

I love this film. I watch it every year at Christmas. Every! Year!

Yes, it exploits every Christmas sentiment and it features run-of-the-mill jokes. But it has the power to reduce me to a crying mess. The scene when little Calvin starts to talk again at the end gets me every single time.

The story is the standard one. Francis Cross (Bill Murray) is a heartless network president that makes people work on a live show on Christmas Eve and has no quarrels about firing people around Christmas and giving a cheap towel to his little brother as a present.

As Ebeneezer Scrooge, Cross gets visited by three ghosts.

The ghost of Christmas past is a taxi driver that takes him back to his childhood days and the initial meeting and subsequent loss of the potential love of his life, Claire, who is everything Cross is not - kind, selfless and bighearted.

The ghost of Christmas present takes a more direct approach, in as much that she keeps hurting him - head butts, kicks in the balls and on the chin. She shows him that not everyone is as fortunate and cynical as he is. The ghost is played by Carol Kane, who is absolutely hilarious in this role.

The ghost of Christmas future is a rather frightful creature showing him a bleak future for him and all the people close to him. This one, of course, makes Cross realize that he needs to change his ways.

The grand finale features the new and improved Cross giving a heartfelt speech about the real meaning of Christmas, the reunion with Claire and everyone breaking into song, doing a group rendition of Put a Little Love in Your Heart.

Watched it. I will have my presents now!

8/10

Seven Psychopaths

This is possibly the most ridiculous film I have seen this year.

It is the story of screen writer Marty (Colin Farrell), who is stuck in writing his latest screen play and also has a serious alcohol problem. His best friend is Billy (Sam Rockwell), an all-out weirdo who makes a living kidnapping dogs and having the more trustworthy looking Hans (Christopher Walken) return them for "lost dog" rewards.

One day they acquire little Shih Tzu Bunny. Bunny turns out to be owned by gangster Charlie, who loves and misses his little doggy so vewy, vewy much.

And then...all hell breaks loose.

Scenes from a screen play in progress, gun violence, incompetent criminals, weird rabbit stroking psychopaths (Tom! Waits!), former Viet Cong posing as murderous priests, imaginary shoot-outs, actual shoot-outs and - most hilariously - a man refusing to put up his hands when faced with a machine gun wielding henchman.

6/10

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Nothing is as heartwarming around Christmas time as a tale involving a small community, a group of children and the real Santa Claus. Santa Claus is, of course, a monster that does not reward the good kids but punishes the bad ones.

When Santa is excavated in some mountain area in Lapland, reindeer (and the excavation team) get killed and children disappear. This courtesy of Santa's Little Helpers, who look slightly scary.

A group of locals first try to extort money from the man who originally paid for the up-digging but once they realize that the man in custody is not actually Santa himself and, well, their kids are gone, they decide to take action. Santa is still frozen inside a huge block of ice and all the radiators his minions have stolen are simply not fast enough to unfreeze him before the men put the plan devised by the one left child into action.

The young boy plays bait and (together with a cargo made up from all the other, recently discovered, children of the town) lures Santa's Little Helpers away from the shed the block of ice is stored in. While they are well away from any danger, Santa gets blown to bits. His Little Helpers get retrained over the next year and are exported to serve as traditional Santa Clauses all over the world.

Christmas is saved!

6/10

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Two warnings about this film:

1) The book Salmon Fishing in the Yemen was dreadfully uneventful.
2) The film is directed by Lasse Hallström, who is not known for fast-paced filmmaking.

Thankfully, there is Kristin Scott Thomas to lighten the mood a bit becasue, quite frankly, without her there would be barely any sort of comic relief in this.

Admittedly, I barely remember the novel (tried to forget it, really). For example, I cannot remember an attempt on the Sheik's life in the book. I don't think the literary Alfred saved anybody's life.

Nothing to write home about, this.

On the plus side (besides Ms. Scott Thomas), the film features some nice scenery and Conleth Hill, whom you might know as Lord Varys in Game of Thrones.

2/10

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

You know that Gollum figure that Dr. Sheldon Cooper has on his desk at home in The Big Bang Theory? I have that, too. I love Gollum. Unconditionally. Now imagine how happy it made me that he shared a wonderful scene with Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit. Yes, very happy.

Actually, the whole film made me happy because it was far more entertaining (and funny too!) than I expected. See, I had my doubts about turning a book of under 400 pages into a trilogy. The advantage (if you want to call it that) of the concept, though, is that you can stay really close to the source material. J.R.R. Tolkien also left a treasure of stories about the history of Middle Earth that you could always use to butter up the films. After all, it is a tale that Bilbo writes down for Frodo and we all know that Bilbo is fond of telling tales.

The actual film throws you right back into the LOTR universe, even starting off like The Fellowship of the Ring, with Bilbo preparing for his 111th birthday, before the tale of the dwarves and Bilbo defeating Smaug the dragon even begins.

It felt so good to be back in Middle Earth and if you loved the LOTR films (like I did) you will appreciate the return of some of the characters you know (Elrond, Galadriel, Saruman and, yes, Gollum). The Orks get their share of screen time, as do many, many Goblins - both groups led by newly introduced monstrocities (ugly, so ugly).

But the film is far from perfect.

I am not a fan of musicals or people just breaking out in song in a film. For example, though I love the song "Que sera, sera" (like we all do, surely), I do not quite see the point of Doris Day belting it out in a Hitchcock film. The folks of Middle Earth like songs, as we learned from the books. I can't quite express my enormous gratitude to Peter Jackson for not using the entire Tom Bombadil song in LOTR and mostly sparing us singing in general (with one exception in the extended version of The Fellowship, if I remember correctly). This time around he was not so kind. There is singing. Not much of it, but still. However, I do have to admit that I did like the sad lament the dwarves sang in Bilbo's house.

The other bit that irked me (and this one really, really irked me) was this: the dwarves all looked like we expect them to look, the way they look in LOTR, the way Gimli looks....sort of gnomish, with large noses and extensive hair/beard combos. All but one. The leader of the dwarves, Thorin, does not. He looks like one of the humans, shrunk to dwarf size, with trimmed beard and awesome hair. Even though it may be nice to have one dwarf that is easy on the eyes, it feels like a cheat. So, the heroic one looks kinda nice but his pack looks weird. I'm not sure I like the message that sends.

Alright then, here comes my big confession (and I never thought I would say/write this): I liked the 3D effects. You may know that I am not a fan of 3D and so far have never seen a 3D film that warranted the use of it. Sure, it's nice when you see stones hurled at you while Alice falls down the rabbit hole, but mostly it's just static structures in sharper outline and we pay more on our tickets for that. But this was something else, because Middle Earth has such impressive landscapes and architecture, even in 2D, that it gains a lot from the extra dimension. I especially liked the way it made the mines look.

Lord of the Rings this is not, but it is definitely worth seeing.

8/10

The Hot Potato

When a facility owned by GB's Ministry of Defence is destroyed, Danny and Kenny come into possession of a lump of Uranium discovered in the debris.

As soon as they realize what they have, they try to sell it. This involves meeting with an array of shady characters across Europe (in Bruges, Ostend, Luxembourg, Rome etc.) all the while being 'helped' by a German named - wait for it - Fritz. And everyone knows you can't trust a German (the filmmakers' words, not mine).

The film is based on true events (or so they claim) and is a throwback to 1960s crime caper films featuring a wonderful cast. My favorite(s): 'the twins' and, obviously, Ray Winstone.

6/10

Magic

Fact...
Before he was Hannibal Lecter, larger than life criminal mastermind, Anthony Hopkins was a much younger, worried criminal.

Fact...
Dummies are creepy. In any film involving ventriloquism, the dummy will take control over the ventriloquist and make him do evil, illegal things.

Fact...
Even if you have no idea who Ed Lauter is, you have probably seen him before. Many times.

Fact...
Richard Attenborough can tell a decent stories in a much, much smaller context than his later film, Gandhi.

Fact...
Anthony Hopkins has a hairy chest. Not sure I ever needed to know that.

4/10

Rollerball

The year is 2018, the world is run by corporations and the preferred sport is Rollerball, which claims several victims in the name of entertainment. The superstar of the sport is Jonathan E. His career is singular in its longevity and brilliance. This poses a problem for the big bosses of the corporations, because singularity is frowned upon. Jonathan E is asked to retire from the sport, which he refuses.

Over the course of the season, he starts to question not only the way things are done but also the sport, that made him a hero to the masses, itself. The rules of the game get more and more lenient, in hopes that Jonathan will not make it out of an upcoming game, so as to solve the problem of his refusal to succumb to corporation's wishes.

In the end, it all boils down to the showdown between Jonathan's team Houston and New York. Fittingly, for any 1970s action film, the hero gets his revenge by surviving.

It's always adorable what filmmakers of the 1970s (and before) imagined the future to look like and the items and gadgets they thought would evolve and the ones that would not - like, you know, roller skates.

4/10 

The Trip

You will probably get more out of this film if you know the two lead actors. Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon play themselves on a food tasting trip together for The Observer.

Whereas Coogan has appeared in international productions, Brydon is probably not as widely known, internationally, I think.

I am a fan of the show QI, on which Brydon is a regular, so I was familiar with him before watching this. I very much like his "little man in a box" voice (it does turn up in the film).

Basically, this is about two comedians in their 40s who are critizising each other's work while trying to get through a string of meals and occasionally getting on each other's nerves. It features a lot of impressions (Michael Caine) and made up conversations (the "To bed! We shall leave at daybreak!" bit in the car is quite funny) as well as occasional singing.

Small road trip film that I enjoyed a lot.

6/10 

You Only Live Twice

Outerspace kidnapping! Piranhas! Ninjas! Blofeld!

Forget what I said about Thunderball having the most ridiculous opening of any James Bond film. This beats it. An American spacecraft gets kidnapped - in outerspace! SPECTRE honcho Ernst Stavros Blofeld wants to ignite a war between the US and the USSR. This in the midst of not only the Cold War but also the race to space between the two superpowers.

James Bond, meanwhile, dies.

Of course he doesn't. This is only to shake some of his enemies off his back. This works on a couple of Blofeld's associates, but the big cheese knows Bond is alive. His no. 11 gets fed to the piranhas for failing to kill Bond.

For some really, really covert business, Bond has to turn into a married Japanese ninja. Obviously. His disguise sports the following reaction: What? That's Sean Connery? Well, I never. This disguise is.....crap.

Bond and his fake wife Kissy Suzuki discover a secret rocket base that Bond enters. He gets discovered (so much for the fancy dress-up), but manages to escape and let in his fellow ninjas and together they save the world from a US/USSR war. In the midst of all this we see Blofeld himself for the very first time, here played by Donald Pleasence

The script for this film was written by Roald Dahl. I declare this the most ridiculous of Bond films (up to this point).

3/10

Gambit

Gambit is the remake of the 1966 film of the same name (starring Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine). Without having seen the original I dare say that the newer version is only very losely based on the older one.

Colin Firth is employed by art loving asshole Alan Rickman and - with the help of Texan cowgirl Cameron Diaz - tries to con him into buying a forgery of a painting Rickman is searching for. Firth is rather hapless (or is he?) and things go off the rails almost immediately.

In the end, the small employee gets his revenge - in a different way than  expected.

Firth is his usual charming and handsome self, Alan Rickman is Alan Rickman and Cameron Diaz is, yet again, dress up in another of the mediocre comedies she appears to be stuck in.

Nothing to write home about.

3/10

Argo

Think what you will of Ben Affleck's quality as an actor, but the man is a brilliant director. I will fight you tooth and nail on that. He has to date made three feature films and I enjoyed all of them immensely. Actually, I believe he got better with every film.

Anyway, my point is Argo is a great, great film.
It tells the true story of a covert mission to free six American citizens hiding in the residence of the Canadian ambassador to Iran. The six individuals fled the US embassy in 1979, while it was being stormed by angered Iranians that demanded that the US return the former Shah so that he could be properly tried in Iran. In the ensuing chaos the fact that six personnel of the embassy are missing goes unnoticed for quite some time.

Meanwhile, back in Washington the government together with the CIA is trying to devise a plan to free them. The plan they eventually go with is so ridiculous yet still makes more sense than some of the other options they entertain. The plan is to pretend to make a sci-fi film called Argo and pass the six off as part of a film production group scouting locations in Iran. To make this airtight a production company is formed, offices and all, a producer is found and actors are cast to perform a table reading for press.

They really did this in 1980 and the operation remained classified until the late 1990s. Up until then people were led to believe that the coup was thought up and put into action by Canada.

The climax will have you worried, even though you know that they will eventually all get to safety.

9/10

Thunderball

Could this be the James Bond film with the most ridiculous opening ever?

007 fights with and kills a guy in drag, fresh from a funeral where he/she pretended to be his own widow. Afterwards, the agent flies off in a jetback and drives off in a car with an installed water cannon he and his female companion use on the bad guys. And all of this happens before Tom Jones even belts out the theme song.

Of course, it has nothing at all to do with the film to come. The über-villain is once again Blofeld, in the context of this operation referred to as "no. 1". While meeting with his other numbered associates he sits behind a garage door like barrier, lowered only to cover his face. Through the joints one can see him with - *gasp!* - hair. Also, he is stroking his ever present white cat.

"No. 2" aka Emilio Largo turns out to be the villian Bond needs to fight. Finally! A bad guy with an eye patch!

The plot is yet again straight forward - SPECTRE steals two atomic warheads from a NATO plane to use as a means of extortion. James Bond spends most of the film breaking into hotel rooms and running around in shorts - we are, after all, in the Bahamas. He is assisted in his trials to retrieve the warheads (operation "Thunderball") by an old chum working for the CIA, named Felix and sporting big hair. The resident Bond girl is nicknamed "Domino", continuing the string of rather laughably named females.

All in all, despite its obvious flaws, this film is rather enjoyable. Q has a lovely scene with 007, in which he can live out his adorable grumpiness.

4/10

Bottle Shock

A light hearted comedy about the early days of Californian wine making, based on true events.

It evolves around an event that is now referred to as "Judgement of Paris". Apparently, the story of Steve Spurrier's travels to Napa Valley to bring American wines to France for a tasting (competing against French wines, of course) is only a very loose interpretation of what actually happened. This according to Mr. Spurrier himself.

Whatever the case, the film itself - true or not - is charming and has a pretty interesting cast. Spurrier is played by the always wonderful Alan Rickman. Besides him it features Bill Pullman, Chris Pine, Freddy Rodriguez and a very brief appearance by Bradley Whitford (brownie points!).

Chris Pine looks pretty awful as a young surfer dude (but, unsurprisingly, gets the girl). Other than that, the stellar cast makes this worth a watch - possibly more so than the story itself, which is more or less reduced to classic US patriotism.

We showed them French people!

4/10

James Bond Infographic

Invaders from Mars

I'm a sucker for sci-fi films of the 1950s-1970s. Futuristic gadgets that were only imagined at the time usually looked nothing like the real thing realized years, or even decades, later. Scientists were smartly dressed men that could get the girl anytime. We've come a long way towards the tech nerds sitting in basements, haven't we?

Invaders from Mars was made in a simpler time. Here grown-ups would still listen to little kids like David when they tell their stories of space ships and sand pits swallowing people that later reappear changed into robotic shells lacking all humanity.

See, David is a good child with friends in high places. His father (seemingly the first victim of the space invaders) is, after all, a rocket scientist and his young son was always looking through telescopes and listened closely to what the smart scientists had to say.

When he tries to alert the athorities he first stumbles into some unpleasent situations since the invaders work rapidly and get to some people before David does. He does find help from a beautiful young female psychiatrist and one of the aforementioned smartly dressed scientists that alert the military (obviously) after hearing David's tale.

In combat, the brave few fight off the green (!) Martians, apparently descended upon the earth to sabotage an atomic rocket. The aliens leave. Day = saved.

Or is it?

The ending calls the whole story into question. Maybe all was just in David's dream? Or maybe he had a prophetic dream? Oh my God, could he be stuck in an infinite nightmare-loop?!

5/10

Goldfinger

Goldfinger marks the first Bond film in which a renowned artist sings the so-called Bond theme. The wonderful Shirley Bassey eventually sang three Bond themes, this one probably being my favorite.

It also marks a rather unfortunate beginning for 007 himself. First, he wears a onesie, then he shows off some back hair (ew!) and he gets his lover killed. She looks very pretty when dead, of course, covered all in gold. This also started the believe that a body covered in gold dies from 'epidermal suffocation' unless you leave a patch of skin on the neck uncovered. Whereas it is possible for toxins or bacteria could enter the body through the skin pores and can lead to injury and in the worst case death, it is highly unlikely to happen in the manner depicted. But it does look pretty.

We also have the first villain played by a respected character actor, making bond villain quite an interesting gig. The late Gert Fröbe plays Auric Goldfinger, aided by his henchman/bodyguard Oddjob (and his murderous hat!). The Bond girl in this has the to date most ridiculous name (and still the legendary one) - Pussy Galore.

And on top of it all, Goldfinger also features another well-remembered scene - Bond gets straped to a table and a laser threatens to cut him in half - you know the one I am talking about. Q also gave James Bond a pimped up car to play with (and ruin).

For all the above, this remains one of the highlights of the series and one of the best Bond films to date.

9/10

The Expendables 2

The sequel to Expendables features everybody (except for Steven Seagal, luckily), this time even Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris. The latter is in it just to be in it. Pure courtesy. His character is of no significance to the story.

As for the story, Stallone and his gang (oh, Lundgren, you are awesome) are blackmailed into retrieving....oh, never mind. Nobody watches this for the plot, which is as insignificant as Chuck Norris.

It's fighting, shooting, bad jokes ("I'll be back.", "Yippie-ka-yay.", something about Rambo) and bad acting. An homage to good old no-nonsense 1980s action films.

Here's a picture of Dolph Lundgren. You're welcome.

(cannot be measured in stars)

Amen. aka Der Stellvertreter

The film Amen. is about an officer of the SS, aided by a priest, trying to alert the catholic church, opposing nations, anyone of the atrocities commited on the Jews in WWII Germany. It is based on true events, although the accuracy of the portrayal of the catholic church is under some scrutiny.

The film does spare out the actual gassing of Jews and is generelly very sparse on grisly imagery. Instead, it shows German military officials, well off people and religious figures having lavish meals as well as hurried meetings.

The cast is from across Europe, heavy on the German side (and it is always strange to hear Germans talking to other Germans in heavily accented English). The SS officer is played by Ulrich Tukur (wonderfully so) and the priest is portrayed by Mathieu Kassovitz (handsome, so handsome). The evil side is represented by the late, and always brilliant, Ulrich Mühe.

The most impressive images, for me anyway, are shots of trains going through scenery with empty cattle cars, followed by closed - and supposedly full - cars a few minutes later. This is repeated throughout the whole film to represent the incomprehensible numbers of people being transported to the concentration camps and - for most - to their deaths.

6/10

Tabu

Tabu is a feature film by Miguel Gomes, whom we saw speaking together with Manuel Mozos at the Viennale, right after we watched a sad documentary about Portuguese film. Gomes is one of the very few 'younger' Portuguese directors that are able to actually make films.

In the media, this film has been described as 'magical' and/or 'breathtaking'. It mostly is.

Shot in (cheaper?) black and white and rather heavy on voice overs, which I am usually not a fan of, it is split into two main parts. Actually, the beginning is about a man, who - heartbroken after his wife's death - goes into the African wild and throws himself into a crocodile-infested pond. The connection to the actual film is not quite clear. Who is the man? Details that come up again later are Africa and - more specifically - the crocodile.

The first part takes part in present day Portugal. It centers around three women. Pilar, who lives alone and cares for other people more than herself or her lovelife. An elderly painter makes quiet advances, but to no avail. One of the people she is most worried about is her elderly next door neighbor, Aurora, who lives with her cook/cleaning woman/nurse Santa. Aurora's health and mind deteriorates until she starts talking about one Mr. Ventura. Pilar tries to find this man and bring him to the now hospitalized Aurora. They do not make it in time. After Aurora's burial, Venture starts telling his and Aurora's story.

This leads into the second part of the film, set in Africa a few decades before, where young Aurora is married to a wealthy man when she meets and falls in love with Ventura. They fall in love and have a very passionate affair, that could only end sadly, of course. The crocodile in the story is a pet Aurora received from her husband. The animals frequently escapes and wanders over to Ventura's house, which frequently puts him in Aurora's company. Sort of a match maker.

I absolutely loved the first part and the relationship of the three women. The second part seemed to drag on a bit. Overall the film actually has its magical moments and is well worth watching. I fear, however, that it will remain obscure and widely ignored, a destiny shared by many a small gem.

8/10

Unforgiven

Normally, I am not much of a fan of wild west films. The cowboy romantic doesn't do it for me. What I require for me to enjoy this type of film is one of two things - (1) humor, (2) a good story. Unforgiven, luckily, covers (2) nicely.

A prostitue in a small Wyoming town gets her face cut up by one of her costumers. When the sheriff Little Bill Daggett (Gene Hackman) doesn't punish the cutter and his friend to the other prostitutes liking, they throw their money together and offer a $ 1,000,-- reward to have them killed. One of the groups gunning for the money are one young wannabe killer ("Schoffield Kid"), and two retired ones, played by Clint Eastwood (William Munny) and Morgan Freeman (Ned Logan).

The main problem anyone trying for the reward money face is the no-nonsense sheriff, who takes anyone's gun in his town and beats them up - sometimes for no reason other than them not having noticed the sign specifying that no guns are allowed in town. A real asshole, that one.

After the trio kill the first of their targets, Ned Logan gets captured by the sheriff's men and eventually tortured to death. The Schoffield Kid finishes off the second target (his first ever kill), the climax sees William Munny facing (and killing) Little Bill Daggett.

A sometimes brutal, sometimes sad film, that won the best picture award at the Oscars and established Clint Eastwood as a great director.

from Roger Ebert's review:A lot of the shots are from the inside looking out, so that the figures seem dark and obscure and the brightness that pours through the window is almost blinding. The effect is to diminish the stature of the characters; these aren't heroes, but simply the occupants of a simple, rude society in which death is an everyday fact.

6/10

Dark Shadows

Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp), owner of a blooming fishing business, gets cursed by a witch for turning her away. After his parents die in an unfortunate accident, his love throws herself off a cliff, he himself becomes a vampire. But the witch is not done with him. She turns the town folk against him and they bury him alive - or, rather, undead.

Some 200 years later, his coffin is uncovered at the construction site of a McDonald's. Barnabas returns to his family home, not quite getting the hang of the new era, also known as the 1970s. Everything technical he regards as being of the devil.

He reconnects with his ancestors and works to put the family business back on its feet - once again fighting the witch, who is the new big fishing business owner.

The look of the film is classic Tim Burton - as goth as it gets. It clashes heavily with the garishness of the 1970s, in which Barnabas looks hilariously out of place.

The film is based on a 1960s TV show, that - quite honestly - I had never heard of. It does have its flaws, obviously, but it sports an impressive list of actors in roles big and small.

"Ugliest woman I've ever seen."

6/10

V/H/S

Another "found footage" film. Just what we've all been waiting for, right?

A group of bad guys steal a collection of video tapes for some unnamed source. All the little films are, like, totally scary and stuff.

One is about a female vampire (I think) that first has sex with a trio of friends and then starts to kill them. Not that they deserve any better, those idiots. Personally, I would not hang on to the video camera I am carrying when I am already injured and trying to escape said vampire.

But, hey, that's just me.

Then there is this couple on a road trip who film the most trivial and boring things. Then they are the ones being filmed while asleep in some cheap motel room. The couple is predictably boring and the tape mostly is, as well. At least, there is a nice twist. The guy dies.

Oh good, tape no. 3 is of a group of young people going to some lake in the woods. After two minutes of first seeing them you can't wait for them to die, they are such assholes. They do. And...here is a little something I will record whenever I come across it:

DEAD CHEERLEADER ALERT!!!

Wait, the next segment is a video chat, not a VHS tape. How would this have ended up on a tape. This is cheating! One feed comes from inside a hunted apartment. There may be aliens involved. Or ghosts. Or something.

Lastly, the obligatory Halloween segment.

This is oh so bad.

1/10

Cinema Português?

Cinema Português? is a documentary on the first 100 years of Portuguese film and the lack of a Portuguese film industry. The questionmark in the title is there for a reason.

The documentary is just under one hour long and features intercut scenes from various movies and parts of an interview director Manuel Mozos (pictured below) conducted with one João Bénard da Costa, not only an actor but a professor, historian and author.

I saw the film during the annual local film festival Viennale and after the screening there was a Q&A session with Mr. Mozos and film director Miguel Gomes, whose latest work Tabu also screened at the festival.

The stories they told of life as someone working in film in Portugal were sad ones. After 100 years, less than 500 Portuguese film had been made. There is simply no money.

In fact, not a single film is being produced in Portugal this year. Not a one.

6/10

Skyfall

It's a good thing it is dark in movie theatres because I spent most of Skyfall with a big stupid grin on my face. I only got into the entire series with the arrival of Daniel Craig as 007 and loved Casino Royale. Also, I dimly remember a few scenes from older Bonds I must have seen at some point, though the only one I could still piece together was Goldfinger. I recently watched Dr. No and From Russia with Love and am on a mission to watch every single Bond film.

But so far...Skyfall is my favorite Bond film ever.

It may be much more thriller than action film, but it has a brilliant villain in Javier Bardem. We all expected him to be great but he was GREAT. The story was less a grand scale operation and more of personal vendetta - man against man (and woman) so to say. His first meeting with Bond is one of my favorite scenes.

We learn some more about James Bond's history and the new cast that gets introduced is also very appealing. The new Q was a necessity, of course, and Ben Whishaw fits the young nerd perfectly - his forté being computers more than fancy gadgets (kept to a minimum and made fun of). And with Dame Judi Dench leaving the series - heartwrenchingly - we get a new M, also to my liking this one. (What? Like you didn't know!). Finally, we meet Miss Moneypenny.

Love it! Love it! Love it!

10/10

Peeping Tom

Messed up kids turn into messed up adults. Documented in: Peeping Tom.

Mark was raised a test subject for his father, a psychologist studying fear in his child growing up. There was always a camera on the boy to record his fearful reaction to different situations and scares put upon him.

As an adult now he studies fear in others - young women he kills and films at the moment they realize that they are about to die. Basically, he was making snuff before the genre was widely known. And he is desperately trying to get caught, barely taking any precaution when killing and returning to the scene of the crime to film police at work and people's reaction when the bodies are discovered.

Ironically the one person that 'sees' right through him and realizes how troubled he is, is the blind woman living downstairs.

The film received harsh reviews when it was released, practically ending director Michael Powell's career. In the 1970s, however, it received reappraisal and has since become a cult film, prompting Mr. Powell's comment in his autobiography, "I make a film that nobody wants to see and then, thirty years later, everybody has either seen it or wants to see it."

6/10

The Innocents

The 1961 film The Innocents is based on the novel The Turn of the Screw by Henry James. Originally, this was adapted for the stage and there is a theatrical feel to it. The setting is as ghostly and gothic as it gets in black-and-white British horror films - a country estate, way too big for its few inhabitants.

The focus of the story is on the new governess Miss Giddens (Deborah Kerr) and the two children she is hired to care for, Flora and Miles. The previous governess has died about a year before. Later we learn that she took her own life after the accidental death of her abusive boyfriend, who also worked on the estate as a valet.

Both, the former governess and the valet, appear to Miss Giddens as ghosts and she concludes that the children are possessed by the spirits of the lovers.

She takes it upon herself to get to the bottom of it all and - ultimately - save the children from the peril they are in. The two youngsters do appear to be rather mean spirited, especially the little boy. Miss Giddens' solution is to send off the staff and Flora and stay behind with just the boy, to help him freeing himself from his demon by facing him. It ends in tragedy.

Wonderful, classic film. The feel and setting was much later imitated in The Others, which I also recomend wholeheartedly.

8/10

Moonrise Kingdom

Hilarious!

The latest offering from director Wes Anderson is a film set in a pathfinder summer camp in the 1960s. The camp division is run by the hapless Scout Master Randy Ward (Edward Norton) who "loses" one of his Khaki Scouts (and eventually all of his scouts). The only police officer on the island the film is set is one Captain Sharp (Bruce Willis), who - together with the at this point remaining scouts - sets out to find the missing Sam Shakusky.

The eventually learn that Sam is on the run with his beloved Suzy Bishop, daughter of the local couple of lawyers (played brilliantly by Bill Murray and Frances McDormand). The journey they take is as awkward as both young kids. And really everything and everyone else in this film. They are first hunted and later aided by the other Khaki Scouts and run off to the HQ camp to get married.

I love the narrator (if you will) played by Bob Balaban. He is placed in different sceneries, sometimes on the very edge of the picture, dressed in a red coat and a greenwool hat, which makes him very much look like a garden gnome. The rest of the cast is wonderful, as well. Short appearences included are by Harvey Keitel (Harvey Fucking Keitel!) as the commander of the scouts, Jason Schwartzmann (normal sight in any Wes Anderson film) and the ever brilliant Tilda Swinton as "Social Services" (her name, apparently).

Aside from The Darjeeling Ltd. possibly my favorite Wes Anderson film.

8/10

Forget Me Not

Will, a musician, is on the verge of killing himself when he sees from his window that Eve, who works in the bar where he just played a gig, has trouble with a drunk guy. He abandons his plan for the time being to come for her rescue.

They eventually spend the entire night and most of the following day walking over London and slowly getting to know each other. Will, however, does not want to become too involved and Eve cannot quite figure out what his deal is.

The pace of the story is similar to that of Before Sunrise - two people that by chance spend the night in each other's company, but with a very different ending from the Ethan Hawke/Julie Delpy trip through nightly Vienna.

I watched this mostly because I think Tobias Menzies is hot and didn't know what to expect from it.

Turns out this is one of the saddest films I have ever seen.

7/10

From Russia with Love

The second James Bond film revolves around a cryptograph, quite a handy device with the cold war going on and such. The evil SPECTRE empire devises a plan to steal on such thing from the Soviets and then sell it back to them. In a film full of agent and double agents the big, bad, mysterious mastermind is only referred to as "Number 1". Yet we are treated to a shot of the (iconic!) white cat!

The bond girl, Tatiana Romanova, is recruited by SPECTRE's number 3 Rosa Klebb as a means to fool the Brits. Poor Tatiana (Tania to her friends) is led to believe she is doing it for Mother Russia, thinking Klebb to be working for SMERSH (whaterever that may be). Incidentally, Klebb is played by one Lotte Lenya, who was born in my hometown of Vienna.

The adventure begins in Istanbul and takes Bond and Tania (with an unfortunate contact from Turkey) via train, truck (already without their Turkish friend) and powerboat all the way to Venice. Hot on their heels is one SPECTRE minion, a well built blond agent.

Now, what is it with people laying out the entirety of their plans to someone they intend to kill? It is one of those story devises I always found rather puzzling and, ultimately, annoying. Here it is used through the blond guy, who thinks himself about to do away with 007. Oh, well.

In the end, British coolness prevails - girl, cryptograph and all.

6/10

Dr. No

The first of many, many James Bond films is Dr. No.

James Bond himself is played, of course, by Sean Connery. Obviously, this is the type of secret agent that defined similar characters for years to come. And this is what James Bond was to be like for a long time - right up to Daniel Craig, who was remodeled in the spirit of re-imagination that took place around the time. Before, it was not possible for a hero of his caliber (or Batman, or Spiderman, etc.) to show any signs of vulnerability. 007 is suave, cool and a ladies' man.

The first so-called Bond girl is Ursula Andress. Her name? Honey Ryder. The names of the Bond girls were persistantly ridiculous and put the female in her place. She is "Honey" as well as "honey" and not only needs saving, she also falls for the hero. She is introduced with the obligatory bikini shot.

The villain is Dr. No, a half-German, half-Chinese recluse, who is a member of SPECTRE (SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion). SPECTRE becomes a theme throughout the series and - as we learn in later films - is headed by evil genius Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Dr. No, as well as several other Asian characters in the film, is played by caucasian actor, Joseph Wiseman. This was in a more innocent time, after all, before casting a white man in the role of an Asian man was being frowned upon.

The plot is straight-forward. Dr. No plans to interfere with the Project Mercury launch with his atomic-powered radio beam. He works from within a well-protected secret lair, filled with quite the art collection - including a Goya painting of the Duke of Wellington, that had been stolen in the year before the film came out and was only recovered in 1965.

Bond strolls through the Jamaican scenery while doging more than one attempt on his life, thanks to his driving skills, his natural suspiciousness and sheer luck. The tarantula scene had to be filmed with a stuntman, as Sean Connery suffers from Arachnophobia.

In the end, he single-handedly takes out Dr. No's entire operation and saves the dame.

5/10

Vargtimmen (Hour of the Wolf)

I have only recently started watching the brilliant works of Ingmar Bergman. Hour of the Wolf is only his third film I have watched, the others being The Seventh Seal and Through a Glass Darkly.

All three feature the wonderful Max von Sydow, who has worked with Bergman many times. In Hour of the Wolf he portrays the painter Johan Borg. Together with his pregnant wife Alma (played by Liv Ullmann) he spends the summer on a remote island. Over the course of the story he encounters several strange people that either contribute to his descent into madness or are a side effect of it. I assume it is the first, as Alma meets several of them at a dinner party.

This is defined as being drama and horror, the horror stemming from the feeling of claustrophobia the film conveys and Johan's nightmarish vision. The (English) title refers to the time just before dawn, during which many births and deaths occur (according to Johan).

The film is excellent, although for me it does not quite reach the brilliance of The Seventh Seal. My discovery of Ingmar Bergman will definitely not stop here.

7/10

Game Change

Game Change had a good night at yesterday's Emmys. I watched it the day before, only very marginally aware of the nominations it received (well deserved every one).

A lot has been said and written about Julianne Moores impeccable portrayal of Sarah Palin. From what we have all seen of the on-screen persona of Mrs. Palin it seems pretty obvious that she was nothing short of brilliant.

Woody Harrelson, as the male lead, is equally great, as is - in true HBO manner - the entire cast of this play-by-play of John McCain's presidential campaign. Ed Harris is the unsung hero as a merely supporting John McCain, whose makeup is just as great as Julianne Moore's. 

The really disturbing part - if true - is the staff's decision to have Palin 'act' in her interviews and the debate, because it is easier to have her learn a couple of pages of script than make her understand the basics of the political issues. It is truely scary to think that someone this incapable got within a few electoral votes of the White House.

8/10

The Lorax

I love Dr. Seuss' books. Wholeheartedly. Most of the film versions, animated or not, I enjoyed a lot (Horton Hears a Who FTW).

Unfortunately, this one falls flat.

Considering this is intended for a very young audience, the story of big business and its exploitation of nature may not go beyond a simplistic human (in the film version) = bad, Lorax (and the trees he represents) = good.

Also, too many musical numbers for my taste.

4/10

Coraline

Coraline Jones is annoyed with her parents and their lack of attention. The both just hover over their computers writing about gardening rather than do some. So when one night she discovers a door into another world where her parents appear to be just what one would wish for, she has no quarrels about going back the next night.

Everything is different there - her mother cooks (imagine!), her father plays the piano and tends to a wonderous garden and her annoying neighbor boy can't talk. Fun!

Of course, something about all this is not right. For starters, everyone has buttons instead of eyes. Soon enough. Caroline realizes that they want her eyes as well and replace them with buttons.

Eventually, Caroline gets lost between her two worlds and must find her real parents again and escape. Interestingly weird.

Fun fact: when the false mother turns into her real self she looks just like Terri Hatcher, who voices the mothers.

4/10

The Visitor

The Visitor is the story of widowed university professor Walter, who has essentially been doing next to nothing in the past few years and just stalling. He has to appear at a conference to speak, an engagement he tries to wiggle his way out of but can't.

He travels from his Connecticut house to an apartment he has in New York just to find a couple, Tarek and Zainab, living in his place. They found it via one mysterious Ivan and had no idea they had been living there illegally.

As they are in dire need of housing, walter let's them stay and eventually befriends Tarek, who starts teaching Walter how to play the African drum. While out and about one day they have some trouble getting their drums through the subway turnstiles, Tarek gets falsely accused of dodging the fare and gets taken into custody.

It is only then that Walter realizes that the young couple are illegals and he tries to help as best he can to get Tarek legal representation and possibly getting him a staying permit. While Tarek is incarcerated and living in constant fear of deportation, Walter becomes very close with Tarek's mother Mouna.

The film shows the harshness of the system, but manages to do so without blaming the people working in it - like the prison guards really only doing their jobs, however frustrating it may be for Walter or anyone else that is desperate for some information on the whereabouts of their loved ones.

Despite the moments of hope and happiness, the story is a sad and desperate one. Richard Jenkins is brilliant and rightly earned the acclaim he received, including a nomination for Best Actor at the Academy Awards (losing to a wonderful Sean Penn in Milk). Another plus - nice shots of New York.

Recommendation.

9/10

Chernobyl Diaries

This film is crap. So much of it does not make sense.

I get why one would get a kick out of going to the site of the Chernobyl disaster. I wouldn't but I do get it. There is probably some excitement to going there illegally with a freelance tour guide called Yuri.

However, why this Yuri character would run off in the dark because people are bothered by a sound that may or may not be a baby is not as cut and dried to me. Especially, why he would speed off in some random direction is beyond me.

Even more baffling is one of the Americans going after him for no apparent reason, and unarmed.

What follows is a lot of running to and fro and getting hunted by wild dogs, that turn out to not be the actual menace hiding at the site.

No, when radioactivity comes into play, cue the mutants. Human mutants, that is. There are also the experiment-happy doctors to 'treat' them. And they wonder why the survivors of the Chernobyl disaster would be upset by the film. Seriously? You portray them as fucking mutants. Of course they are upset.

Then we never even get a good look at the mutants because everything is all dark and quickly cut and obscure.

But the most irritating thing is the ending. The military comes in and shoots one of the two survivors but takes the other one to their hospital to - wait for it - feed her to the mutants. What? You couldn't just have shot her, as well? Or offer both up as food?

Makes. No. Sense.

On the plus side, this features the cute guy from $#*! My Dad Says.

1/10 (and I'm being generous here)

Srpski film (A Serbian Film)

This is as sick as you have heard it is.

An aging porn star gets offered some serious cash to participate in an 'art film' without knowing any details beforehand. It features hardcore sex, initially, and gets worse as the filming progresses - torture, real murder, necrophelia, 'Newborn Porn' (which is as horrifying as it sounds) etc.

The reason I think this film is so hard to handle is that we all suspect than none of it is as far fetched as we would like it to be.

7/10

Salinui chueok (Memories of Murder)

This is based on an actual series of murders that took place in rural South Korea between 1986 and 1991. I don't know how much of the film corresponds with actual events. The number of victims is never mentioned (there were 10 attributed to the same killer). However, some of the details and modes of the murders were taken from the real crimes.

The film is elegantly bleak and beautifully shot with a very tense atmosphere that keeps you watching even though (if you checked, as I did) you do know that the killer was never caught (in film and in reality).

It is said to feature some political commentary on the military rule of the late 1980s that you probably only get if you are from South Korea. I don't know enough about the history of, well, most of Asia, to get it. However, this doesn't make the film any less interesting.

I really enjoyed this.

7/10

À L'Intérieur (Inside)

This is among the most out-of-proportion bloodbaths I have ever seen on film.

A very pregnant Sarah loses her husband in a head-on collission. The day before she is to deliver her baby, a strange woman (Béatrice Dalle playing a totally insane bitch) attacks her because she wants the baby.

What follows is an orgasmic outburst of violence and gallons of blood.

It's not like it is just Sarah vs. the crazy bitch. No, Sarah has alerted the cops of an intruder and they make sure "she is gone" before driving off and promising to have a patrol swing by later to check on things.

Jean-Pierre, who is scheduled to drive Sarah to the hospital next morning, comes by to check on her - he gets stabbed, chocked with a pillow and stabbed some more.

Sarah's mother comes by and gets killed by her own daughter, who simply hacks away at the first moving thing outside the bathroom she is hiding in. By this time her water has broken, but she stays rather active for some time after.

The night patrol comes by - two of the cops get suspicious and investigate further. One gets stabbed in the neck, the other has his face shot off. Cop no. 3 hears the shots, chains the prisoner in the backseat to himself, takes him with him into the house and does. Not. Call. For. Backup. Cop gets shot, prisoner takes a pair of scissors in the skull.

By this time, Sarah has a gun lying beside her on the bed and when crazy bitch comes to make out with her (just because) she does. Not. Shoot. Her. Also, she choses not to leave the house when she has the chance.

Crazy bitch gets her face burned badly thanks to the ever-helpful can of some cleaner or other and her smoking habit. It is at this point that Sarah gives herself a tracheotomy (yes, yes she does). Then cop no. 3 - who is not dead after all - starts hitting Sarah, or rather her belly for no reason. Crazy bitch - who lost her own baby in the car accident that killed Sarah's husband (and here is where it all suddenly makes perfect sense!) - kills off the cop and cuts the baby out of Sarah.

Seriously? WHAT. THE. FUCK?

2/10

The Midnight Meat Train

Photographer Leon (Bradley Cooper) is out one night to take more significant photos, because gallery owner Susan Huff (Brooke Shields) didn't like his initial batch. He encounters a threatening situation and takes pictures of a street gang, rather than helping the woman they are about to assault. But he gets some awesome pics out of it and she gets away because he does eventually alert the bad guys of the surveilance cameras. The woman is a successful model (obivously) and is never heard from again.

The police is not interested in Leon's photos (luckily, Susan Hoff is) or the fact that he saw her right before she disappeared. The model becomes one of many victims by a big ass butcher (Vinnie Jones). Leon gets obsessed with disappearing stories and starts following the butcher. We all know how that is bound to end.

Some random thoughts:

Leon lives with his girlfriend in a rather stylish, if smallish appartment. He appears to not really make any money and she is a waitress, no idea how they get by.

It is based on a Clive Barker short story (and those are mostly awesome), so it could only have ended with some creatures in the subway tunnels.

Vinnie Jones is awesome!

Bradley Cooper is not.

3/10

JCVD

I was never a Jean-Claude Van Damme fan. Actually, I was never much of an action film fan and my least favorite action film stars were always Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Seagal because the couple of films I've seen sucked, Van Damme I always thought to be a guy that was beefed up because he suffered from short man syndrome.

But this, ladies and gentlemen, is genius.

Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Jean-Claude Van Damme having a very bad day. He lost custody of his daughter, suffers from jet leg, all his bank and credit cards are maxed out, his career is stalling and the post office he walks into is being robbed. To everyone on the outside it looks like he is the robber barricading himself up with a group of hostages while the real bad guys use him as a deflection.

The film is drained of color and brilliantly hilarious with JCVD trying to save his own hide and keeping the hostages safe by building up a relationship with one of the robbers, who is a big fan (as is all of Belgium, apparently).

To add to all the weirdness, Van Damme holds a lengthy, tearful monologue about 1 hr into the film, for which he is lifted out of a scene.

Watch this!

8/10

The Cabin in the Woods

I love horror films. I very much like Richard Jenkins. I adore Bradley Whitford. I like the idea of a company pulling the strings behind the scenes to release different nightmarish scenarios on a group of unsuspecting young people. I love the poster.

The problem? I don't like this film.

Despite all the above mentioned ingredients it doesn't quite come together for me. The actual cabin-in-the-woods part of it is all very bland and I never cared for any of the people there. Not a one. I didn't care whether they lived or died and nothing that befell them was particularly scary to me.

The background part (the part with Jenkins and Whitford) was more interesting. The out-of-placeness of it was different and it is in the company environment that the film actually showed some humor. The deaths of pretty much everyone involved there was harder to take than that of any of the pretty young people.

Oh Josh Lyman Hadley! At least you went with a cocky remark on your lips. Good for you! *wipes-away-tear*

The fun part? All monsters imaginable getting unleashed and going into mayhem mode. Blood and gore and a murderous unicorn. But then there was the stupid, unimaginative, uninteresting, useless ending/explanation. The fucking Ancient Ones'?

Seriously?

3/10

Nazis at the Center of the Earth

Did you ever wonder whatever became of Dominique Swain, Lolita to Jeremy Iron's Humbert Humbert in 1997? I have an answer for you. She does films like Nazis at the Center of the Earth.

Sounds bad?

It is.

A group of very smart people (scientists!) working in Antarctica stumble upon a Nazi lair - you guessed it - under ground (not nearly at the center of the earth, but whatever). Down here, Josef Mengele is still alive (or, again) and the young scientists did not find him and his minions by accident. One of the group (played by Jake Busey) was secretly working for the Nazis all along, recruiting brilliant minds for their weird project, which requires them to skin people alive and possibly eat one or two (not sure, there was a confusing scene involving some of the works-in-progress and a young woman).

Given the involvement of Nazis old and new this would obviously be (a) a horror film and (b) in poor taste (incl. a scene in which the women scientists are going "to the showers").

Also, the film sees the return of the big bad wolf himself, Adolf Hitler (or parts of him, or whatever).

This was direct-to-video. I am not surprised.

1/10

Taken

If you want a plausible story and/or interesting dialogues, stay away from this. This is pure action.

Liam Neeson, former CIA agent, retired to spend more time with his estranged daughter. There are, of course, her jaded mother and the super-rich step father that can easily drop the dough to buy her a horse (yes, that's right, folks...a horse) for her 17th birthday. Makes it hard to compete if all you can offer is a karaoke machine.

Anyway, daughter goes to Paris (actually, all across Europe, but *ssshhhh*, don't tell daddy, because he worries too much as it is) and gets kidnapped by an Albanian group of girl trafficers on her first day there. Neeson - being former CIA - knows how to kick some serious ass and comes down on the gangsters with a vengeance - leaving a trail of dead bodies in his wake - to retrieve his darling girl.

Sadly, Neeson's immense acting talent is totally wasted here. Why he would do action film after brainless action film I do not know.

My biggest beef with the movie? Neeson goes to Paris and passes himself off as local police without speaking one single word of French. Not a one. And the best part? Nobody questions this...in a country where they eliminated all words of English origin from dictionaries and people will pretend not to speak English, even if they do.

Why anyone would need a sequel is beyond me.

1/10

Man on a Ledge

Do you know the feeling when you come home late in the evening and you are still so hyper (from whatever....harmless things) that you are not ready to go to bed. Happened to me two nights ago and I had to fill the void between hyper and eyes falling shut (experience has taught me this is a rather short period) with something to watch that didn't require too much thinking. So, I picked Man on a Ledge, because with a title like that....

It is about a man. He is on a ledge.

It is set in New York City, which is a plus in my book (pretty aerial views onto cabs and onlookers). The lead actor...Nick Cassidy/Sam Worthington...not so much. So he was a cop that ended up in prison for allegedly stealing a diamond, which he strongly denies. He escapes and the next thing we know he is on this ledge with a woman (Elizabeth Banks) left with the task to talk him back into the hotel room he was staying in. We also meet a few more characters/actors. Some of them we like - Jamie Bell (the brother), Kyra Sedgwick (a reporter), Edward Burns (a cop).

That was pretty much the end of my first sitting with Man on a Ledge. Bedtime.

Next sitting (last night) - there is of course much more to the story than we initially learned. Nick maintains that he did not steal the diamond off of the big bad wolf - in this case Ed Harris (David Englander) - and to prove his innocence/get him back he hogs all the media and police attention while his lil (hot) bro and his (equally hot) girlfriend break into Englander's vault to actually steal the diamond in question. After some nailbiting action (well, not really) and the discovery that most cops are dirty it turns out that the diamond is not there!

It was at this point that I once again called it quits for the night. So the burning questions (Did he or did he not steal the diamond originally? Where is the stupid diamond??? Is Edward Burns a good or bad guy?) will have to wait.

Third (and final) sitting: Happy end! Hurrah! Bad guys get taken down, Ed Burns is not one of them, former colleagues cheer Nick, a lot of shoulder patting, lil bro proposes and they all lived happily ever after. Way too neat, if you ask me.

2/10